[Cat5e]

Originally Posted by nmnita

I am not talking about hooking up via the net. That is done all the time and seems to work quite well, I am talking about someone in the situation the OP says she is in. Coming here and asking for help isn't going to result in her finding her life partner and could lead to trouble.She needs to be dealing with professionals who know how to help her with her problems assuming everything she has said is true.

This.

[Hannibal Flavius]

Originally Posted by nmnita

I am not talking about hooking up via the net. That is done all the time and seems to work quite well, I am talking about someone in the situation the OP says she is in. Coming here and asking for help isn't going to result in her finding her life partner and could lead to trouble.She needs to be dealing with professionals who know how to help her with her problems assuming everything she has said is true.

You are really starting to depress me man, my buzz is almost chilled with your negativity kingfish.


You need to drop what your doing right now, and you need to get to the movie getting place and buy you a Disney, maybe Witch Mountain or something. Maybe you need to smoke you a dube and come back to try again with some hope and a little magic, and don't forget the wink and the smile. God knows what you would do if somebody put ****e in your cornbread, now stop being such a downer and for God's sake, put some music on.


You probably aint no redneck, and so you may not have the propensity to understand where I come from and the magic that lives and breaths, I got a little extra in my back pocket bro.







https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__HPfmvaWRw

[nmnita]

Originally Posted by Hannibal Flavius

You are really starting to depress me man, my buzz is almost chilled with your negativity kingfish.


You need to drop what your doing right now, and you need to get to the movie getting place and buy you a Disney, maybe Witch Mountain or something. Maybe you need to smoke you a dube and come back to try again with some hope and a little magic, and don't forget the wink and the smile. God knows what you would do if somebody put ****e in your cornbread, now stop being such a downer and for God's sake, put some music on.


You probably aint no redneck, and so you may not have the propensity to understand where I come from and the magic that lives and breaths, I got a little extra in my back pocket bro.







https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__HPfmvaWRw

what the heck? well, it is obviously we will never see eye to eye on this one. Probably we would never see eye to eye on much, but that is what makes Cd a good place. We have a chance to vent and to post our feelings,, without having to agree or be PC>

[Hannibal Flavius]

Originally Posted by nmnita

what the heck? well, it is obviously we will never see eye to eye on this one. Probably we would never see eye to eye on much, but that is what makes Cd a good place. We have a chance to vent and to post our feelings,, without having to agree or be PC>

Yeah, I see it as a family, and ole girl might just need a wink and a smile. I know all too well how it is to sit in a house depressed with nobody to talk to. This is all I have.

[Rbbi1]

Originally Posted by vhenderson

I am desperate and serious. I have been locked(my choice to keep him away) in a room for 9 days, I have no access to money! I found a camper to move into with my three dogs. I need help moving my furniture into storage. I need to move ASAP to get away from my abusive husband. I cant go to a shelter and leave my dogs, he could harm them. He took my house key so if I leave, I leave what little I have left. I have been emotionally and financially abused by a totally controlling man and I am ready to leave and not look back but I really need help in Conway Arkansas!!!! He is so concerned with how he looks to everyone else that he will not be a danger and I will not take anything that he would object to. I am begging for help to get away and I cant pay for anything. I have called the hotlines and there is no help that way, only a shelter bed in another county.

I have been in a similar situation, and you only think you are powerless because he stripped you of any long ago and deluded you into thinking it was permanent. It's not, unless you let it be.

Since you have not jumped on the other's suggestions, and you don't seem to be in serious physical danger likely to be a statistic soon, let's break it down into smaller pieces not so difficult to chew.

You haven't mentioned your job skills. What have you done, and why aren't you working now? It would seem to me the first step towards independence has to be a job, even if it's only temp enough to get you out of town. If you want to move to a nearby town, then try for a job in THAT town. Work until you have saved enough to get your own place where your dogs will be welcome.

Most States have legal aid societies where they lawyers will do pro bono work for those of low income or unusual circumstances requiring immediate need with little or no money. Google and find out where the closest one in your State is, and begin divorce proceedings immediately, so you can get protection orders if you think you need them. And you may; controlling abusers generally don't take losing their "mouse" they were toying with, too well, and the claws eventually come out, reputation or not.

If men only understood that their woman is a presentation and reflection of their own soul, and how well she is treated and cared for, respected and treasured, protected and exalted as their "queen", only makes them and their "kingdom" look better. But sadly, most of them don't even know who THEY are, much less their wives.

Find a woman's group and other public resources for support in your new location. State Family and Social Services offices usually have a list typed up of where you can get ALL kinds of help, like with utilities, rent, groceries, support groups, and with churches that help in myriads of ways, ect. The legal aide and SFSS should be your first stops after finding a job and landing a place to stay.

And a word to the wise....if you go to a church, don't feel pressured to fill a pew for them JUST because they helped you out. That's what they're supposed to do, without exacting a "reward" in return, and that includes lining you up through guilt to be a pew warmer and a tither for them. If the motive of their heart is right, they'll help you JUST BECAUSE. I've seen people leave one abusive relationship only to end up in another one perpetrated by a controlling church.

Feel free to contact me via PM. May He watch over you and protect you, strengthen and equip you, open doors He wants opened, and close those He doesn't. Peace

[CraigCreek]

OP, if you're still reading this, call any one of the major churches in Conway and tell them you need help. They might be able to lend a hand, or they might have to run it by the board, etc. If it's the later, maybe they could help with transportation to a shelter, if you make it clear your need is urgent.

Call the police again. Tell them what you've written here. Don't let them brush you off or try to persuade you to stay for more abuse.

There are doggy-daycares and boarding facilities in Little Rock, and I would expect Conway has similar places. Call your vet and see what he or she suggests. Tell you husband you dropped them off to get groomed. You can retrieve them later, after you're in a safe place yourself.

There are also people who foster animals - local animal shelters might help with this. You might need to consider giving them up to a no-kill adoption shelter, if you cannot find a safe way to keep your dogs. That would be better than leaving them with your abusive husband.

Is your family of origin aware of your situation? Even if they're not, can you fill them in and see if they can offer help? Loans, transportation, etc.? If something happens to you and they are not aware of your situation in time to help, they will be devastated. Call them. Ditto good trustworthy friends.

Don't worry about your furniture. Focus on your legal records - SS card, birth certificates, driver's license, financial records, marriage license, checkbook, credit cards, and so on. Stash them in a safe place.

If you have valuable jewelry, take it if you can. Sew it into the hems of your clothes if need be. Start carrying the largest purse you own, and wear clothes with pockets. Fill 'em up - couple of changes of underwear, extra t-shirt, extra socks, comb, toothbrush, and so on. Say you're chilly, and add a jacket (with pockets, again). Wear good walking or running shoes.

If you have to deal with your husband for a few days, be as sweet as pie and let his abuse roll off your back. Practice saying, "Yes, honey, you're right and I'm so sorry". This is part of your escape plan! You want to calm him down, get him off-guard, and protect yourself so you can get away safely.

Meanwhile, where is that camper van you mentioned? Is it nearby, drivable, parked somewhere? If it's parked elsewhere, do you have a means of making a quick getaway?

Tell your husband you're going to drop off the dogs at the groomers, then heading to the grocery to do the week's shopping. Ask him what he wants - then, "Oh, gee, looks like I'm out of cash - can you take care of this?" and take whatever he will give you. Make a shopping list, in his sight. Take the dogs, walk out the door - and hit the road for the women's shelter. If you have to go to Little Rock, do so. Turn off any tracking devices - cell phone, GPS, etc.

Good luck to you. Now, go call the police. Now.

[Hannibal Flavius]

Good post Rbb1, and Craig.


Way better than mine lol.


But yeah, that is some good advise.

[MaryleeII]

I just wish the OP luck......shoes, those are an essential. OT here, but I've felt for about a year now my daughter is being held "captive" in an abuse situation. She says she wants to be there, but I can't understand why. Everytime I see her, she's wearing slippers, sandals, moccasins, etc, something soft and not good for walking, let alone running. I've bought her shoes, but I never see them on her. I bought her decent work shoes, and I understand she leaves them at work? Guess they figure they're ok at work, but she isn't walking out anywhere.


The whole thing makes me sick.


OP, you need good shoes to run. Is there any way you could somehow get a pair and hide them outside somewhere? If BF sees you wearing new or different shoes, especially sturdy, close toed shoes, now in the summer, he will get suspicious. What size do you wear? I would send you a pair if we could pull it off....perhaps you're better off making a break wearing what you usually do, then appeal to a shelter, church, wherever for help.

[cfbs2691]

You can call the police and have them stand there as you move out to make sure your husband doesn't do anything stupid. I'm pretty sure you can schedule it rather than having to call with no notice.

[MaryleeII]

Originally Posted by cfbs2691

You can call the police and have them stand there as you move out to make sure your husband doesn't do anything stupid. I'm pretty sure you can schedule it rather than having to call with no notice.

Yes, this^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^