[Rainbow Island]

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started
losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went
to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate
surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that
she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her
work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her
work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's
office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall,
and asked the doctor, ''What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly
painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?''

''Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.''

[Rainbow Island]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her
parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner,
she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to
the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an
hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the
register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a
3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parent’s house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on
in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A
minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10
minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with
his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had
no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist!"

[Rainbow Island]

Run Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck by lightning on the same
day. All three find themselves in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They
start begging him to give them another chance at life. St. Peter agrees but on
one condition — they each have to give up something they truly enjoy.

Run Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up screwing around with
them."

Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the
money I have."

Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza."

Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street
feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a Pizzeria. He smells the aroma and
can't help himself — he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He
disappears.

Run Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't
happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a
shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company
and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and
POOF! Run Paul disappears.

[Rainbow Island]

This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, "Where are you going?"

He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he
said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He said, "Why?"

She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm
going to get a tetanus shot."

[Rainbow Island]

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.
When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess.
The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me."

So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat cheated.

The husband says, "I can deal with that."

He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! You are small, but I love you
anyway."

The husband says, "I have something to confess also."

She says, "No matter what I will still love you."

He says, "Okay. I am built like a baby down there."

She says, "I can deal with that."

So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she
finally gets up.

She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"

He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 18 inches."

[Rainbow Island]

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very
concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.
As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening
all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this
had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door
holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the
young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door
and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flow. We're going to the
show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their
way.

The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty,
we're going to get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay
too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started
off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

[Rainbow Island]

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the
best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then
they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song
came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke
out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.

''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride
between the legs.''

''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.

''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''broke three of my fingers.''

[Rainbow Island]

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one
day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly
turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three
days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title
the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is
an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more
severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again.
So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from
another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

[Rainbow Island]

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his
church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks
and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the final
couple was newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired
couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough
for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was
fine until she dropped the can of paint.
''Can of PAINT!'' exclaimed the minister. ''Yeah,'' said the newlywed man.
''She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her
right there and then. Lust took over.'' The minister just shook his head and
said that they were not welcome in the church.
''That's okay,'' said the man. ''We're no longer welcome in Home Depot either.''

[Bull Winkus]

The 4-Star Restaurant...


A man went to a busy restaurant and sat down at the only empty table. As he did so, he accidentally knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. The waiter immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on the table.

The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, "Do all the waiters carry a spoon in their pockets?"

The waiter answered, "We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tables. By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the kitchen and can be much more efficient."

Later, as the customer asked for his bill he remarked to the waiter, "Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much time washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to our penises."

The customer looked confused. "How does that help?" he asked.

"Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the string. Since I never touched myself I don't need to wash my hands."

The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get your penis back in your pants?"

The waiter smiled, "I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."