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Old 03-15-2009, 02:07 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,340,678 times
Reputation: 691

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I guess I'll take another turn.


A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our 20 glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The redneck, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out his 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says,
'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
' God Bless America
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:16 PM
 
9,727 posts, read 3,444,235 times
Reputation: 10761
There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old hillbilly in overalls was sitting on the porch.

"Exuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?", the tourist asked. The old hillbilly replied, "Nope." So the tourist stepped out of his car.

The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old hillbilly replied, "Ain't my dog."
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,340,678 times
Reputation: 691
Did he look like these ????????????

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Old 03-15-2009, 02:26 PM
 
Location: In The Outland
6,023 posts, read 11,496,890 times
Reputation: 3535
They may be dogs but they bear a frightening resemblance to my relatives.
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,340,678 times
Reputation: 691
You not talking about these guys are you ?


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Old 03-15-2009, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,340,678 times
Reputation: 691
How about a hillbilly houseboat???


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Old 03-15-2009, 03:51 PM
 
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
929 posts, read 2,340,678 times
Reputation: 691
Got to love the Marines.


>> The
>> Aisle Seat
>> Two
>> radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London
>> One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the
>> middle seat. Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in
>> the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes
>> off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in
>> the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a Coke.'
>>
>> 'Don't
>> get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get
>> it for you.'
>>
>> As soon as he left, one of the Arabs
>> picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it. When the Marine
>> returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks
>> good, I'd really like one, too.'
>>
>> Again,
>> the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone,
>> the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in
>> it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed
>> the flight.
>>
>> As the plane was landing, the Marine
>> slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what
>> had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors...
>> 'Why
>> does it have to be this way? How long must this go on? This
>> fighting between our nations? This hatred? This
>> animosity? This
>> spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?'
>>
>> THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE
>> MARINES.
>>
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Old 03-15-2009, 03:54 PM
 
7 posts, read 49,829 times
Reputation: 21
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
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Old 03-15-2009, 03:56 PM
 
7 posts, read 49,829 times
Reputation: 21
A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife, but she motions to him from the window like she can't hear. So he points to his eye, hits his knee, and then makes raking motions. ("I need the rake.") She replies by pointing to her eye , grabbing her left breast, slaps her ass, then rubs her crotch. The man is confused and runs upstairs.

"What? What was that?"

"Eye, left tit, behind, the bush."
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Old 03-15-2009, 03:57 PM
 
7 posts, read 49,829 times
Reputation: 21
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.
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