[Rainbow Island]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has
to be taken for the rest of my life?""
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

[Rainbow Island]

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at "Lovers Cove" where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
"NO!" yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
"NO!" the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
"Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?" asked the guy.
"For the last time, NO!" said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde looked at him and said, "Because I wanna stay up here with you."

[Rainbow Island]

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
'Two Prostitutes -- $50.00.'
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: 'JESUS SAVES.'
One of the girls asked the officer, 'How come you don't stop them?!'
'Well, that's a little different,' the officer smiled . ..'Their sign pertains to religion.'
The following day the same police officer noticed the same two 'ho's driving around with a large sign on their car.
He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign: 'Two Fallen AngelsSeeking Peter -- $50.

[xrouteman]

Two gentlemen are in line at the unemployment office. The examiner calls up the first man, asks him what job he has lost and recieves the reply " I was a diesel fitter ". The examiner replied that he was entitled to a benefit of $400 a week.
The next applicant is called forward, asked his occupation, and replies " I was a crotch sewer ", to which the examiner replied " you are entitled to a benefit of $200 a week ".
" Wait a minute", he says, " the last man through got $400, how come I'm only getting $200? " The examiner explains that the other gentleman works in a field with machinery and is a skilled worker.
" No he isn't " says the second man, " we worked on the production line in the panty-hose factory side by side. I took the two legs of the panty-hose and sewed them together. He took them next, pulled them over his head and said 'deez'l fit her, deez'l fit her, deez'l fit her, deez'l fit her, deez'l fit her........' ".

[Suncoast Guy]

A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be. A man in the waiting room who had been watching her said in amazement; "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?"
The old lady replied, "He gave me a longer cane!"

[alicejb]

Billing A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

[Suncoast Guy]

Q: Did you hear about the cannibals that attended the wedding?

A: They toasted the bride and groom.

[Suncoast Guy]

A hesitant driver, waiting for a traffic jam to clear, came to a

complete stop on the freeway ramp. The traffic thinned, but the driver

still waited.

Finally a furious voice from the vehicle behind him cried, "The sign

says 'Yield', not "give up!"

[Suncoast Guy]

"Is there anything wrong?" asked bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring grimly into his drink. "Two months ago my grandfather died and left me one- hundred thousand dollars" said the man. "That doesn't sound like anything to be upset about," said the bartender. "It should happen to me." "Yeah," said the sour young man, "but last month an uncle on my father's side passed away. He left me ninety-five thousand dollars." "So why are you sitting here looking so unhappy?" Asked the bartender. "This month - so far - not a cent."

[Suncoast Guy]

Bubba and Billy were driving down the road while drinking beer when they spotted a roadblock ahead. "We're gonna get busted," whimpered Billy. "Don't worry," said Bubba. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads and then toss the bottles under the seat. Just let me do the talking." They downed the beer, threw the empties out of sight and put the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the police officer asked, "You boys been drinking?" "No, sir," said Bubba, pointing at the labels. "Me and Billy are on the patch."