[sandgirl]

VISITOR - "Do you like playing the trombone, dear?"

CHILD - "Oh, no, I hate it, really, but Mommy makes me do it when she wants people to go."

[sandgirl]

A policeman was checking up about a robbery in a home. The policeman asked the lady of the house, "This is the messiest room I ever saw. You should have reported the robbery right away." The woman said, "I didn't know it was a robbery. I thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt!"

[sandgirl]

SLOW DAY IN TEXAS

It's a slow day in a little East Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.....

On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.

[joe530]

2 Drunks in a bar

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply. The first man then asks: Where are you from? I'm from Ireland, replies the second man. The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland. Of Course, replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from? Dublin, comes the reply. I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin. Of course, replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to? Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62. This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too! About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender. Nothing much, replies the bartender. The O'Malley twins are drunk again.

[Rainbow Island]

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

[Rainbow Island]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

[Rainbow Island]

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

[joe530]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

[joe530]

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

[Rainbow Island]

It's sad how couples are torn apart by simple things, like a pack of wild dogs.