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11-08-2009, 06:21 AM
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Sarasota/Bradenton, FL Expert Since 1997
Status:
"JESUS is the reason for the season!"
(set 18 hours ago)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Florida- SRQ
20,367 posts, read 1,446,235 times
Reputation: 11660
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Q. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
A. It's pasture bed time (past your)
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11-11-2009, 09:25 AM
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Sarasota/Bradenton, FL Expert Since 1997
Status:
"JESUS is the reason for the season!"
(set 18 hours ago)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Florida- SRQ
20,367 posts, read 1,446,235 times
Reputation: 11660
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Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny
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11-11-2009, 09:26 AM
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Sarasota/Bradenton, FL Expert Since 1997
Status:
"JESUS is the reason for the season!"
(set 18 hours ago)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Florida- SRQ
20,367 posts, read 1,446,235 times
Reputation: 11660
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A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again.
This is repeated a dozen times before the bartender asks him what he is doing.
He replies, "In my pocket I have a picture of my wife. When she gets good looking, I quit drinking..."
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11-11-2009, 09:27 AM
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Sarasota/Bradenton, FL Expert Since 1997
Status:
"JESUS is the reason for the season!"
(set 18 hours ago)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Florida- SRQ
20,367 posts, read 1,446,235 times
Reputation: 11660
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A young man just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver. The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; can I take your order sir? The truck driver replied, sure kid I want three flat tires and two headlights. The young man was very puzzled and said, I beg your pardon? The truck driver said again, look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights. The young man was still puzzled, but replied; yes sir, whatever. The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook. He told him about the truck driver's order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, "I think he's in the wrong place." The head cook said, I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him. The cook said to the waiter here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this. The truck driver said, Listen kid, I didn't order this; I said I wanted three flat tires and two headlights. The waiter replied, Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!
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11-11-2009, 07:20 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
755 posts, read 412,948 times
Reputation: 330
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We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
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11-11-2009, 07:21 PM
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ichigo ichie 1 time 1 meeting unprecedented
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: southern california
27,040 posts, read 10,466,089 times
Reputation: 17372
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what is the difference between a codependent and a pit bull?
a pit bull knows when to let go.
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11-11-2009, 07:21 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Haynesville, La.-Pangburn, Ar.
755 posts, read 412,948 times
Reputation: 330
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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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11-11-2009, 09:27 PM
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leaving footprints
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Arkansas
5,916 posts, read 689,604 times
Reputation: 5166
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A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?"
The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."
"Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now.
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11-11-2009, 09:28 PM
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leaving footprints
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Arkansas
5,916 posts, read 689,604 times
Reputation: 5166
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A high-powered executive was speeding down the street, talking on his cellphone. The police soon pulled him over. The executive completed his call and looked up at the officer. "Yes?" he said.
"I bet you don't even know why I stopped you, " the officer replied.
Said the executive, "You want to use my phone?"
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11-11-2009, 09:29 PM
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leaving footprints
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Arkansas
5,916 posts, read 689,604 times
Reputation: 5166
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An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person.
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