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Old 05-27-2009, 10:24 PM
 
11,836 posts, read 24,987,892 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nephler View Post
Looking someone in the eye IS a look of trust.
Exactly.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Homer Ak.
243 posts, read 411,327 times
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Quote:
great dear i read your comment i agry with you i learn alot of things from your comment i hope everyone lieks your post dear thanx for this information god bless you take care
==================
brock lesner
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dui-dui
Was this an example of what not to do?


Floyd I understand what you are saying. Here in Socal for different reasons then "culture" it just isnt done unless you are friendly/familiar with the person. I guess that could be "culture" too just not how you mean. Here it is a challenge, almost a status thing with holding the look longer, though it is never really talked about.
I can easily see how one culture interpets it as friendly and open. The tell you on job interviews to look the person square in the eye. Other cultures see it as rude... Like you are invading their privacy.
Regardless it is unnerving to those who arent used to it but i will adapt!

Thanks for all the great advice! Darn im getting excited now! After the health scare the excitment is waking up again!
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:36 PM
 
Location: Too far from Alaska
1,435 posts, read 2,319,454 times
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I agree about the straight look in the eye. As long as it is natural so to say. If it is staring someone down, that's another thing, is it not?
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:37 PM
 
Location: Casa Grande, AZ
8,685 posts, read 14,178,913 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nephler View Post
Looking someone in the eye IS a look of trust.
I could not imagine having a conversation with someone and looking away or at the ground. Looking at someone who is speaking is showing you are interested in what they are saying and you are giving them your attention. I doubt if you are looking away from an employer in a perspective interview/job situation and you look down the whole time, that you will get that job. Showing an interest in what someone is saying is not judging them. I can relate to some cultures reacting that way, but I have not seen this, granted I am not as well-traveled in Alaska and in native circles as some. Where the OP is coming to though, I do have experience, and it would be to his benefit to look at whom he is talking to. Not looking at someone in the -48 is a taught behavior with a lot to do with not trusting, i.e., road rage, walking alone in a questionable area, minding one's own business, etc. It may be prevalent in some native cultures, but once again not where the OP is moving. I find it embarassing that these same attitudes of knowing it all with the petty arguments keep turning up for no reason that I can see, and appear to be lashing at people for no reason. Not all areas of Alaska are the same, and some people act differently.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:38 PM
 
Location: Bliss Township, Michigan
6,423 posts, read 11,086,816 times
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Looking someone in the eye has nothing to do with judgment of that person, it's respect for that person.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:38 PM
 
20,454 posts, read 26,583,914 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnPF View Post
I agree about the straight look in the eye. As long as it is natural so to say. If it is staring someone down, that's another thing, is it not?
True, but that's your culture. It isn't everyone's and I think that was all that Floyd was trying to point out. Native culture has changed significantly in the last few decades.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:47 PM
 
Location: Homer Ak.
243 posts, read 411,327 times
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Wow how to explain something that i have done without thinking my whole life because as Granny said yes it is learned conditioned behavior. Im going to try to explain and te difference is subtle.
When you meet someone in Socal you look them in the eye but not to long. As you talk you return to eye contact but again not for long just enough to show you are listening. So your eyes wander around a bit. It sounds more obvious then it is as it is done very subtlely and without thinking.
The shock is when you meet people not used to it that maintain eye contact constantly. That is unnerving till you get used to it.
Personally i am in favor of the eye contact as they are the windows to the soul but please allow me a grace period to acclimate to it! LOL
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Barrow, Alaska
3,539 posts, read 6,418,205 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nephler View Post
Looking someone in the eye has nothing to do with judgment of that person, it's respect for that person.
Are you just a little culture centric??? Or what.

You've clearly demonstrated that it does have to do with making judgments. "Respect for that person" is a judgement, for example.

What purpose is there to look someone in the eye if it is not to either judge their merit in terms of respect, or to attempt to get them to judge yours?

This has to do with the value systems used by a society. It is not something that is necesarily this way or that way just because the culture you live in accepts it in one particular way. People with a different value system can easily have... different values!
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Old 05-27-2009, 11:01 PM
 
Location: Barrow, Alaska
3,539 posts, read 6,418,205 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Metlakatla View Post
True, but that's your culture. It isn't everyone's and I think that was all that Floyd was trying to point out. Native culture has changed significantly in the last few decades.
You are exactly right. And that caused me to think of another example.

Ever see Asian people bow as a greeting? I've seen that all of my life, and yet was well into my 50's when a Korean lady gave me some instructions (so as to avoid social embarassment). I always thought it was polite, and everyone bowed...

In Korean society equals or lessors bow. I am supposed to look very carefully at each person and make a decision about how close they are to my "station" in life (which mostly means how old they are). I was told emphatically to stop giving even the hint of that sort of "respect" to anyone who is clearly younger than me! In other words, I'd been doing the right thing all of my life until I got old and gray haired, at which point I'm supposed to act a little superior, and only nod towards someone who also has gray hair!

At my age now, I bow only to the emperor...
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Old 05-27-2009, 11:05 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 34,581,893 times
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You come to the peninsula, you by gosh better look me in the eye when you say hi. Otherwise I might think your talking to someone else and I won't say hi back.
I don't quite get the judging thing either Nephler.
How the heck do people know who's talking to who if everyone is avoiding eye contact? I think Floyd...your turning this into a bigger issue than it really is.
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