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Old 08-08-2013, 06:39 AM
 
3 posts, read 2,683 times
Reputation: 10

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Q: What do you do when an Antartian throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
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Old 08-08-2013, 06:41 AM
 
3 posts, read 2,683 times
Reputation: 10
PS I am not the same person as Free'sWarning!
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Middle Tennessee
183,905 posts, read 74,980,809 times
Reputation: 128851
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent which is being
renovated, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must
not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this
for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off
their habits, and begin to paint in the nude. In the middle of the project,
there comes a knock at the door. Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind
man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at
each other, shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man
into the room. They open the door. "Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you
want these blinds hung?"
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Old 08-09-2013, 12:16 PM
 
1 posts, read 855 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freeze Warning View Post
PS I am not the same person as Free'sWarning!
Don't lie to yourself
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Old 08-13-2013, 11:57 AM
 
2,505 posts, read 2,420,873 times
Reputation: 1391
I stumbled across this thread and it's so funny. Thank you for the mid day pick me up.
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Old 08-13-2013, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Middle Tennessee
183,905 posts, read 74,980,809 times
Reputation: 128851
I saw one in a men's room posted eye level above a urinal. "Don't look down buddy, the jokes in your hand".
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Old 11-20-2013, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
3,354 posts, read 8,666,083 times
Reputation: 1929
HOW TO PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyse the situation:

a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting
Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in
Planning
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in
Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking
for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic
Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been
moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management

Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way
that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Government
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Old 02-03-2014, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
3,354 posts, read 8,666,083 times
Reputation: 1929
A wife comes home late one night, arriving early from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her
bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Hi, Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay
in our bedroom."
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