Alaska Fun.... (Anchorage, Naknek: house, rent, vacation)

[warptman]

You Know You're In Alaska When...

. . .you know which leaves make good toilet paper.

. . .the mayor greets you on the street by your first name.

. . .there is only one shopping plaza in town.

. . .the major parish fundraiser isn't bingo - its sausage making.

. . .you find -60c a might chilly.

. . .the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

. . .you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewels and your Sorrels.

. . .you can play road hockey on ice skates.

. . .shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

. . .you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

You Know You're In Alaska When...

. . .when it warms up to -35 degrees(Fahrenheit) and you go out in your shirt sleeves to wash you car.

. . .when you drive for a mile on square tires on a -65 morning before they eventually become normal.

. . .when you have to put your sun visor down at 3:00 a.m.

. . .all of your relatives refer to you as that crazy person that lives up there.

. . .your kids think that you have to get on a airplane to go on vacation.

. . .freezing, 32 degrees(Fahrenheit), is warm enough to wash your car.

. . .you only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

. . .you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

. . .the mosquitoes have landing lights.

. . .you have more miles on you snowblower than your car.

. . .you have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.

. . .you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

. . .driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

. . .you think sexy lingerie is fleece socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

. . .you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

. . .at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

. . .the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

. . .your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

. . .you think the start of moose season is a national holiday.

. . .you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You Know You're In Alaska When...

. . .you take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists.

. . .you know that the term "Break Up" has more to do with the weather than personal relationships.

. . .your monthly phone bill is larger than your house payment.

. . .there is a bottle of Avon's Skin-So-Soft in your tackle box.

. . .you don't know anyone who doesn't own a 4-wheeler.

. . .you have ever taken a trip "outside" and tried to cash a traveler's check, drawn on an Alaskan bank, and the cashier asked you the current exchange rate in Alaska.

. . .you have ever washed your car while there was still snow on the ground.

. . .you have ever power washed your car by parking driver's side into the rain in the morning, and passenger side into the rain in the afternoon. (a Dutch Harbor thing)

. . .you have tennis elbow but have never played tennis, just snagged a lot of salmon.

. . .you know a honey bucket is really a bucket, but it's not really full of honey. (If you don't know, don't ask)

. . .you know that the Rat Net is not a rodent catching device.

. . .you know the Naknek twitch is an illegal fishing technique, not a spasmodic muscle in your neck.

. . .you travel for two days to get outside but none of your family members will travel more than two minutes to visit you.

. . .you learned to swim indoors.

. . .you leave your Christmas lights up, year round, because as soon as it gets warm enough to take them down it starts getting dark enough to put them up again.

. . .your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil.

. . .you had waffle soles put on your cowboy boots.

. . .your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bill.

. . .you know that a "handi-man-jack" is a device designed to lift a car to change a flat, not a guy named Jack that comes around your house on Saturdays to repair minor problems.

. . .you know a "white out" has to do with winter conditions not correcting fluid for typos.

[Wrennie]

This is great, thanks!
Here's one for SE in October:

You stand outside in your pajamas and bang pots and pans to scare of black bears while your kids run to the bus...

[GoddessofRandomThoughts]

Warptman and Wrennie!!! Too Funny!!
Need to send this to friends at home!! They already think I live in the back of beyond and I live in Anchorage, for goodness sakes!

[Xa'at]

You don't have to get on a plane to go on vacation?!

[barnacle9]

Thanks - this is great

Here are a few more . . .

You know you're in Alaska when . . .

. . . when flying in state, the captain announces 'buggy' weather . . .

. . . high fashion is Xtratuffs (rubber boots) and Carhartts . . .

. . . you know that a PFD is not just a life jacket . . .

. . . bugs and tourists have a lot in common, and show up about the same time . . .

. . . everyone you know has a gun . . .

. . . $4/gallon gas sounds cheap . . .

. . . you know that the hood on your sweatshirt is more effective than bug spray . . .

. . . there are more bears in your neighborhood than people . . .

. . . your old lady can clean a fish in under a minute, and she wants a new chainsaw . . .

. . . you know that winning the lottery means you can shoot a moose closer to town . . .

. . . the $ you spend on milk each month could almost buy a cow elsewhere . .

. . . your lawnmower is a snow blower . . .

. . . you can't drive to your state capital . . .

. . . the police report is all about dogs, bears, and drunks . . .

[msina]

Great stuff there! I love "your old lady can clean a fish in under a minute, and she wants a new chainsaw" Thanks for the grins