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Old 05-01-2013, 05:00 PM
 
32,095 posts, read 33,002,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettafish View Post
China is way too crowded to "hold the door".
It's like New York drivers do not yield to pedestrians.
In China, the vehicle drivers have preference over pedestrians.

I agree that in China "saving face" and for a man taking care of one's elderly parents are especially important. So if one is dating a Chinese man and looking toward the future one needs to take this into consideration.
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Canada
4,699 posts, read 8,495,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite View Post
HAHAHA! Maybe that's the stage we're in. Maybe I'm just the weird one who thinks that as time goes on the man gets MORE chivalrous. lol But thanks for putting this into perspective. He's from Fuzhou
That's not my experience as a guy. I think that chivalry stuff like holding doors is a bit formal, and when you're more relaxed with a girl, it makes sense to treat them as more of an equal and not do that stuff so fastidiously, but just sometimes to be nice. I've been dating my GF for over five years, I think if I tried to hold every door we walked through open for her and pulled up every chair she sat down on like it was a first date, that would be a bit a much.
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:13 PM
 
6,726 posts, read 6,611,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite View Post
HAHAHA! Maybe that's the stage we're in. Maybe I'm just the weird one who thinks that as time goes on the man gets MORE chivalrous. lol But thanks for putting this into perspective. He's from Fuzhou
Do his family run a restaurant?
Just curious. Because most restaurant owners here are from Fuzhou.
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:20 PM
 
570 posts, read 1,505,891 times
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Han Chinese or minority Chinese? Cantonese or mandarin?

Yes, they make a different. Cantonese near Hong Kong area are very different than shanghainese
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Sunny SoCal
67 posts, read 116,368 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite View Post
I can understand the family thing actually. The bolded part kinda puts things into perspective for me so thank you for that.

In terms of being assertive/aggressive, is it part of Chinese culture to hold back someone in terms of making their desires known?
Well, let's just say being blunt may not be considered desirable in many instances. Some may call it beating around the bush, but we Chinese sometimes like to dance around with our words and make others read between the lines. Again, this sort of ties into the whole saving face concept.

Nevertheless, a lot of times it is the man's job to be proactive and ask the girl out, plan the date, and make his feelings known, albeit the last mostly done in a more subtle manner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beb0p View Post

But the funny thing is, guys in HK do hold doors, but they do it strategically - never in a crowded entrance like I did. Maybe growing up there made them instinctively smart about the right and wrong time to be gentleman like.
Perfectly describes me to the T. And I know a lot of other HK guys think the same way.
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:23 PM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,446,553 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettafish View Post
Do his family run a restaurant?
Just curious. Because most restaurant owners here are from Fuzhou.
No they dont
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:03 PM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,446,553 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hmmm_pieee View Post
Well, let's just say being blunt may not be considered desirable in many instances. Some may call it beating around the bush, but we Chinese sometimes like to dance around with our words and make others read between the lines. Again, this sort of ties into the whole saving face concept.

Nevertheless, a lot of times it is the man's job to be proactive and ask the girl out, plan the date, and make his feelings known, albeit the last mostly done in a more subtle manner.


Oh this is clearing so much up now. Thank you sooo much because I feel like I understand my sweetie better now.
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Old 05-01-2013, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Texas
843 posts, read 1,378,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite View Post
Hey everyone!
Can anyone tell me more about dating in China and what one can expect as a female?

My sweetheart (He's chinese) and I were having a conversation on the phone the other day and he asked me if he was a gentleman to which I said, "No, I don't think so " He was a little surprised, laughed, but asked why and so I told him about what I consider to be a gentleman.

Things like, holding the door open for me, paying for me, being more assertive in initiating activities, coming to the door to pick me up, etc, all of which he only does some or most of the time but not all of the time. Granted, we're both at the final stretch of college so I DON'T expect him to pay for every single thing since we're both on a very tight budget and I know that if he was currently working he'd pay for me all the time but with the other things, mostly like being more assertive, I sometimes want him to be that more.

With some of the examples, he explained to me that it had to do with Chinese culture and that in his culture he was being respectful. When he explained it to me, I kind of understood and he said he'd work on it more so that he can improve. But I love him very much and I see a future with this man so i want to understand his culture as well and decided that I wanted to learn a bit more about the dating world of China.

Well I did a few google searches and only found one link but it pertains more to dating Chinese women. What can I expect from Chinese men?
In China, men are women are more equal. So it's not uncommon for the female to initiate activities and take a proactive position, especially when the relationship is stable.
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Old 05-02-2013, 09:13 AM
 
1,765 posts, read 2,446,553 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ag77845 View Post
In China, men are women are more equal. So it's not uncommon for the female to initiate activities and take a proactive position, especially when the relationship is stable.
Well that's good. Personally, I love the fact that he's so welcoming of my feelings and desires, etc because he's like my companion as opposed to the authority figure and he seems really comfortable with that and not like he's supressing his desires to be in control. *Sigh*...warms my heart.

I think all that you guys shared here really helped me to get a better understanding of him because even though we're both American, we're both first generation Americans and so I know how the connection to one's familial culture can play a combination role in how we behave and interact with the world. So thank you.
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Old 05-02-2013, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Texas
843 posts, read 1,378,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite View Post
Well that's good. Personally, I love the fact that he's so welcoming of my feelings and desires, etc because he's like my companion as opposed to the authority figure and he seems really comfortable with that and not like he's supressing his desires to be in control. *Sigh*...warms my heart.

I think all that you guys shared here really helped me to get a better understanding of him because even though we're both American, we're both first generation Americans and so I know how the connection to one's familial culture can play a combination role in how we behave and interact with the world. So thank you.
You are welcome.

What's your cultural background? May I ask..

I guess he isn't supressing his desires, maybe he is just focusing on his study/work and he doesn't need to ask you to do a lot for him at this point. Romantic relationship is only a small part of life.
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