Alabama: Rural vs. Urban Living (Birmingham, Montgomery: environment, budget, debts)

[djknight]

From the threads I've read in the Alabama forum, there seems to be a division of perspectives on the state, between those who live in the urban areas and those who are more rural.

It seems like the urban Alabamians are very positive about the state while their rural counterparts are not as ... enthusiastic.

I am rural and fairly miserable in Alabama. Our plans are to move away as soon as our youngest graduates High School in four years. We're looking at either going back to L.A. or upstate NY. Life is too short to be unhappy, and we are all unhappy here.

But after reading some of the posts here, I'm wondering if our unhappiness is a result of living in Alabama, or if it's just living in rural Alabama. So I thought it might be helpful - to me, if not to those who are planning to move here - to hear what others have to say about their specific area of the state -- both good and bad.

Personally -- we are very rural and live in a town that is literally 100 miles from everywhere, in any direction, half way between Mobile and Montgomery.

LIFESTYLE

PROS:
1. Southern cooking. Anything worth eating is worth frying.
2. Slow, unhurried pace.

CONS:
1. There is absolutely NOthing to do. Walmart is not just a store, it's also our only venue for entertainment and our only source of culture. Which, now that I think about it, explains a lot.
2. It is an hour and a half drive to anything - doctors, stores, and so forth.

SOCIETY

PROS:
1. Very little crime; excellent law enforcement system.
2. In emergency situations, such as with a hurricane, the community takes care of it's own.

CONS:
1. EXTREME racism (though there's no klan here).
2. Closed social circles - if you're not from here, you'll never be accepted.
3. Very strong social class system based on whose family did what a hundred years ago.
4. Gossip. Everyone knows everything about everyone else and if they lack a few details, they make them up. Almost always started as a prayer request.
5. Everyone adopts an outward appearance of a puritanical life. If you don't conform, you are shunned.

FAMILY

PROS:
1. Peace that comes from not worrying about your kids when they're out.

CONS:
1. Is there anyone other than my husband and I, who is not sleeping with someone other than their spouse? At least 90% of the people I know have had or are having an affair.
2. The school system is a little kingdom, run by the Powers That Be, who assume total control over your child -- and don't even think about fighting it, because then you're a "troublemaker" and it's taken out on your kids.

CHURCH

PROS:
1. The church does a good job of taking care of it's flock when they are in need -- but this can also be a negative thing when the church uses that to control the membership.

CONS:
1. Most religious leaders use the pulpit to govern the town.
2. If you're not in church three times a week, you're a heathen and going to hell. Seriously -- my old pastor told me I was going to hell.
3. Spirituality by guilt.

OTHER

1. Snakes and bugs. Bleh.

I may come back and add more as it comes to me, but for now, how does your area stack up? Thanks for your input!

[Threestep]

If you are really as miserable as you sound why wait four years? Please do not give me the all American crutch excuse of kids in school.

We lived on both sides of the fence and luckily had no problems adjusting.

[djknight]

Wow, that was really harsh, Threesteps.

If you read my post at face value, rather than reading between the lines, you'll see that it is not my intent to disparage Alabama as a state - I'm rather hoping to find that there are areas where those things that are troublesome to my family and I do not exist.

I do understand that in forums such as this, you always have troublemakers coming in to stir up the pot -- I assure you I am not one of those people. I'm simply curious to find out what areas of Alabama are more progressive; if the problems we've encountered are indigenous to the rural areas, but not as prevalent in other areas; and where those areas are located.

It may be that what we've experienced is just part and parcel of rural Alabama life and that when we relocate, we don't have to go as far as LA or NY -- maybe life is different in other parts of Alabama. Many people here seem to believe that it is, and I would like to know how it differs.

As this is a public board, I believe I have a right to be curious and to ask these questions of other members who might have the time to help me out. If you don't, please feel free to overlook this thread -- but you do not have the right to make me feel as though my questions are invaluable or to invalidate my curiosity.

But, assuming your question was sincere, and not the defensive, knee-jerk response that it sounded like -

The schools are not what keep us here, at least not the academia. We do like that the schools are relatively safe, as compared to the rest of the country, and that is definitely a factor.

The main reason, however, is that children are very expensive. My husband has an excellent job and between his higher than average pay, and the lower than average cost of living, we are able to afford things, such as braces, saving for college and what not, that we would be less able to afford in other parts of the country.

I have not attacked you or your home - I haven't even taken a stand against Alabama, so I don't understand your hostility. My take is that there are good and bad elements to EVERY place. I'm just trying to figure out which places in Alabama are more progressive. If you can help, that's great. If not, then please feel free to skip this thread and have a nice day.

[zenjenn]

I'm curious, as someone who considers themselves more progressive with an up-and-coming high schooler, how are you helping guide your child's perspective on race issues in an environment where there is, as you put it, "extreme racism"?

[Threestep]

I did not feel attacked at all. You sound all the way down. Is it better to have things or to be happy? Four years can be an eternity.

My husband had a great job, we built our dream house, my job was perfect - we never grew roots in Columbus, GA. It took a week to sell the house and leave. My inlaws still live there. We have been back three times in five years for major family issues. This period of our lives is a black hole. In Birmingham we started all over and it flowed just right. Not to mention we are happy with us and our lives.

Does this explain my answer?

[djknight]

That's a good question, zenjenn. Our children's perspectives are formed at home, not at school.

We talk openly about racism and they've heard us take a stand against it for so many years - And they've seen it first hand - as in the situation that I touched on elsewhere, where we were told not to return to our church because I brought African American kids to VBS. We actually received phone threats, and my husband was told he better "Keep your Yankee wife on a shorter leash."

As you can imagine, this had a profound effect on our children. They've seen how ugly racism is, and how destructive it can be. There are parts of the country that do not discuss race issues. I think our children will be more sensitive to the issue, having lived it first hand. In fact, I know they are -- they are staunch advocates against prejudice in any form.

So the key, I think, is to make sure you address the situation at home. Let your kids know how ugly it is, and encourage them to discuss it with you. I believe, however, that you're moving to an area that some have said prejudice does not exist, so hopefully it won't be as much of an issue for your children as it has been with mine.

Oh, coming back to add that we also home schooled for three years -- that made a huge difference, in that we were able to have a greater impact on our children than the school or the community.

[djknight]

Threestep -

Thanks for your response, and my apologies if I sounded confrontational. I am, as you said, all the way down and I've had to be so defensive just to survive in this town that I guess it's become a habit. I apologize if I read too far into your initial response.

I can't answer your question succinctly. We feel trapped - and are, in reality trapped - in this community. We bought an 80 year old house and got the financing to completely gut it and remodel. Two weeks after we closed, Ivan ransacked our town and all hell broke loose.

Our contractor, along with literally every other contractor within a hundred miles, dropped everything and went to Florida, where they were paying big bucks for construction. We had six months to get the house finished.

My husband works full time, and I am disabled - and neither of us knew what the heck we were doing in terms of renovating a house. He and I, and our two daughters had to do all the work ourselves, and we outsourced to anyone who was willing to learn. We did have one contractor who helped us with the trim at $400.00 per day - and he milked it. And then there was the guy who promised he knew what he was doing and totally wrecked our house, making it necessary for us to rip out his work and redo it (he put dry wall over all our electric sockets, broke our new tubs -- it was a nightmare). Needless to say, we quickly went way over budget and got ourselves into a financial hole.

It will take us about four years to pay off that added debt, and those four years are the years we really need to be concentrating on stock piling for the kid's college tuition. We're in our forties, so starting over on a new job isn't that easy for my husband - he has a union job now, thank God, and that's what is allowing us to pay back our debts and stay afloat.

We really were going to give it the old college try - which is why we bought the house to begin with. But at the same time we were dealing with the house construction, we had problems with a new pastor at our church --

A family that we had known for years was having financial difficulties and they were hesitant to approach the pastor (long story there) for help. We prayed about it and chose to help them out - I think it was about $800.00. This was money that we would normally tithe to the church. When the pastor audited the tithes, and saw we hadn't paid tithes in about a month, he called my husband into his office. My husband was told he could not be a deacon until he made up that shortage, and that I could not serve in the church - and our membership was put on inactive status.

You can imagine how hurtful this was, I'm sure. We ended up leaving the church, and the pastor threatened the other members that if they contacted us, they would also be put on inactive, so we lost all of our friends.

It was a stressful time, to put it lightly.

So, here we are now, with this gorgeous house in a town we do not feel welcome in, and yes, we do want out and we plan to get out -- but we can't leave my husband's job until the debt is paid and the kids are in college.

I agree -- it is way better to have happiness than material possessions, but we have obligations we have to live up to, and in the meantime, we're trapped here.

My inlaws live in Daphne, and we like it there. They've only been there about two years and they seem to think that it's different in that area. So who knows? Maybe we'll stay in Alabama, just get the heck out of this town. If there are other areas that are more progressive, I would like to know about them so we can consider staying in the south rather than moving across country again.

Hope that clears it up for you.

[VMH2507]

I think your problem is rural living. I have never experienced anything close to what you described in my 9 years living in Huntsville (well really Madison). There are blacks who live in practically every subdivision in Madison and to my knowledge noone has every said anything about it. One of my friends is black and she has been to my house on several occassions. Noone raised an eyebrow.
I have had work done on my house (individual contractors, house doctors, whatever) and everytime work was done professionally for a reasonble fee. Please don't judge all of Alabama by your bad experience.

[djknight]

Thanks for your input - and rest assured, I'm not judging Alabama by this one town, as I have stated here and elsewhere.

[Threestep]

400/day for a finish carpenter is low. Hindsight - when you saw the rrist issues why did you not act? Have you tried going the legal route? Do you want to hear the story of building on the wrong lot:>) and "Missi have your husband call me"?

This is a church I would gladly leave and be it just to make a point. No matter what denomination - this is very wrong! What did the family you helped out have to say? Tithe! What happened to giving freely and what you can? Did you adress this with the next instance within the church structure?

You need to keep your ears and your spirit. When everything is over with you can have a fit. Not now. I found women to be steel magnolias and not only in The South. As long as you have your family you have each other. How is your youngest child handling the situation?