I admit I did not read the entire thread, but I just wandered across this subject and had to post my two cents'. It seems to me the original poster wants the best of both worlds, a smallish town with big town conveniences within an easy driving distance.
My advice would be to just go take a visit -- explore the suburbs, and specifically focus on looking at the ones that surround Huntsville and Birmingham. Based on what you are saying you want, I think Huntsville (a suburb of it) would be just exactly what you are looking for. Huntsville has a Costco and a Sam's if those are deal breakers. But it has a good symphony, broadway shows stop through all the time, and it's really come a long way in the past 20 years. There are good museums (and no, not JUST the space one.) It's a great place for kids to grow up, but that doesn't sound like it's a consideration for you at this juncture.
The jobs are plentiful, however you should be warned that it is a real pain in the rear if you don't want to work for the government or a government contractor. Let me clarify -- it's a pain in the rear, either way -- if you don't work for one, there are fewer jobs to choose from. And if you do work for one, then you're under the government's thumb, subject to their whimsy and rules, and often (almost always) you have to have a security clearance to get in the door. And there really is an element of almost needing to know someone to get your foot in the door. Once you're in, though, your resume will carry you wherever you want to go, but a company has to be willing to take you on and sponsor you for your security clearance when you're starting out, and that's not the easiest thing to find, in my experience (not that it's impossible by any means, it's just something that I think someone from the outside would want to know before they got here.)
Huntsville is just 2.5 hours from Nashville, and hour and a half from Birmingham, 5 hours from Atlanta, and couple hours from Chattanooga, which opens up more shopping and cultural opportunities. The Smoky Mountains are in EASY driving distance and are among the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Gatlinburg is breathtaking. One nice thing I found -- if you want to catch a concert, you'll usually have at least 2 or 3 opportunities and 3 dates to choose from, in Birmingham, Atlanta and Nashville. Sometimes even Huntsville, but not as often. Same with flights -- actually Huntsville's airport is really excellent in my estimation. I live in Chicago, which is just a disaster. I despise traveling now that OHare and Midway are my choices. You have to schedule hours of extra time just to navigate the traffic and walk the eternal concourses and wait in line at security for what seems like a day. But Huntsville's airport, though small, is an Internation airport, is clean and nice, has a good selection of flights to wherever you might want to go, and is so ridiculously easy to get into and out of that you might not even think it's really an airport. Seriously -- I'm always floored when I go back home how simple and quick it is to get in and out. I arrive and just get off the airplane, get my bag, walk out the door, and go within the span of 5-10 minutes.
You know what else -- Huntsville (even the city itself, with its 200,000ish people) has room to breathe. I know you said you want a 30,000ish size town, but even Huntsville itself is spread out so much that even in its most dense area you won't feel like your in a big city. I think a lot of people would make fun of that fact, but for me it's a real positive. Yes, it's sprawly, but you know, I guess I like that.
Memorial Parkway will boggle your mind. But you'll get used to it.
If you're religious (protestant, specifically) you could go to a different church every week and never repeat yourself for the rest of your life. If not, well you might find it a little harder to find a social group, but in the meantime you'll be bowled over with friendliness. I've heard that lately there's been a huge influx of "yankees", (yes anyone from above Kentucky or the DC area or above is a "Yankee" down there), so the character may have changed, but I don't know, sadly I haven't been there in too long. I should mention that the suburbs are PLENTIFUL. There are so many I couldn't begin to list them all. In every direction you'll find a ton of towns from miniscule to large, all with different character. I should warn you, there definitely is a racist element to some of them. It's just true, sad to say. But you'll know it quickly and can choose accordingly. And of course it's never the whole town. There's no real pattern to it, either. It seems like some towns just got stuck in time several decades ago and can't seem to get themselves unstuck. But I have to believe in my heart that that's true everywhere and just manifests itself differently from place to place.
Personally, I wouldn't even look in the southern half of the state. No offense to them, they're great to visit. But north Alabama is hot enough, I don't know how anyone any further south survives.
I've lived in Birmingham as well, and though those were great years of my life, to me, the city really doesn't come anywhere close to having the friendliness, character and culture of Huntsville. Birmingham was founded as a steel town, and it still has that dirty, gritty, desperate feel to it, buried deep down underneath. Call me weird, but that's the best way I've found to describe it.
I guess I could go on and on all day, but I'll stop now. Especially since I'm not even sure you'll be back to read this topic, I notice it's a month or so old and I'm just now seeing it.
Whatever you decide, good luck. I hope something in here was of use to you. Enjoy the chance when it comes. Hopefully someday I'll make it back down there and join you.
Edited to Add: How could I forget to address the HEAT? Just be warned, there is no hot that you could have experienced in Jersey that will prepare you for the HOT of an Alabama summer. I am speechless just remembering growing up in 100+ temperatures for days, sometimes weeks at a time, with the humidity at 90+%. You can't even walk from your air conditioned car to the door of a business without being DRENCHED in sweat, and that's no exaggeration. It's truly horrible. It's probably the #1 flaw of living there, to be quite honest. And it gets hot in April and doesn't subside until at least October, sometimes later. But you know, your reward is the winters so mild you don't even need to own a coat 99% of the time. (Seriously, I didn't own one at all when I was in college). Fall and winter are heavenly. So I guess it balances out. If you do decide to visit, just to check things out, I highly recommend trying to plan it for early spring or late fall so you can enjoy it. If you go in summer, you will be unfairly biased against ever returning.
