[Bull Winkus]

Duh... Rog? What's K8? - Bull W.

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Counting the Days...


A business man got on an elevator in a tall building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F".

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T".

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F. It means Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it? duuhhh!"

The man answered, "S-H-I-T -- Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

[Bull Winkus]

Changes to the English Language...


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.

Zen Z Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru !!!

[Bull Winkus]

Celebrities on Sex ... And Relationships of Course!

Woody Allen: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things money can buy."

Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Rodney Dangerfield: "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."

George Burns: "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

George Burns: "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

Harvey Korman: "Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building."

Drew Carey: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal in women. Among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."

Jack Nicholson: "I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman."

Michael Douglas: "The one thing that men and women have in common - they both like the company of men."

Paris Hilton: "Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything." (Somebody had to have written this for her. - Bull)

Sara Jessica Parker: "Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it."

Robert De Niro: "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. "

Sacha Guitry: "When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."

Tallulah Bankhead: "Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time."

Mae West: "A hard man is good to find!"

Mae West: "How tall are you big boy? ... Six foot nine inches! ... Let's go up to my place and talk about the nine inches!"

It just goes to show you, bawdy humor has been around, and quite popular, for a long time. - Bull W.

[sandgirl]

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

[Bull Winkus]

A Texan in Vegas...


A Texas cowboy, visiting Las Vegas for the first time, was out walking, when he came upon a beautiful mansion located in a very nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realizes there is a couple making love on the lawn. Then he notices another couple behind a tree. Then another under some bushes next to the mansion.

He walks up to the front door and knocks. Soon, a well dressed women answers the door.

The Texas cowboy asks, "Ma'm, what kind of a place is this?"

"This here is a brothel," she smiles.

The Texan scratches his head as he looks about, and asks, "Well, how come everyone is out on the lawn?"

"Well, you see," the Madam answers, "every Saturday we have a yard sale."

[Bull Winkus]

A whale of a story...


Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean. Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father. Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"

When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this. So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors were floating in the ocean. The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still alive! But wait. I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp 'em all down!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at her man and said, "Oh no... I can agree to the blow job but I'm NOT going to swallow the seamen."

[Bull Winkus]

An order to go...


An attorney was having an affair with his secretary. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the secretary a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write spaghetti on the back. I'll take care of the child's expenses."

Not knowing what else to do, the secretary took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the attorney's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The attorney said, "Just wait until I get home, and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the attorney came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.

Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without."

[sandgirl]

A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.

Wife: 'What are you doing dear?'
Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'

Wife: 'How do you know which gender they were?'
Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone'

[Bull Winkus]

What's black and screws on the walls?

wait for it

wait for it

wait for it

Flies!

[Bull Winkus]

A Slight Dalliance...


A very elderly French couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed sadly: "Yes. Yes, he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected.

With a tear in his eye the husband asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she admits: "You."