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Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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If in a dating relationship - is it customary for the guy to pay for dates he is not interested in going to - like the girl's family members birthday parties at expensive restaurants all the time?
In Chile dating is called "Pololeando" mi "polola" is girlfriend "pololo" is boyfriend...
I really dont know about this particular situation. Before I married my argentine wife when i was single I dated a beautiful Chilean girl, and a few times she bought me ice-cream but usually I paid. Generally, I would say though that the Chilean woman is much more traditional and conservative than an american women.
Chilean women are hopeless romantics and theres no such thing as casual dating. They fall in love quickly and its all out or nothing. So be forewarned, they take dating much more seriously than we do. They are also nesting at a younger age than an american women and marriage, family, kids...its a BIG deal to a Chilean women!
However if its a poorer family, you being an american, there is a misconception that americans are all wealthy....this does happen..
I recommend a book for you. Its called "Chilenismos" and its a dictionary about Chilean spanish and also customs...saved my butt a few times while living in "Chile po!"
But your a young lady...so...whats going on? Can you provide a bit more info? You are dating a Chilean guy?
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
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Thank you very much for the reply Eric.
I am not dating anyone, but I know of someone that is.
I also took the time to do some googling on the topic. General things like dating ettiquette, gift giving ettiquette, eating ettiquette.
His "polola" invites him to family functions that are held in pricey restaurants - like her brother's birthday party, as an example. From what I have read, Chileans are very hospitable and generous people, and if I ever visit Chile, I can be expected - if I get to know anyone and make some friends while Im there - to be invited to someone's house or a restaurant for dinner. As a guest, I should send flowers to the host, but avoiding yellow, purple or black flowers. In America, I would be expected to provide a decent gift for the 'guest of honor', at least in keeping with the cost of my participation in the event, but I would not be expected to pay for any food or entertainment that was provided at the event, and especially not for my date - the 'guest of honor' s sister.
It doesnt seem like Chilean ettiquette is much different than American, in regard to being 'a guest'.
Dating does seem different to a degree. Your post confirms what I read about falling in love quickly. Ive also read about a lot of open stares that last like 10 minutes if someone is interested in you, and also, being greeted by someone you are meeting for the first time, with a request for a date. Americans dont move that fast, usually.
The guy in the situation fully expects to pay for dates they go out alone as a couple on, or for anything he invites her to, but he questioned this habitual - you have to go to this friends special function, or this family members special function, and pay for both of our pricey meals.
The guy was struggling to keep up with these requests from the "polola", but then he became unemployed. She refuses to understand that he may have to support himself off any savings he may have until he gets another job. She seemed to take it personal that he is no longer in a position to afford to do this. And yes, she tells him this sudden lack of ability means he does not love her anymore.
As you say about, 'America" and money, being envolved - maybe it is personal - as in a personal requirement of hers for him.
Its interesting to note that neither one of them is American (she is Chilean - and telling him it is customary to accept her requests and to always pay for both of them even if he is a guest. I dont know his nationality, but it is neither 'American" nor Chilean.), or amazingly wealthier than the other, but they both live here. She is in debt at her young age, and he has proven to be responsible with money.
They might keep seeing each other, but "pololo" will not be receiving any invitations to her family events, if he is not paying.
Thanks again for the reply. Very nice of you to share your knowledge and experience on the subject.
Last edited by ConeyGirl52; 10-05-2014 at 12:48 PM..
No this isnt customary, she just sounds like a money gruber....he needs to be a man and kick her behind to the curb. Shes obviously being unreasonable and stupid....by the way, this is my argentine wife saying this....lol. I asked her about it.
If its a chilean "custom" I was not exposed to that while there. Even so, he sounds too passive, which to me, sounds like hes american. Its this kind of stuff that causes americans to get in trouble down here. In latin america, people are much quicker, sneakier, you have to learn to be more assertive and less non confrontational. If not, LA will chew you up and spit you out.....you wont last if you dont learn some street smarts and how to be a bit more assertive down here.
Argentina, as well as Chile, it is customary to bring a gift the first time you meet someones family. In Chile, "chocolate" goes a LONG way! They LOVE chocolate and sweets, argentina is the same. In Chile I saw some of the largest chocolate bars ever, Hershey bars on steroids, and I would see these skinny young teen girls buy a whole one and eat it! So chocolate or a bottle of nice Chilean wine is nice, if its a serious date, or, if you have been invited to meet the family.
Buying a flower of ANY kind for a Chilean women will be an automatic sign that you are in love with her and interpreted that the relationship is VERY serious. Also Chilean men are very macho and kinda chauvenistic....and quite immature as well, like Argentine men. The vast majority of them in my opinion wont be ready marriage material until they are well into their 30's. Which is why in Chile you see alot of young 20 something Chilenas dating guys in their 40s. Also they live at home with their parents until their 30's and in many cases, you get married, you're expected to live in another house, maybe on the back side of the property. They have VERY little concept of privacy, personal space, or independence, and dont understand our attitudes towards the same.
The Chilean mother- in-law is a whole other ball game, dont even get me started...ESPECIALLY if its the mother of a Chilean man...... She has the whole family wrapped around her finger, everyone is a marionette and santa madre pulls all the strings. She controls everything, very manipulative and knows how to play the victim mentality like pro...
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,146,559 times
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I feel the same way, lol.
I also agree with your assessment of his personality, Eric. I feel sorry for him though, he seems frantic and devastated. It's truely sad, and convincing.
Im not sure what is up with that in America, but it seems a lot of people have lost sight of their role in the big sceme of things, and no population more so than the youth, including adults, here. Everyone is walking around plugged into their cell phones, texting out 'relationships', and upset that they dont know how to deal with a person of the opposite sex face to face, lol. Crazy.
Last edited by Ibginnie; 10-05-2014 at 07:13 PM..
Reason: English only please
I also agree with your assessment of his personality, Eric. I feel sorry for him though, he seems frantic and devastated. It's truely sad, and convincing.
Im not sure what is up with that in America, but it seems a lot of people have lost sight of their role in the big sceme of things, and no population more so than the youth, including adults, here. Everyone is walking around plugged into their cell phones, texting out 'relationships', and upset that they dont know how to deal with a person of the opposite sex face to face, lol. Crazy.
Down here its that way. In Argentina there are actually more cell phones than people....I read about it recently....so, its getting that way everywhere.
The guy was struggling to keep up with these requests from the "polola", but then he became unemployed. She refuses to understand that he may have to support himself off any savings he may have until he gets another job. She seemed to take it personal that he is no longer in a position to afford to do this. And yes, she tells him this sudden lack of ability means he does not love her anymore.
Tell your friend to run, run, run away.
I dated plenty of South American girls while I was in South America. You have all kinds down there.
There is also a possibility of certain Latina women expecting the man to pay for every date. However, your friend's situation sounds way too extreme in that direction.
Regardless even if it was simply counted as CULTURE, the reality is that your friend CANNOT afford that whatsoever. Meaning, he needs to get away form that relationship.
I had a pretty serious relationship with a Chilena before I met my beautiful Argentine wife who swept me off of my feet. Also their was another one that I had a crush on....anways, I never met any that were like this young lady you describe here
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,146,559 times
Reputation: 3814
Yeah Tiger, I hope he does. I hope the experience helps him expand on his manhood skills too.
'Bad girls' justify the existence of 'bad boys' and vice versa - its a vicous cycle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyGirl52
I feel the same way, lol.
Eric, I have to address a little seemingly insignificant thing. When I made the post that now begins with this line, I had started it in Spanish, which I am now aware is against the forum rules.
I wanted to thank your wife in what I perceived to be her native tongue, not knowing if she could read English or not. It doesnt matter if she can or not, that was just why I wrote it in Spanish.
"Ah! Much thanks to your wife, Senora (Mrs) "EricOldTime", much thanks. I feel the same way, lol. "
That's the original post completely in English. I wouldnt mention it at all, except it feels very rude not to acknowledge her personal contribution, as I had originally intended.
My apologies for not correcting it in my previous post.
OMG! After reading of your messages I was really shocked by the fact of how much a relationship can depend on money. I guess, that you make a great choice to share the experience of your friend here, because a lot of people use online dating sites or apps and they do not know what to expect from an another person. I advise to everybody who is interested in dating with chilean girls to stay informed by the vital information about mentality of chilean women. By the way, personally, I find chilean women to be talkative, and I understood that they prefer educated men, so, I guess this will help you understand if chilean woman is suitable for you... Good luck everyone!
Last edited by Spireman; 09-15-2019 at 01:30 AM..
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