[Rainbow Island]

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

[Rainbow Island]

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

[Dr. Foosball]

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramen to

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

[sandgirl]

"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.

The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

"The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

[sandgirl]

After hearing a description of an automobile's problems, the mechanic said, "Offhand, I'd say it's going to cost you plenty. Of course, that's only an estimate."

[sandgirl]

RICHARD: Is this a good lake for fish?

FISHIN PHIL: It must be terrific. I can't get any of them to come out.

[Rainbow Island]

On a bitterly cold winter's day several years ago in northern British Columbia, an RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside. "What's the matter?" asked the policeman.

"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.

"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."

"Can't."

"OK, Watch me and I will show you."

The constable lubricated the carburetor, as promised.

The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.

A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider.



It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded ...."

[sandgirl]

A male charity collector knocked on a woman's front door and asked her if she had any old beer bottles.

She was highly indignant. "Do I look as if I drink beer?" she snapped.

The collector looked at her and said: "Okay, have you got any vinegar bottles?"

[sandgirl]

An old gentleman was driving on the motorway at his usual speed, which was far too slow. A police officer pulled him over and said, "I guess you know why I stopped you sir?"

"Sure I do," the old gentleman replied, "I was the only one you could catch!"

[sandgirl]

A woman was going to Italy on a ten-day business trip. Before leaving, she asked her husband it there was a present he wanted her to bring back.

"How about an Italian girl?" he laughed. The suggestion was met with stony silence. Ten days later, she returned home and he asked her whether she'd had a good trip.

"Yes, it was surprisingly enjoyable," she replied.

"And where's my present?" he smiled.

"What present?"

"The one I asked for, an Italian girl."

"Oh that! I did what I could; now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."