Albuquerque's Biggest Problem (Valencia: salons, neighborhood, school)

[lemon&lime]

I agree completely. I'm a native Texan and more or less gave up soon after moving to Albuquerque. The place just never opened itself to me on any level. People were nice when they needed to be but not overly so. Frankly I think nowadays this is pretty common no matter where you live. When I landed in Albuquerque in 2000 I went to the mall across the street from Winrock and wandered in to a vitamin store. I asked a guy who was working there to give me the "low down" on what Albuquerque is really like. He told me it was mostly a self centered town filled with people who are either in to their cliques or their own personal lives.... I never made many friends there but my one good friend certainly does fit that description: nice but not friendly. I would try to work around it. Either that or try to make friends with some Texas transplants. Some of us bring our money and stay.

Originally Posted by stingraynm

Two critiques I have about NM: Idaho is what some might call an overly friendly state, but Idahoans like me enjoyed that way of life. There are many benefits and opportunities to be benevolent when you know all your neighbors personally. It has been difficult to adjust to the more cliquish, exclusive, easily put off social temprament in places like Santa Fe and Espanola...... Albuquerque's been great on that front when I dine out or take a night on the town, though when I made rounds with neighbors, some of the younger ones looked at me like I had an obscenity tattooed on my forehead. To reach out to people with a friendly gesture and get a cold silence in return is something I wouldn't have even had nightmares about in Idaho. Perhaps someone could fill me in on what appears from my paradigm to be a taboo against friendliness? Why are such a significant frequency of people in Albuquerque only cordial and open when it's their job? Why is it bad to be neighborly or strike up conversation with someone who shares my predicament of waiting in a line? I love to travel, and as a result, I love to engage in dialogue, so I can adjust to a more guarded populace, but would hate to give up entirely.
I've met and dealt with many nice people here in Albuquerque, but they're just not actually friendly per se.

[rybert]

I just don't see it.

[finmqa1]

I really do think the friendliness of Albuquerque depends on where you are coming from. If you are moving from Boise or Charlotte, then I would think we can seem rude or less friendly. However, if you are coming from L.A. or Chicago, the perception changes to quite friendly. I don't think there is a proper response to the city's friendly factor because there are too many variables.

[nmnita]

Originally Posted by ABQSunseeker

I wonder if that attitude is as common anymore. As a newcomer meeting lots of newcomers here, the prevailing view for many of us is that Albuquerque is a good place to be (while still recognizing some of its weaknesses).
I suppose that old attitude about the city and its possibilities has always resulted in a city that was considered undervalued and underrated, but that is changing now.
Maybe we should be lucky that the city hasn't changed too fast like Phoenix and Vegas?

I think that is a good point, Phoenix and Vegas are two places that have just grown in all directions with no plans, no personality, nothing. That being said, we just left NM, after 7 years. We had lots of wonderful friends which we miss terribly, other than that and the beauty of the area I really have to say, I don't miss it at all. We found, after 7 years the entire state had too many problems, bad schools, (Abq certainly) lack of doctors, poverty, and yes, not a real feeling of community as well has high crime. It seemed many, who had lived in NM all their lives didn't really want to see any changes. If we don't and prosper we die (I am referring to cities) NM has so much to offer, but pride isn't one of the things.

Nita

[ABQConvict]

'Friendly' does not, by any means, mean 'wants to be friends'.

It is quite possible that the aloof, 'unfriendly' person is actually quite a nice person, becoming of friendship, while the outgoing, 'friendly' and smiling person doesn't give two cr*ps about who you are, where you came from, or whether you want to go for a hike in the Sandias this weekend.

Making friends in a new city is difficult and the best way, as is oft repeated on this forum and others, is to join an interest group.

ABQConvict

[rybert]

ABQ = best city in USA

Yeah, I went there.

[stingraynm]

Originally Posted by rybert

I just don't see it.

I just (wish I didn't) see it. What area do you live in and where do you hang out? I'd like to "see" those places.

If I hadn't promptly and proficiently made friends in so many other areas I've lived and visited, I'd be going to a shrink and social ed classes to try to ascertain what in tarnation is wrong with me. On that note, I do appreciate the posts I've read from folks like catrinac, 'cause it's always reassuring to know that I'm not some lone intrusively friendly neurotic. Some of the reactions I get make me wonder, so mostly I'm just wondering if it's considered rude here to talk to people you don't know, or what?

I know that meeting people takes time and I am a very young transplant to this area, in relative terms to those who have local family and/or friends. I also know there're offish folks everywhere, but the frequency in my experience here has been unnerving.

From there, finmqa1 makes a good point about the fact that there's no way to really say any area's "unfriendly", especially due to my relative comparison with what tends to be an extremely friendly area. Also, I agree with that because stereotypes are absurd, and as I've said in many Idaho forums, people who stereotype an area for being unwelcoming have perhaps just revealed why the area is so unwelcoming to them. Nobody welcomes the type of people who make obtuse generalizations or contentiously blame others. Nonetheless, those are people with no willingness to adjust, whereas I'm all about adjustment so I can enjoy being a "local" in yet another great city. And I'm sure catrinac meant no offense either, and was equally willing to adjust to more guarded social conventions.

I'm not trying to fix everyones' reaction to me; rather, I'm hoping to adjust my reaction to everyone in such a way that I can get acquainted with prospective friends like an Albuquerquean, 'cause doing so like a Boisean isn't getting results... in fact, it's creeping me out about as much as I feel like I'm creeping other people out.

[rybert]

I suppose I have not really experienced the city as an adult.

I have been in Texas since I started college (only to return to ABQ for summer & winter break).

I'm certain it might be difficult for adults to meet new people... it took me a while to make friends here in Houston... which I would rate as "friendly."

I don't think I will have trouble adjusting back to the ABQ lifestyle as I have many friends who are still in town.

But yeah... joint an interest group... find a hobby... fly a kite.

[stingraynm]

Originally Posted by ABQConvict

'Friendly' does not, by any means, mean 'wants to be friends'.

It is quite possible that the aloof, 'unfriendly' person is actually quite a nice person, becoming of friendship, while the outgoing, 'friendly' and smiling person doesn't give two cr*ps about who you are, where you came from, or whether you want to go for a hike in the Sandias this weekend.

Making friends in a new city is difficult and the best way, as is oft repeated on this forum and others, is to join an interest group.

ABQConvict

Nice... now see there, a good informative post while I was writing my little clarification above.

Also, you make a good point. I've always had my passionate fascination with perspective and love of those who feed that insatiable mental/emotional/intellectual appetite, but until I started travelling away from family/friends and had to become outgoing, I was shy to the extent that many considered me to be "aloof". I've hurt the feelings of many a "friendly" person while growing up, without even knowing I had. Also, I used to be more attractive, so I hurt a lot of girls' feelings, too, once again without even being aware. None of that was in any way due to a lack of interest, but just an inability to relay that interest.

It really wasn't until early college that it fully sunk into my thickly introverted skull that my appetite for perspective would require a certain amount of vulnerability, receptiveness, and openness in order to make others comfortable with opening up to me. One of the best epiphones in my paradigm, but it is unfortunately hard to look back. My childhood blessed me with the gift of self-entertainment, but it's sort of like I got a bit too much of myself, and mostly just use my mass of mental constructs now to throw out on the table and get a load of other peoples' perspectives. I may be an introvert by natural inclination, but extraversion is an addictive habit once you get a taste of the mental, emotional, and physical exchanges it instigates. Ever since college and travelling abroad, I can't get enough!

All in all, perhaps this whole experience of moving to Albuquerque is just karma's good ol' mirror glaring in my face.

[stingraynm]

Originally Posted by rybert

I suppose I have not really experienced the city as an adult.

I have been in Texas since I started college (only to return to ABQ for summer & winter break).

I'm certain it might be difficult for adults to meet new people... it took me a while to make friends here in Houston... which I would rate as "friendly."

I don't think I will have trouble adjusting back to the ABQ lifestyle as I have many friends who are still in town.

But yeah... joint an interest group... find a hobby... fly a kite.

And another good informative post. I do have a job now that keeps me busy 40 hours a week, and quite often on nights and weekends. I have a lot of downtime that I have to still be at work, but I also have a lot of time crunches when stuff is due and we need more systems up and running.

That's a bit different than the circumstances I had in college, and during that period I did adapt more to associating with service staff and living in lower income areas.

I think the issue with my neighbors now may be a result of higher income demographics. A lot of those people are all too busy like me or already happy/preoccupied with all the family/friends/activities their life holds. Nobody is interested in getting to know a neighbor just like none of my coworkers are interested in getting to know a coworker outside of work. In a way, some of that's mutual, but the cold response from some of my neighbors when I just went through the conventional niceties was something I'd never experienced.

I suppose I am used to having more directly in common with coworkers and neighbors. College had a lot of financial and self-worth downers (and it's nice to get paid for work instead of having to pay for work that only hopefully builds to something applicable/meaningful), but I really do miss the ease of interaction that was provided by constant proximity with other people of similar interests and a small town service sector "underground" of sorts.

You and ABQConvict have good suggestions with volunteering, and I've really only tried that three times at this juncture, so I haven't given it a fair chance.