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I'm glad someone brought up this topic...I was curious myself
I'm visiting albq right now. Looking to move here and have encountered many, very friendly ppl
I'm hoping its not to difficult to find some friends to hang with as u guys have said =[
LLD is right, it takes time to make friends in any new city, large or small. I have a friend who moved here a little over 2 years ago, and this past year was when she finally started making friends. However, she also didn't make a big effort to get out and about either, so for the longest she was limited to only people she met thru work.
I've been here a few months now and don't have any close friends, but I expected that since I do taxes and we don't get to breathe until next Tuesday, much less have a social life However, come April 16th, I plan to change things.
The best way I've found to make friends is to simply go out and get involved. Take an exercise class or join a gym. Join a book club. Volunteer in the community. Talk to your neighbors. Pick your favorite activity and join a club based on that activity. The more you get out and talk to people, the better your chances of making multiple friends.
More importantly, once you meet people, don't wait for them to ask you to do something - do the inviting yourself! I've found most people are willing to go along and do things, yet few want to organize the event. Even though my friend has been here 2 years and some of her new friends about as long, I'm usually the one making the call to one of them to start the ball rolling whenever we go out to eat. She's finally starting to get the idea, and make the first call herself at times.
And while the powers that be don't know it yet (district officers), I'm hoping we can start a singles Toastmasters club in the area soon. ABQ certainly has the population to support one!
P.S. Just kidding, Some good advice above. You're more likely to make friends with other newcomers. That was my experience. Find an interest or hobby, then find out where people with the same interest gather. Join.
We take morning walks and developed most of our friendships by having conversations with other walkers.
Eventually, we took the initiative and invited our "walking friends" over for dinner. Eventually, almost all of the reciprocated. Now, after being here for 5 years, we are friends with about 5 couples.
Find some hobby that interests you, and sign up for classes - particularly classes that are ongoing but where you can go when you have time (such as an art classes that runs "every Tuesday morning" but you pay as you go, or a gardening group that meets monthly etc.). In my experience, every group I belong to is really short on volunteers. Offer to be on the board in an organization, and you'll meet lots of people. (And since you are volunteering to help, you'll be an instant hit from the first handshake!)
I haven't read the whole thread and I don't know how old you are but DH and I are in our mid to late 20's and some of the nicest, friendliest people we met were through outdoor clubs, specifically New Mexico Virtual Jeep Club which is an offroading club in Albuquerque. If there is something you and your hubby are interested in I would highly recommend finding a club, climbing club, hiking club, biking, etc where you will meet guys, girls, and couples to be friends with. I've also met some really nice women and their friends by getting my hair done at some of the young trendy places like Heart and Soul, Loft 47, etc... Also, try a yoga class, book group, or getting involved in volunteering someplace. I volunteer at our local animal shelter and I've met tons of people my age.
This is a good post. I joined just for it, though I've used/forwarded city-data for years. I've even already found other posts wherein even my limited time in ABQ allows me to contribute and/or offer advice. I'm really glad to see that I'm not alone (in feeling so alone here in ABQ). Also reassuring to see that I'm not the only one who faces an unnerving amount of suspicion/rejection (really... I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me?).
I am 3 years out of college now and I work with older, "traditional family" types in government safety analysis/risk mitigation contracting, so it's definitely been an adjustment from small-town college life, where you know almost everyone and everyone has a lot in common concerning lifestyle and phase of identity development. It takes effort to be a loner in college, but here I just slipped right into it and feel like I'm in an unfamiliar rut (more of a ravine). I've even developed a rather shy temperament from the local air of aloofness.
I've tried to strike up conversations with locals at the gym, on trails, in hobby-specific retailers, and at bars. People are notably friendly, welcoming, and laid back in one context, but definitely have a cliquish wall that limits interaction to that one context. This is unfamiliar coming from the Northwest, where people (including me) were usually happy to integrate newcomers from one context into activities in other contexts. Here in ABQ, I could compare the experience of reaching out to feeling like an undercover investigator infiltrating the mafia... you try to strike up a plan or join in, and suddenly people are suspicious and you're imposing. Not an affirming feeling at all and it doesn't take long to become less enthusiastic about reaching out. If I wanted to feel like a shallow creep or get reactions of suspicion/disdain, I'd join a gang or wander around pan handling, respectively. Apparently a wealth of that around here, though I've got several friends in Seattle and LA, so it's nothing new or unique to me (not dissing ABQ... read on).
I grew up in Boise, ID (not small per se, but limited) and went to college in Moscow, ID, then moved to Los Alamos to start my career, and then Albuquerque when do-gooders (i.e., safety/risk contractors and other small businesses) were no longer welcome in the Los Alamos economy (yeah... bad scenario).
I ADORE the bigger city that is Albuquerque, the culture of the Southwest as a whole, and the wealth of great nature access (I'll say it again: I grew up in Idaho).
Speaking of the love of nature and the motives of conservancy it breeds, it occurred to me to hit up the volunteer work sector to meet people of similar interests, but all my jobs have occupied so many weekends, it's hard to get out from under the proverbial rock, if you will. I did volunteer work twice with New Mexico Volunteers for the Outdoors (NMVFO) and that was definitely worthwhile, though in my instances the younger volunteers were cliquish and the older volunteers were humbly aloof, so I haven't really put out my social branches all that much and my meager attempts were fruitless. I plan on giving that many more chances and volunteer work is the best recommendation I've heard so far (clubs can be too demanding for my unpredictable schedule).
Overall, my conceited rumination aside, a lot of info on this thread has really helped fill my mind with ideas. I've already been looking into hiking/backpacking groups (there are several locally), but the humane society idea is great, especially since I'm not as in shape as I was during college and I am an adamant dog/cat person (I have a rescued stray cat myself, though I'm waiting until I have more time to offer attention/affection before I get a dog).
Also, I'm definitely down to meet any other "bewildered loners" in the ABQ area. My recreational enjoyments include hiking and biking on the healthy end, plus pot lucks with good food/drink on the more "hedonistic" end (I am still pretty fresh out of college). I love ethnic/exotic food and consider myself quite the beer/wine/scotch connoisseur. I even own two hookahs after being introduced to shisha during college. I live on a great budget, though at quite a sacrifice to my free time; but I still have most weekends off, especially in the evening.
Last edited by stingraynm; 06-18-2008 at 04:30 PM..
Well, hopefully in a couple of months (when jrod2828 gets moved) there will be a new avenue for all of us to meet and form friendships.
There is/was great post on the Seattle forum about how 'polite' Seattlites are (which has caused great controversary there). There's a link to an article and when I read it (being a transplant to Seattle myself) I was like "exactly!". People are 'friendly' or 'polite' almost everywhere. It's just once you get beyond the initial politeness things can break down. You'll say to someone, "hey let's do lunch sometime." And they resond favorably "Yeah, that would be fun, lets do it." and that enthusiasm lasts right up until you try to set a date... then it wans.
I'm even finding myself being the same way as described in the article. (YIKES) Friendly but aloof - and in my case it's not because I don't want to make more friends or be social - its merely out of being exhuasted. I live in a hectic city with a somewhat demanding job dealing with people all day (usually unhappy people) and in the evenings all I want to do is go home and veg-out. I don't want to make dinner or meet someone and have 'intelligent' conversation. It's too much effort - how sad is that???
And the thought of 'HAVING' to do something, even just once a month... well, its just daunting. Although, admittedly - its always fun and extremely enjoyable when we (hubby) get out and mingle or hosts parties, etc. We then sit back and think - hmmm, we should this more often. I think its the initial steps in getting there. The prep, the planning.
Everyone is so busy nowadays it seems (maybe they always have been and I'm just seeing it more as I get older) - yeah, since when do you have schedule an evening for drink 3 mos in advance??? Silly really but reality to many.
I am looking forward to NM and to meeting new people there - however that comes about.
I also agree about the suspicion and angst over 'foriegners' (meaning anyone not from that area) coming in and taking 'their' jobs. Not that they were laid off in favor of this outsider - the 'native person' (meaning native to the area - not singling out Native Americans) may not even be qualified for the position - but its the perception that oursiders are moving in, taking all the 'good' jobs, jacking up house prices, etc.
I am a firm believer that you reap what you sow - so if you are friendly & kind, then you'll be treated that way...eventually... not always but most of the time, IMHO.
Having moved many times over the years (I'm the one who's family and friends keep my address in PENCIL), I guess the outgoing side of my personality has gotten stronger. I'd talk to a tree if it would talk back. Not that I always make a friend, but at least I know that I tried. Not everyone is like me, of course. But, as Soggy said, you reap what you sow. Sometimes, I just trying smiling and making eye contact as I pass people. It's amazing how many people don't know how to respond!
I found that ABQ had lots of opportunities to get involved - far more than Florida, where we lived before. I also seemed to meet a lot of transplants as well, which probably helped. I was part of a book club (starting one up here!), worked with a great adult literacy program in RR, volunteered in the school (yes, I had kids in the school, but you don't HAVE to), had friends who volunteered at the Rio Grande Nature Center, one friend who was a volunteer fire fighter and other friends who joined camping and hiking groups around the area. Most not-for-profit groups are ALWAYS looking for volunteers, and you do meet a varied group of people, plus you get to be involved with a group or cause that is making a difference in the community. How great is that?
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However, come April 16th, I plan to change things. 
