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Old 02-21-2013, 09:04 PM
 
Location: Philippines
122 posts, read 127,812 times
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I thought it was forbidden because we asians are conservative people. Or is it because we're not that comfortable being that close to someone?

Here in the Philippines, hugging is okay.

 
Old 02-21-2013, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Macao
15,943 posts, read 36,139,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
I felt the people in Asia stared MORE than in Western countries, and for longer too. I've been to many countries including China and Taiwan. I found this the case in Taiwan and Vietnam especially. I'm Asian Australian btw.
Korea is like that. Heck, even rural Philippines is very much like that. Koreans and Chinese stare at everything, unashamedly without any feeling of repurcussions.

In the U.S., if you were to stare at a stranger, that would evoke a confrontation. That implies you want to fight, or that you don't like them for something they said or did, for some reason. If you are caught making eye contact with a stranger, you should respectfully acknowledge them, and move on.

In Asia, they can stare at you forever, without any qualms of it. The more time I lived in Korea, the more I'd do the same thing. If a Korean was doing something weird or inappropriate, I would stare at him. I could 'be a jerk' in the Western sense by starting at them, but get no flack from it whatsoever, as it was so normal in Asia.

That being said, the other poster was talking about 'job interviews' and '1-on-1' conversations among people of different social standings, etc. Yeah, eye contact is different in that sense.

But, your statement on 'STARING' in Asia being commonplace, I found that 100% so true!
 
Old 02-22-2013, 01:33 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,344,192 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiger Beer View Post
Korea is like that. Heck, even rural Philippines is very much like that. Koreans and Chinese stare at everything, unashamedly without any feeling of repurcussions.

In the U.S., if you were to stare at a stranger, that would evoke a confrontation. That implies you want to fight, or that you don't like them for something they said or did, for some reason. If you are caught making eye contact with a stranger, you should respectfully acknowledge them, and move on.

In Asia, they can stare at you forever, without any qualms of it. The more time I lived in Korea, the more I'd do the same thing. If a Korean was doing something weird or inappropriate, I would stare at him. I could 'be a jerk' in the Western sense by starting at them, but get no flack from it whatsoever, as it was so normal in Asia.

That being said, the other poster was talking about 'job interviews' and '1-on-1' conversations among people of different social standings, etc. Yeah, eye contact is different in that sense.

But, your statement on 'STARING' in Asia being commonplace, I found that 100% so true!
While Asians might be less comfortable with physical intimacy, I do sense they are more comfortable with staring, which is a form of intimacy, good or bad. Not surprisingly, I notice less staring in Singapore vs China, Vietnam, or even Taiwan. They didn't stare a great deal in Taiwan but many didn't seem shy to make eye-contact. They're probably halfway between Singapore and Vietnam/China. Thailand too somewhat similar. The Japanese I would still assume the least though.

So you don't think it's just the fact you're a Westerner? Like I said I'm not a westerner in appearance, and I'm not wearing weird clothes or look unusual in any way, yet I feel that extended eye contact is actually more an Asian thing than a Western thing. Partly because of the reason you mentioned, about it being confrontational in the West.
 
Old 02-22-2013, 01:57 AM
 
Location: Macao
15,943 posts, read 36,139,074 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
While Asians might be less comfortable with physical intimacy, I do sense they are more comfortable with staring, which is a form of intimacy, good or bad. Not surprisingly, I notice less staring in Singapore vs China, Vietnam, or even Taiwan. They didn't stare a great deal in Taiwan but many didn't seem shy to make eye-contact. They're probably halfway between Singapore and Vietnam/China. Thailand too somewhat similar. The Japanese I would still assume the least though.

So you don't think it's just the fact you're a Westerner? Like I said I'm not a westerner in appearance, and I'm not wearing weird clothes or look unusual in any way, yet I feel that extended eye contact is actually more an Asian thing than a Western thing. Partly because of the reason you mentioned, about it being confrontational in the West.
My first couple years in South Korea, I was absolutely convinced that they were only staring because I was an 'exotic-looking' westerner. In time, I realized that they stared at all kinds of stuff and people. Like if someone is doing some work, repairing a sidewalk, random people will just stand around and stare at the work being done.

Over the years, as more and more westerners pour into Korea to teach English, I've noticed significantly less 'staring at the white foreigner'. However, I married a southeast asian, and found many Koreans would regularly stare at her.

Over here in Japan, I almost never catch anyone staring at me. I don't think Japanese people ever stare at anything. They tend to have more tunnel-vision if anything, and tune everything else out around them.
 
Old 02-22-2013, 03:18 AM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,344,192 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiger Beer View Post
My first couple years in South Korea, I was absolutely convinced that they were only staring because I was an 'exotic-looking' westerner. In time, I realized that they stared at all kinds of stuff and people. Like if someone is doing some work, repairing a sidewalk, random people will just stand around and stare at the work being done.

Over the years, as more and more westerners pour into Korea to teach English, I've noticed significantly less 'staring at the white foreigner'. However, I married a southeast asian, and found many Koreans would regularly stare at her.

Over here in Japan, I almost never catch anyone staring at me. I don't think Japanese people ever stare at anything. They tend to have more tunnel-vision if anything, and tune everything else out around them.
Which country is your wife from? Could she pass for a Japanese, or does she look really Austronesian? I wonder how they're treated over there.

Yeah Japan is just so different from the rest of Asia in this regard.
 
Old 02-22-2013, 05:38 AM
 
321 posts, read 522,558 times
Reputation: 352
My parents rarely hug me, kiss me or tell me that they love me. My mother used to kiss me a lot when I was a kid but as I grew older, she kissed and hugged me less and less.

I know she loves me though, she's not a very affectionate person - her mother (my grandmother) wasn't particularly affectionate either. My mum prefers to show her love through typically Asian things by caring a LOT about my education, telling me to take medicine, wear a coat when it's cold or telling me to eat more. It's her way of saying 'I love you'. Lol.

---

I agree with the sentiments that staring seems to be really common in Asia. When I was in China, I'd frown at the people who stared at me but they continued to keep on staring. In the West, someone would be embarrassed if caught staring but that's not the case in China. I learnt to ignore it over time though.
 
Old 02-22-2013, 05:53 AM
 
Location: Macao
15,943 posts, read 36,139,074 times
Reputation: 9478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
Which country is your wife from? Could she pass for a Japanese, or does she look really Austronesian? I wonder how they're treated over there.

Yeah Japan is just so different from the rest of Asia in this regard.
She doesn't look austronesian at all. She looks typical southeast asian. Most people think she's thai or vietnamese, I say that without saying her nationality. Occassionally some Japanese assume she might understand Japanese, but they make that same assumption with me too, but I don't think they think that she's Japanese.
 
Old 02-22-2013, 01:42 PM
 
32,055 posts, read 32,950,797 times
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From my experience in China, the younger generation will hug you after they feel they have made a close connection with you.
 
Old 02-22-2013, 05:19 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,683 posts, read 45,344,192 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiger Beer View Post
She doesn't look austronesian at all. She looks typical southeast asian. Most people think she's thai or vietnamese, I say that without saying her nationality. Occassionally some Japanese assume she might understand Japanese, but they make that same assumption with me too, but I don't think they think that she's Japanese.
Any reason you won't say what country she's from? Not that that's important. But yeah, even if she looks Thai and especially Vietnamese, she could still blend in unless people took close notice. If she was a dark Malay or Indonesian or Filipino it'd be more obvious. I've noticed some Japanese actually look a bit SE themselves.
 
Old 02-22-2013, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Brisbane
3,511 posts, read 5,454,742 times
Reputation: 2824
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20 View Post
No hugging please, we’re Chinese! | Chinos & Chopsticks

I know I recently started a thread on physical affection in Asia, but I thought this article was interesting (sorry it's a bit long). My mum said her mother rarely hugged her - she was one of ten children in a working class Chinese-Singaporean family. My father said he was hugged more as a kid and interestingly found this a cultural difference. He was from Malaysia but I think his parents were a bit more Western.

Is it really true that a lot of Asian people - Chinese and especially Japanese - never and seldom hug their children/parents/siblings/cousins/friends.etc? I heard that it's changing and they're doing it a lot more. Actually South Asian society doesn't seem that touchy-feely in some ways - if anything it seems mostly Indian men who are most touchy with each other. Again, would SE Asia be a bit moreso than East Asia or not really?
I have never seen my wife hug any of her family or friends Trimac, even after years of absence she greats her mother and brothers etc, with all the outward emotion you might expect of a businessman meeting a client, minus the handshake. I am sure there is lots going on beneth the surface however.

At home it took a long time for her to get used to the fact that it is polite to greet my family with a hug or a kiss etc, it certainly caused a bit of tension between us from time to time.

Last edited by danielsa1775; 02-22-2013 at 06:15 PM..
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