Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Arkansas
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 05-22-2010, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
3,364 posts, read 9,983,087 times
Reputation: 1947

Advertisements

Holy Prostitutes

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.....'

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-23-2010, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
763 posts, read 2,654,150 times
Reputation: 693
A CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans die and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start and is asking for help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community is sending food and money.



The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million Mexicans to replace the dead ones.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2010, 10:34 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,099,452 times
Reputation: 55549
so the rental car corp wanted to know the cause of all the fatal crashes.
took the clue from airlines and installed black boxes in all cars.
1st data came in from new jersey
majority of cases last words were oh s.................
2nd data came in from texas
majority of cases last words were - here, hold my beer, watch this!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2010, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
763 posts, read 2,654,150 times
Reputation: 693
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the village idiot.

"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen." said the FBI man. "How in the world do you do it?"

"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2010, 08:47 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,290 posts, read 87,099,452 times
Reputation: 55549
2 construction workers open their lunch boxes on the bench
oh no peanut butter again
why dont you ask your wife to make you something else?
oh, i make them myself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-25-2010, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
763 posts, read 2,654,150 times
Reputation: 693
PROOF THAT MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS

Friendship among women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she came home, she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them said that they knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning when he came home, he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.

Eight of his friends confirmed that he had indeed been there and slept over, and two of them said that he was still there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2010, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
763 posts, read 2,654,150 times
Reputation: 693
OK, so the phone rings in the middle of the night, the wife answers as the husband awakes to hear her say " how the hell would I know, it's 200 miles away"
she hangs up and he asks her, who was that? She says- I don't know, it was some woman asking if the coast was clear
She went back to sleep, he did not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2010, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
763 posts, read 2,654,150 times
Reputation: 693
A ventriloquist was doing his act on stage in Vegas and kept making fun of blondes in his dialogue with the dummy. After about 10 minutes a blonde in the back of the theater stands up and yells down to him, "You know, I'm sick and tired of you making fun of blondes. People like you and your act are the very reason that we are all stereotyped as stupid bimbo's." The ventriloquist is taken back by this and in a quiet voice replies, "Ma'm...I'm really sorry I offended you. I have plenty of material to work with so I'll try and refrain from the blond jokes in the future". The blonde became really upset at this point and shouted back, "You stay out of this....I was talking to that loud mouth twerp sitting on your knee".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2010, 12:59 PM
 
9,732 posts, read 4,045,847 times
Reputation: 10810
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

The waiter then asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

"Nah," I replied, "she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-31-2010, 01:04 PM
 
9,732 posts, read 4,045,847 times
Reputation: 10810
Jim was telling a friend that he had been fired from his factory job.

"Why did the foreman fire you?" asked the friend.

"Oh," said Jim, "you know what foremen are like. They stand around with their hands in their pockets all day, watching other people do the work."

"We all know that," replied the friend, "but why did he let you go?"

"Jealousy," said Jim. "All the other workers thought I was the foreman."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Settings
X
Data:
Loading data...
Based on 2000-2020 data
Loading data...

123
Hide US histogram


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Arkansas
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top