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Old 09-10-2012, 05:24 AM
 
5,239 posts, read 6,763,555 times
Reputation: 11326

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This has become a different thread over the course of a few pages. OP, how long have you been talking to this girl? What do you know about her? How old is she? I also wondered where you met her? I don't recall your mentioning any of that.

I also felt concerned about some of your comments. But some of the other posters covered that well. While you may not "love her" at the moment, your attitude doesn't show you have much feeling at all for her. You have a very nonchalant attitude about marriage. I have a filipina fiancee, we have had a long courtship, I know her very well and I know her family well. That is the best way to insure a successful marriage. If you just want someone steady to date, keep trying here, there are all kinds of women and not all of them are feminists that want to arm wrestle ya for the check.

It's true there are certainly filipina's talking to several guys and all saying sweet things to them, but there are many nice girls that are looking for a faithful loving husband too. Some of these girls are deceived by men as well, so it does go both ways. I would hate to see you make any promises to her you don't intend to keep. Honestly, you don't sound at all ready for marriage to me.

Last edited by todd00; 09-10-2012 at 05:35 AM..

 
Old 09-10-2012, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Florida & Cebu, Philippines
2,808 posts, read 2,438,247 times
Reputation: 2872
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
My ex-husband went specifically looking for a non-American women to meet online. He went to a webpage for Filipina women and met a woman online and they talked on Skype for awhile. Within 6 mos. they met, he took 2 trips to the Philippines and brought her home and then married her within a few months. They are very family oriented and she convinced him to help her sister come to the US, which he did. She has also wanted to go home because she misses the weather and her family, so he has had to pay for 3 trips for her to go back to the Philippines 3 times. She loves her jewelry and he has bought her some nice rings. He has spent a ton of money on this women in a pretty short period of time.
I hate to say this but a person gets out of a marriage what they put in, so it seems your ex husband did not set the ground rules and is spoiling her, so of course she may take as much as she can and then again he may be just doing it on his own.

Family is everything to most Filipinos, so it does not surprise me that she wanted to bring over her sister but there are laws which allow her to bring over her parents but not her sisters and brothers for many years, so maybe he brought the sister for a visit, but even then that is most often very hard to do unless she has a good job and a family to go back to and money in the PHL bank, another words roots to make sure she will go back.

As for the jewelry, I suspect he is giving that to her and not necessarily her asking for it. I know I have spoiled my wife but she still spends less in a year than my ex American wife spent in a month. I gave my wife credit cards to use and cash to have on hand when she first got to the states and over 18 years later she still has some of the cash and rarely if ever buys anything on a credit card unless I urge her to.

Yes there are spoiled women everywhere and there are good women everywhere but I have seen some of the men I met who are married to Philippine ladies spoil their wives so bad and then wonder why they are spoiled.

As I always tell people, make sure you know the person and work out all issues ahead of time and especially family and money issues up front.

In closing I am going to say that I suspect that your ex is so happy with his wife that he is spoiling her and to you that may seem unfair but maybe just maybe she is making him so happy in many ways that he does not mind, I know my wife makes me so much happier than any woman I have ever been with and she has metaphorically just about crawled up inside me to the point that we sort of feel like one person.

I only hope that you have also found a new partner to make you just as happy.
 
Old 09-10-2012, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Bel Air, California
21,320 posts, read 21,895,576 times
Reputation: 33486
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf View Post
....I'm tired of the attitude of the average American woman and I'm thinking about giving this a shot. The way I look at it is if we get married I'll have her sign a prenup that way I can't get taken to the cleaners. So if she divorces me that's fine as long as I don't get screwed....
isn't this the whole reason you're doing this in the first place?
 
Old 09-10-2012, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Moderate conservative for Obama.
833 posts, read 556,496 times
Reputation: 371
Why dont you just honk a donkie or something if your concerned about getting screwed. Cant have your cake not eat yer cherry. Enough with importing things, be a good patriot and stick with the homegrown stuff. Be a MAN..
 
Old 09-10-2012, 09:26 PM
 
55 posts, read 87,626 times
Reputation: 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Leaf View Post

I'm tired of the attitude of the average American woman and I'm thinking about giving this a shot. The way I look at it is if we get married I'll have her sign a prenup that way I can't get taken to the cleaners. So if she divorces me that's fine as long as I don't get screwed.
Based on reading the first page, there's a lot of good info there.
I've dated two Filipina women, one born and raised in the US and one raised in the Philippines. The difference is night and day. In general, the girls raised in the Philippines are more conservative than the girls raised here in the US.

Listen to Mr. Lee about the ARMM region, kidnapping and beheadings of foreigners is real. Believe me, you will stick out and will get a lot of stares.
I know it sounds harsh but unless you want to be a polygamist in the US or never marry in the Philippines again, DO NOT GET MARRIED IN THE PHILIPPINES. Get married in the US or elsewhere. Based on your post, you don't mind getting a divorce as long as you don't get screwed. Divorce is illegal in the Philippines. The only option is an annulment and this can take a year or years if it ever gets done and get quite expensive.
Here are some info from the web to give you an idea this is how the paperworks are handled:

Grounds for annulment – PSYCHOLOGICALLY INCAPACITATED

This is the ONLY one that works. I won’t bother explaining why. If one of you is loony then it’s unfair for the other one to be in the marriage. But there’s a catch to it. It has to be proven that the lunacy had been there even before the marriage.

Thanks to former president Aquino, lunacy was modified in the constitution:

Lunacy does not mean in medical terms only, but lunacy is also incapable of providing the basic needs for the family. If the other party has not provided financial support to your gf or has no proof of providing financial support to your gf, then it is your ground for lunacy.

It has to be UNCONTESTED

The reason why annulments drag on is that one party will file a counter affidavit. Because the Philippine Family Code’s mission is to “preserve the Filipino family”, a counter affidavit is seen as an indication that the marriage can still be saved.

Just make sure the that the other party doesn't know that you exist or the party might drag along the case.

Proof of no COLLUSION

The court will want to know that the annulment is not scripted. Others say that its best that no one will show up in court except your legal representative. Its another way to show that no one wants to know the status of the marriage.

Money talks

Hiring a legal representative is expensive enough so expect that would spend money just to process the papers. If I compared the legal annulment compared to divorce, legal annulment may not be straighforward but sure is cheaper than getting a divorce in advance countries.

PLease note that the Solicitor General may appeal the decision. This is very rare occurrence. You can only marry your gf if the decision is final and executory (that is no motion for reconsideration or appeal was filed )

As for finding a legal representative, you can google search and its best to have personally meeting the attorney. There are attorneys who would entice quick annulment but in reality there is no such case. Don't be fooled by their marketing. Also always remember that Philippines justiciary has a long list of backlog.

Typically judges look at the case based on importance and urgency. Because of that, a very good attorney who can provide convincing explanation is the key to get your annulment decision move faster.

So again, do not get married in the Philippines.

It goes both ways foreign men conning the women and the women conning the foreign men.
All I can say is watch out, while travelling with my gf on the way to Manila, I sat next to a passenger and we chatted and said he was on his way to Manila to meet the woman he met online. She was from the southern part of the Philippines. He sent her gifts and money. He gave her money to fly to Manila and reserved his accomodations in Manila. He was supposed to meet her at the airport. Well, on my way out after picking up the luggages, I saw him again waiting for the taxi and he looked like he was in shocked. Well, his story didn't sound too promising from the start and wouldn't you know it, the girl never showed up at the airport. She refused to answer her phone. I asked him what he was gonna do, he was in complete shocked and just shrugged his shoulder. I felt sorry for the guy but, he was just too gullible.
 
Old 09-10-2012, 10:52 PM
JL
 
7,352 posts, read 11,885,191 times
Reputation: 7198
I think the OP is going to be in for a rude awakening.

Last edited by JL; 09-10-2012 at 11:05 PM..
 
Old 09-11-2012, 10:53 AM
 
39 posts, read 81,432 times
Reputation: 50
OP, GET TO KNOW HER WELL.. don't rush. I'm pretty sure she'll like you since you are still young.
I must say, you'll be ok.
Goodluck!
 
Old 09-11-2012, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Bordentown, NJ
155 posts, read 244,029 times
Reputation: 136
To the OP: Please don't treat any woman like a used car that you can turn in. I am not sure if you hate all women or you just have very limited exposure to them. Judging over half the US population based on reality shows sounds like lunacy to me. Tens of millions of Americans get married in happy marriages and never divorce. It feels like you don't want a woman but rather a sex slave/domestic worker in your home. You want someone who will be grateful to you for the sheer fact that you were born white. Such thinking is dangerous to her and you. Also, I am marrying a Filipina-American woman (who was born in the US and speaks very little Tagalog) and I know the culture very well at this point and you will not be getting a completely subservient woman by any means. Their culture is a lot closer to American culture than you would think.

PS: Trying dating a woman who lives near you or at least in the same country. There are many outlets for people who have low social skills to find dates. Maybe lower your standards? You accuse women of having insane standards but maybe you need to look in a mirror?
 
Old 09-11-2012, 09:43 PM
 
440 posts, read 1,323,867 times
Reputation: 321
Okay, for the record I'm not looking for a total subservient women to wait on me hand and foot. Nor do I want a sex slave or anything of that sort. . All I'm looking for is someone that is loving and treats me with respect and someone that has manners and decency, and in return I will treat her the same.

And for the record I don't base my opinion on realty television, I base my opinion on the 20-25 different women that I've dated over the last 10 years, from countless observations of other women that I've encountered in public ,the stuff that I've read in women's online dating profiles and experiences that other guys have shared with me. And for the record I'm a very observant , so I tend to notice things more than the average person.

I was talking to a girl online once that wanted to know the exact dimensions of my penis before we met, WTF! And then was a time I remember I stayed the night at my coworkers house, the next morning he left for work me and a couple of people stayed behind and hung out with his wife. We were watching tv and his wife went on and on about all the different guys she's gotten "banged" by and reminiscing on how she would have married another guy but didn't because he wasn't as rich as her current husband. I've dated women who I thought were respectable until they've told me about there experiences with 3 ways with two other guys and the women that have told me they have their junk pierced and the plenty of women at bars and clubs that proudly proclaim how all the want is to get a good bang with NSA. The list goes on and on and it's becoming more and more prevalent.

So it's not about SEX! I've looked for relationships and all most women had to offer was meaningless sex throughout the years because that's whats the in thing in pop culture today. I know it wasn't always like this, somewhere something went terribly wrong and if you wonder why well life often imitates art, every young female pop star goes super skank, Brittney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Rhianna, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj and even Miley Cyrus. And again look at the most popular shows and books ie. Sex in the City/ Desperate housewives/ Real housewives, the beast selling book in the US for women 50 shades of grey is about bondage.

So it just so happens I'm looking at a women in another culture to get away from all the raunchiness. I've worked with many Filipinos in the past and they are some of the kindest, honest people I've met and yes some of the women want material items but at least they still behave like women. So maybe some women should stop criticizing guys like me and start to evaluate why we're looking elsewhere.

Last edited by Lost Leaf; 09-11-2012 at 09:57 PM..
 
Old 09-11-2012, 10:52 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,620,281 times
Reputation: 8780
I'll be totally blunt. What will happen is that once you bring back the woman from the Philippines, Thailand or Russia, she will Americanize in no time to make up for lost time. She will overcompensate for the fact that she knows she's not American and become just as shallow and materialistic as the ones you want to avoid, trying to compete with them. And, then, you are stuck with someone with whom you don't have much in common, the expensive phone bills, listening to her funky accent, and the airfares to the Philippines to see her family, since they are very clannish.

Didn't you remember on the news where that guy from NJ met a woman in Brazil, had one child with her, and then there was a media blitz over the court drama of what country this kid would live in, despite the fact that his young mother had died from cancer? You can assume that a Brazilian woman is probably more attractive than what you'll find in the Philippines but, still, it can be a mess. DON'T do it.
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