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Old 06-05-2017, 02:00 PM
 
143 posts, read 80,566 times
Reputation: 234

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Would me sending you money help ,if so how do you get it without he knowing about it ?

 
Old 06-05-2017, 02:25 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
63,189 posts, read 69,444,426 times
Reputation: 31801
Seeing OP hasn't come back,I am guessing she has figured a way to get out of her situation or she was jsut really frustrated when she was posting and has calmed down some.
 
Old 06-05-2017, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Booth Texas
7,991 posts, read 2,225,873 times
Reputation: 786
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I just wish the OP luck......shoes, those are an essential. OT here, but I've felt for about a year now my daughter is being held "captive" in an abuse situation. She says she wants to be there, but I can't understand why. Everytime I see her, she's wearing slippers, sandals, moccasins, etc, something soft and not good for walking, let alone running. I've bought her shoes, but I never see them on her. I bought her decent work shoes, and I understand she leaves them at work? Guess they figure they're ok at work, but she isn't walking out anywhere.


The whole thing makes me sick.


OP, you need good shoes to run. Is there any way you could somehow get a pair and hide them outside somewhere? If BF sees you wearing new or different shoes, especially sturdy, close toed shoes, now in the summer, he will get suspicious. What size do you wear? I would send you a pair if we could pull it off....perhaps you're better off making a break wearing what you usually do, then appeal to a shelter, church, wherever for help.

I can't tell you how many times I have intervened between a couple, and it aint never been nice, I go over there and slap the husband around a little bit while the wife slaps me, and that usually works just fine. Then you go over there again and she wants to call the police and so you bring them into your house and they be crying for him the whole time, I done slapped him around twice and she begins a love/hate relationship with me as her savior and the persecutor of her beloved and she is torn. She goes back to him, and they come to me a couple weeks later demanding I pay their domestic violence fees.


I have pulled over in the middle of Beechnut, got out and brought a man down as he was beating the fire out of some women, and then she jumps on my back, and goes into crazy as hell, Daddy scared now.


I have had guns and knives pulled out on me from men and women because I wont tolerate a man beating on a woman, and 99 % of the time, I was always awarded punishment for my actions, but just to help one of them leave those crazy bastards is worth all the other failures.


I have dealt with a whole lot of people though, I have fought so many people that I can't even remember all the times, but sometimes that is all people understand when they are using their fists against somebody else. We just always had people in our house, there might have been 25 to 200 people in our house in any given year, we raised a lot of people, and the sort we dealt with was the type of people nobody else wanted to deal with because of violence, they understand violence.
 
Old 06-05-2017, 04:31 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
5,461 posts, read 1,852,067 times
Reputation: 11074
I was married the first time at 18. The first time he hit me I went to work like I did every day, came home at lunch, packed up the necessities and got the hell out. I will never understand why women stay with abusers especially these days when the cops DO get involved and don't think it's okay for a husband to smack his wife around every once in a while. It's even harder for me to understand when there are no children involved. But that's neither here nor there.


OP - you have been given some excellent advice including what to do with your dogs. I suggest you calm down, read this advice over and over and do what you have to do to get out of there.
 
Old 06-05-2017, 04:40 PM
 
2,886 posts, read 1,643,972 times
Reputation: 10475
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I was married the first time at 18. The first time he hit me I went to work like I did every day, came home at lunch, packed up the necessities and got the hell out. I will never understand why women stay with abusers especially these days when the cops DO get involved and don't think it's okay for a husband to smack his wife around every once in a while.
I didn't call the police on my ex-husband because I would have gotten it worse after they left.

And I still wouldn't have had any money to make an escape. You had a job. Totally different. I think you were smart to leave when you did but not everyone can.
 
Old 06-05-2017, 05:04 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
5,461 posts, read 1,852,067 times
Reputation: 11074
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I remember feeling like I was walking on eggshells growing up with a psychotic grandmother never knowing what might set her off. Maybe that's why I got out so quickly. Yes, I was fortunate I had a job, my own car and family nearby. How are you doing now?
 
Old 06-05-2017, 06:08 PM
 
8,648 posts, read 12,908,058 times
Reputation: 13034
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hannibal Flavius View Post
I can't tell you how many times I have intervened between a couple, and it aint never been nice, I go over there and slap the husband around a little bit while the wife slaps me, and that usually works just fine. Then you go over there again and she wants to call the police and so you bring them into your house and they be crying for him the whole time, I done slapped him around twice and she begins a love/hate relationship with me as her savior and the persecutor of her beloved and she is torn. She goes back to him, and they come to me a couple weeks later demanding I pay their domestic violence fees.


I have pulled over in the middle of Beechnut, got out and brought a man down as he was beating the fire out of some women, and then she jumps on my back, and goes into crazy as hell, Daddy scared now.


I have had guns and knives pulled out on me from men and women because I wont tolerate a man beating on a woman, and 99 % of the time, I was always awarded punishment for my actions, but just to help one of them leave those crazy bastards is worth all the other failures.


I have dealt with a whole lot of people though, I have fought so many people that I can't even remember all the times, but sometimes that is all people understand when they are using their fists against somebody else. We just always had people in our house, there might have been 25 to 200 people in our house in any given year, we raised a lot of people, and the sort we dealt with was the type of people nobody else wanted to deal with because of violence, they understand violence.
Yep, spoken like a true Texan! My Dad was from Virginia, they don't tolerate women beaters, either! I was raised not to take crap. That's why I can't understand my own daughter, and how she tolerates this guy she's with. She's a beautiful lady, she doesn't need to take whatever, and she has a home with us, but she says its a "matter of pride." I told her if she had any pride, she wouldn't be in that spot to begin with! Maybe that's why she won't talk to me now?


I know what you mean, some people are, what my mother would call, a "glutton for punishment.". Seems the more someone stomps on them, the more they like it! In such cases, they deserve each other!


I hope OP manages to get free of her situation. She might make a dramatic break for freedom, but go right back to him once the drama dies down. If she's still on this board, I would be willing to send her some shoes, if she needs them to escape. I just know my own daughter is kept "wardrobe impaired". If I buy her anything too good, they take it off her and sell it in flea markets . I find if I buy something at Goodwill, or"rough up" what I buy her, somehow, she manages to keep it I still can't understand why she tolerates such treatment........
 
Old 06-05-2017, 06:27 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
5,461 posts, read 1,852,067 times
Reputation: 11074
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Yep, spoken like a true Texan! My Dad was from Virginia, they don't tolerate women beaters, either! I was raised not to take crap. That's why I can't understand my own daughter, and how she tolerates this guy she's with. She's a beautiful lady, she doesn't need to take whatever, and she has a home with us, but she says its a "matter of pride." I told her if she had any pride, she wouldn't be in that spot to begin with! Maybe that's why she won't talk to me now?


I know what you mean, some people are, what my mother would call, a "glutton for punishment.". Seems the more someone stomps on them, the more they like it! In such cases, they deserve each other!


I hope OP manages to get free of her situation. She might make a dramatic break for freedom, but go right back to him once the drama dies down. If she's still on this board, I would be willing to send her some shoes, if she needs them to escape. I just know my own daughter is kept "wardrobe impaired". If I buy her anything too good, they take it off her and sell it in flea markets . I find if I buy something at Goodwill, or"rough up" what I buy her, somehow, she manages to keep it I still can't understand why she tolerates such treatment........
Who's they?
 
Old 06-05-2017, 07:48 PM
 
541 posts, read 253,044 times
Reputation: 1640
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I was married the first time at 18. The first time he hit me I went to work like I did every day, came home at lunch, packed up the necessities and got the hell out. I will never understand why women stay with abusers especially these days when the cops DO get involved and don't think it's okay for a husband to smack his wife around every once in a while. It's even harder for me to understand when there are no children involved. But that's neither here nor there.


OP - you have been given some excellent advice including what to do with your dogs. I suggest you calm down, read this advice over and over and do what you have to do to get out of there.
Bravo to you for packing up and doing what needed to be done.

And this is my problem with OP's whole story. Another poster on here said "Don't blame the victim" and at this point I'm like....well why not? She has agency.

I'll also say this. Do we have arranged marriages? Nope. Do we live in a society where divorce isn't possible? Nope. Are women free to choose their partners? Absolutely. So why keep choosing the losers? The warning signs were there all along (I guarantee it), but many (most?) women choose to ignore those signs and the oh-so-obvious abusive personality traits.

Sure the actual physical abuse or the oppressive mental/verbal abuse might not start until years down the road, but the character traits behind it all were ALWAYS there. This is why women need male friends who can keep them grounded and who are better judges of male character; I always give my ladies great advice. The sad part is that they're often hesitant to take it because they "don't want to be 'alone'", but I think that evolved as part of the cave-woman brain.
 
Old 06-05-2017, 07:50 PM
 
8,648 posts, read 12,908,058 times
Reputation: 13034
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
Who's they?
Her boyfriend and his family.
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