[Starlady01]

Mr Obama has provided rich fodder for comedians looking to prick his pomposity, predicting that people would look back at his nomination as the moment “when the rise of the oceans began to slow”.



Craig Ferguson: “Barack Obama was in Germany” today, and “he did this speech and 100,000 people showed up. There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France…surrendered just in case.”


Jimmy Kimmel: “They really love Barack Obama in Germany. He’s like a rock star over there. Impressive until you realize that David Hasselhoff is also like a rock star over there.”


David Letterman: Signs Barack Obama Is Overconfident.


Proposed bill to change Oklahoma to ‘Oklabama.’


Offered Bush 20 bucks for the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner.


Asked guy at Staples, ‘Which chair will work best in an oval-shaped office?’


Having head measured for Mount Rushmore.


Offered McCain a job in gift shop at Obama Presidential Library.


Jay Leno: “Of course, Obama’s supporters got him his usual birthday gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.”


Jay Leno: “Obama’s people are trying to portray McCain as cranky, and McCain is trying to portray Obama as arrogant, you see. And when Obama was asked what he thought about being called arrogant, well, he said he was ‘above having to answer that question.’”


Jay Leno: “See Barack Obama on the news? He’s becoming a workout fanatic. He’s at the gym, like, twice a day, sometimes three times a day at the gym, yeah, according to his staff. Well, he has to stay in shape to do those flip-flops.”


Jay Leno: “Barack Obama back from his big European tour. Did you see him in Europe? People were cheering him, holding up signs, blowing him kisses. And that was just the American media covering the story.”


The Audacity of Elitism
Kudos to Tennyson who created this Photoshop of the liberal snob posted at michellemalkin.com.
Tennyson! Yo, Barack. Get over yourself already

[sandgirl]

A mountaineer took his son to a school to enroll him. "My boy's after larning', what d'ya have?" he asked the teacher.

"We offer English, trigonometry, spelling, etc.," she replied.

"Well, give him some of that thar trigernometry; he's the worst shot in the family."

[sandgirl]

A woman said to her friend: "Whenever I'm down in the dumps I buy myself a dress."

"Really?" said the friend. "I've always wondered where you got them."

[sandgirl]

Lionel is getting quite bald and his elder daughter's wedding is coming up. All his friends and family would be there, and, well, even men can be vain. He gets fitted with an expensive toupee. On the wedding day, everything went well. Nevertheless, Lionel thought that everyone must have seen his toupee. Next day, his youngest daughter sees his worried look and says, "What's the matter, Daddy? Why are you so sad?"

"I'm not really sad, darling," he replies, "it's just that I'm sure everyone yesterday saw that I was wearing a wig."

"No they didn't, Daddy," she says, "No one I told knew."

[nan5623]

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'


She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two

[Rainbow Island]

The wife and I went grocery shopping the other day and got separated.
While looking for her I ran into another guy that was looking for his wife.

So I ask him what she looks like, and he said,
"She is tall, blonde,well endowed and beautiful."

He then asked me what my wife looks like, I replied,
"Never-mind , let`s look for your wife."

[Rainbow Island]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever
done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can
think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills
out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were
threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but
they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily
tattooed biker and smacked him in his face ... Kicked his bike over,
ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now,
back off!! Or I'll kick the snot out of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

[nan5623]

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy.. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available. "George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

True Story I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people

[Rainbow Island]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first
football game. They had great seats right behind their team's
bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all
the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!

[Rainbow Island]

WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front..
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.