[sandgirl]

As a salesman, Joe was searching for a certain company in unfamiliar territory.

He came to a likely looking road marked with a small red sign reading: Industrial Center.

Not certain that this was the right road, he drove back to the gas station to inquire.

The attendant took his arm and pointed to the sign that he had just read, now barely discernible in the distance.

"See that little sign about three blocks away?" he asked.

"You mean the red one that says Industrial Center?" Joe asked.

"Man!" he exclaimed. "You've got eyes of an eagle!"

[Rainbow Island]

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever'). (8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU! (9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[Suncoast Guy]

[SIZE=6]Subject: I Love the P.S.!![/SIZE]


To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the

small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too

much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway , I

accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when

it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will

forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again .

Your loving wife.
XXX


P.S. Your girlfriend called.

[Rainbow Island]

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk." "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesnt even know that I am going to shoot him!" "

[Rainbow Island]

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.

He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, and three children - John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

[Rainbow Island]

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Sarah Palin" in the subject line, do not open it. It might contain a virus.

If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton" in the subject line, do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.

[stacieberry]

Originally Posted by Rainbow Island

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk." "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesnt even know that I am going to shoot him!" "

LOL love this one!

[Rainbow Island]

The little boy(who had been looking out the window of the airplane)turned to his mother and asked"If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why dont big airplanes have baby airplanes?" The mother(who couldnt think of an answer)told her son to ask the flight attendant, so the boy walked down the aisle and asked the flight attendant.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said,"I saw you talking to your mommy, did she tell you to ask me?"

The boy said"yes she did"

"Well, then, you tell your mommy,the reason there isnt any baby planes, is because Southwest always pulls out in time! Have your mom explain that to you"

[Rainbow Island]

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired.

At her next check up, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the
medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he
realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. 'Mrs. Smith, do
you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?'

'Yes, they help me sleep at night.'
'Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that
could possibly help you sleep!'
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.
'Yes, dear, I know that, but every morning, I grind one up and mix it in
the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks...
And believe me, it helps me sleep at night.'
You gotta like Grandmas

[Rainbow Island]

Broke back deer camp

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you?'

He said, 'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.'

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, 'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!'

He said, 'Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night.'

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to br eakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. 'Good morning,' he said. The other two couldn't believe it! He looked rested and wide awake.

They asked, 'Man, what happened?'

He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night...Daryl sat up and watched me all night.