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Old 09-08-2012, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Zebulon, NC
2,275 posts, read 5,668,341 times
Reputation: 3593

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Do you know and love this woman, and can't imagine living without her in your life? Or are you pursuing marriage because she's willing and female?

It just seems so sad and soulless to marry someone just because they're female, "steady" (whatever that means) and available. Wouldn't you rather spend your life with someone who loves you and wants to be with you because they like who you are as a person, and not simply because you're an American?

Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who only wants me for my citizenship. I think if you do this, you're cheating yourself out of the opportunity to meet someone who's the right person for you and with whom you can have a wonderful relationship.

 
Old 09-08-2012, 07:56 PM
 
4,454 posts, read 5,739,941 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire_F View Post
Do you know and love this woman, and can't imagine living without her in your life? Or are you pursuing marriage because she's willing and female?

It just seems so sad and soulless to marry someone just because they're female, "steady" (whatever that means) and available. Wouldn't you rather spend your life with someone who loves you and wants to be with you because they like who you are as a person, and not simply because you're an American?

Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who only wants me for my citizenship. I think if you do this, you're cheating yourself out of the opportunity to meet someone who's the right person for you and with whom you can have a wonderful relationship.
That is the same for me. Anyway if I am to fall for a woman that is from overseas I would only seriously consider marrying her if she was to come to my country within a year and she would come here through her own finances.

But each person is different. Anyway to the OP, I wish you best of luck with it and I love you to keep us up to date on what is happening.
 
Old 09-08-2012, 08:00 PM
 
Location: City of Angels
2,935 posts, read 4,763,635 times
Reputation: 2236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf View Post
I know what you mean about playing the field but I've been doing that for a long time and honestly I'm getting a little tired of it. I just want to have a steady wife or at least steady girlfriend to do stuff with. I'm just trying to think of what kind of ways that I can "vett" this girl to know if she's mostly genuine other than the obvious reasons.
based on this post, i would recommend that you do not go to the philippines and that you immediately seize contact with this woman. you are not in the right state of mind, and you are on a course to make decisions you will later regret. rushing into a marriage with someone you have never even met is never a good idea. and while you might be tired of playing the field where you come from, i can assure you it is a completely different experience in the philippines.

one question: where do you live?
 
Old 09-08-2012, 08:03 PM
 
35,109 posts, read 40,193,301 times
Reputation: 62049
The best way to play it safe is to not go but you are an adult and if you choose to go, good luck. Just don't be surprised when it all falls into the sewer and that prenuptial agreement you had her sign is null and void because she "did not understand the English Language and did not know exactly what she was signing".

Anyway, bon voyage, have a great trip, be careful and good luck.
 
Old 09-08-2012, 08:04 PM
 
440 posts, read 1,322,552 times
Reputation: 321
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire_F View Post
Do you know and love this woman, and can't imagine living without her in your life? Or are you pursuing marriage because she's willing and female?

It just seems so sad and soulless to marry someone just because they're female, "steady" (whatever that means) and available. Wouldn't you rather spend your life with someone who loves you and wants to be with you because they like who you are as a person, and not simply because you're an American?

Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who only wants me for my citizenship. I think if you do this, you're cheating yourself out of the opportunity to meet someone who's the right person for you and with whom you can have a wonderful relationship.

No I don't love her yet but that doesn't mean we can't eventually fall in love. I'm not pursuing marriage per say I'm pursuing a relationship and it's just the way the immigration laws are setup they make it so you have to get married in order to be together in the US.

As far as waiting to find an American women, I've tried and I'm tired of looking. Many American women don't really genuinely love there husbands anyways. As soon as a guy gets laid off from his job many of them file for divorce. American women seem very disloyal these days hence the high divorce rate in the US.

As far as her marring me for citizenship, I'm aware that's a real possibility but once married she's free to divorce me if she wants to and that's my way of testing her intentions. If she wants a divorce that's fine, it means she never like me in the first place and if she sticks around well, then I can say she might actually like me for who I am.
 
Old 09-08-2012, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Zebulon, NC
2,275 posts, read 5,668,341 times
Reputation: 3593
That's a pretty sad outlook, and your attitude towards American women is very offensive. If this is your attitude, it's no wonder things haven't worked out for you here.
 
Old 09-08-2012, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Florida & Cebu, Philippines
2,808 posts, read 2,435,190 times
Reputation: 2872
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf View Post
Okay, I just skimmed through it for a bit and it says that once completing the visa she can live with me for 90 days and at that point we must get married.

This sounds good to me, because 90 days should give me enough time to see what she's really like. So I'm thinking if I don't feel right about her after 90 days then I can cancel marriage plans and send her back. Does that sound about right?
The fiancee visa allows a Filipina to stay in the US 90 days and they must become married within that time. My advice would be to be almost positive you wish to marry the lady before bringing her back because she is not like buying something you will return, she has feelings and she and her family may be shamed terribly if you were to send her back and that could quite possibly ruin her life.

If you read what I posted originally, I said go there and stay there for a year but if you cannot swing that then at least go for a couple of months and spend a lot of time with her and get to know her and then decide if you wish to marry her but remember she is a person and not an object to be played with and tossed aside.
 
Old 09-08-2012, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Florida & Cebu, Philippines
2,808 posts, read 2,435,190 times
Reputation: 2872
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf View Post
Lot's of good info but I'm a little confused. So if I understand correctly the easiest way would for me to bring my docs over there, marry over there and then I can bring her back? Otherwise have her apply for a marriage visa and wait 6 months to a year and then she can come over here and we can marry here?

I'm a little confused on the proving 125% poverty level thing, my income or hers? I appreciate the help. Oh and I forgot to mention she's 27 and I'm pretty sure she has a job, so it's looking pretty good.
If you click on the links I provided in my posts, it will list the poverty level in the states you live in if in the US. If you are in another country then you would have to abide by their rules. I guess I sort of assumed you were in the US for some reason. The poverty level is the income level in the US considered to be the poverty line then times 125% which would be the minimum a family of whatever number would have to have in income. If it will be just you and her then the poverty level for two.

If you are in the US and go meet her and then come back to the US or stay in the Philippines and apply for a visa there, then it will take between 6 months and a year to get approved with the spousal visa usually taking the longest.

27 is a great age IMO and you really should know more about her before thinking of marrying her since you are not even sure if she is working or what type of job she may be working at. There are many bar girls in the Philippines and another term they use for that is guest relations officer or GRO. A GRO may be a legit worker if at a real hotel or they may be a bargirl if at a sleazy place, depending on where they work.

If she has ever asked for money then IMO look for another. Do not send money to anyone you have not meet, but it would be okay to send small amounts to help someone communicate with you. Internet cafes there charge about p20 per hour and right now there is p42 in a dollar. If she has internet in her home then find out how she was able to afford a computer and internet. What does her parents do for a living. How many brothers and sisters does she have and what jobs do they do or are they in school.

If you marry a Filipina then family is everything to most, so expect to help out her family or that she will want to work to help out her family.

Oh and when a woman in the Philippines says she has had a boyfriend before, they often mean they have had sex with him. Suitor is a common term for someone who wishes to date them.

In Davao the language is Bisaya and not Tagalog but the main language of the Philippines is Filipino/Tagalog so everyone who goes to school learns both English and Filipino and the people of the Mindanao grow up with Bisaya also known as Visayan.

Dating a person from another culture is loaded with pitfalls but IMO it was all worth it for me.
 
Old 09-08-2012, 08:53 PM
 
440 posts, read 1,322,552 times
Reputation: 321
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire_F View Post
That's a pretty sad outlook, and your attitude towards American women is very offensive. If this is your attitude, it's no wonder things haven't worked out for you here.

Actually I think my view on most younger American women is pretty accurate and I think many men would agree. I'm a nice guy who's decent looking with a stable job most American women won't give me the time of day. And the several that I've dated over the years all had major attitude problems or they just want to play games. It's no coincidence that in my apartment complex there's two units next to me with 8 residents including myself, 7 guys and 1 girl. All 7 guys are single without girlfriends and the one girl has a new boyfriend every month.

These guys have all been single for years and I know that they want a wife/girlfriend but all the American women are too picky and entitled. Hell I should encourage my neighbors to do the same.
 
Old 09-08-2012, 10:35 PM
 
Location: Macao
15,943 posts, read 36,139,074 times
Reputation: 9478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf View Post
Okay, I just skimmed through it for a bit and it says that once completing the visa she can live with me for 90 days and at that point we must get married.

This sounds good to me, because 90 days should give me enough time to see what she's really like. So I'm thinking if I don't feel right about her after 90 days then I can cancel marriage plans and send her back. Does that sound about right?
Sounds harsh. You're dealing with a human being. It's not like returning a shirt at K-Mart.

Much better if you just figure it all out while in the Philippines well before you even pop the question.
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