[Rainbow Island]

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an
airplane. He turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights
go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it
slowly and said to the Obama, 'What would you like to talk
about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the Obama.
'How about what changes I
should make to America ?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be
an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little
pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces
clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you
really feel qualified to change America when you don't know crap?

[Bull Winkus]

Troubleshooting With Microsoft...


One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was completely blown off!

The Microsoft tech, shaking his hand in agony, yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"

[Bull Winkus]

Money Well Spent...


A man was in a terrible car accident, and his manhood was mangled and literally torn from his body (Ouch!). He was quickly rushed to the hospital...

Doctor Schwartz assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood and even better than before! "But," the doctor said, "the insurance companies don't cover the surgery, since it is considered cosmetic. You'll have to pay for it out of your own pocket."

Doctor Schwartz explained that the cost would be $3,500.00 for the small version, $6,500.00 for the medium, and $14,000.00 for the "whopper."

The man said that he was positive that he wanted the largest penis.

Doctor Schwartz strongly urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision, since she also should be asked about what actually would give her the most pleasure.

As the doctor left the room, the man quickly called his wife on the phone and explained all their options.

A little while later Doctor Schwartz returned to his patient's room, and found the man looking quite dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the Doctor.

The man somberly answered, "She decided that she'd rather use all of the money to remodel the kitchen!"

[Rainbow Island]

Confusius say,"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

Confusius say: "man who run behind car get exhausted"..."man who run in front of car get tired"





Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Three men walked in to a bar. You think one of them would have seen it!

If a man is in the forest, talking to himself, with no woman around is he still wrong?

There are only two rings in marriage, “the wedding ring" and "the suffering

There are three ways a man wears his hair - parted- unparted or departed

[Bull Winkus]

Raisin Bread...

Two elderly men had become fond of spending their mornings with each other at the town's square. Each day, the sunrise would find them feeding the pidgeons and people watching. Every work day, after the general store across the street would open, they'd amble over to visit the shapely young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts.

By the time this had been going on for several days, one of the men had discovered that if he would purchase something off of the top shelf, he'd get a peek up her dress while she retrieved it. The other fellow quickly picked up on that and would follow suit.

So, one day the two entered the store and the lead gentleman started scanning the top shelf right away for something to buy.

"I think I'd like to have some of that rasin bread." He told the comely young clerk.

So, she got here stool and obligingly climbed up to retrieve the bread. As she reached for it, she remembered that usually whatever the first gentleman wanted, the second was going to want as well, so looking over her shoulder she asked, "Is your's rasin too?"

"No," he said, eyeing her form with interest, "but it's twitchin' a mite."

[Rainbow Island]

A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and
asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees.

He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperm and eggs etc.
He tells her about puberty, menstruation, men and women and love...
He thinks what the hell, and tells her the works, thinking that to tell it all
is the only way to tell truth.
The girl is somewhat awe struck with this sudden influx of bizarre new
knowledge, and her father finally asks, "So why did you wish to know about sex?"

"Oh, mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

[Bull Winkus]

Hunt 'n Pecker...


A husband and wife had agreed to use certain code phrases, around the children, to communicate with each other concerning matters of a sexual nature. It worked out so well that soon they were even using the tykes as messengers.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."

The child ran to tell her mom what her dad had said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back and told her father the bad news.

Several days went by before the mom told the daughter, "Go tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

When the child came back to her mother and gave the father's response she said, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

[Rainbow Island]

A pregnant woman is involved in a car accident and
falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes
up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the
doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your Uncle came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle... he's an nutcase!"

She asks the doctor,” Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew."

[Bull Winkus]

Subject to Interpretation...

It came time for an elderly man in a wheelchair to be placed in a nursing home. He was a little morose over the circumstances, not knowing what to expect, so for the first few days he stayed in his room, even taking his meals there.

Getting tired of staring at the four walls, he finally decided to venture out.

A little old lady was going up and down the halls flipping the hem of her nightgown up and down saying, "Supersex! Heh, heh, heh. Supersex!"

Soon she saw him and walked right up to him, flipped the nightgown up and said, "Supersex!"

He sat there, looking at her silently in disbelief, and didn't say a word.

So, she flipped the gown again and said, "Supersex!"

Finally, after a moment of silence, he looked up at her and answered, "I believe I'll take the soup."

[Bull Winkus]

Surfs Up...


Two elderly ladies, Sophie and Sadie were visiting each other at the latter woman's Miami beachfront condominium.

Sadie asks, "So, what are you doing for excitement these days?"

Sophie replies, "Oh, I watch the soap operas and the talk shows on TV. There's nothing else. How about you? What do you do for excitement?"

Sadie answers with a sigh, "Oh what can one do these days? ... Not much... Once in a while I suck on a LifeSaver."

Sophie says, "My, my, my! Aren't you lucky to live so close to the beach!"