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Hello all,
One of my best friends has been trying to find a good woman here in the US and got discouraged. He has b been divorced 5 years, kind of a shy, homebody-type, but a good guy nonetheless. He has a app on his phone and somehow started video chatting with a women from the Philippines. Well, it has been two months of "constant" (as he says) video chatting and he is "in love". He is posting, "she is my life, my everything" with pics on FB. My friend- who has never traveled within the US really, is now going on a trip to the Philippines for two weeks, during which time he plans to ask this woman to marry him. He is convinced she is "not a scam" because she has never asked for money, but asked him to bring her a "ruby ring" when he goes over to meet her. He also said she is "still married" but says in the Philippines they get an "annulment" not a divorce". I did some research- I found her on a Denmark chatting website, with a different age (45, not 42 as my friend shared) and it states she is "married". (Although I do not know how old this profile was). My fried has issues with jealousy and I know if she has been telling other men she "loves" them he will be crushed. (She has already changed her Facebook alias to his last name as well) She has over 500 "friends" on FB and many seem to be men from other countries.
I am very worried about him- he so desperately wants to be loved he has isolated himself and is unwilling to consider this may or may not be real, not to mention he is so "in love" he has not thought about the impact of language barriers, culture shock, the impact of dating a women from a developing nation, etc.
Other than the obvious answer, "oh well, it's his life, you can't stop him", any sage advice I might share with him, maybe, from someone who has had this experience?
An older Filipina woman at 42 or 45 will be EXTREMELY HAPPY...bordering on ABSOLUTELY EXSTATIC...to get an American to marry her. She probably has been online for years and years trying to find an online relationship with a 'white person' for most of her adult life. She'll be thrilled if he proposed. Filipina women really do want 'the white prince', and 99% of the time, will be very faithful to that person, once she knows that he is indeed going to be faithful to her.
He really has nothing to worry about. It's RARE but does happen that there is some scam going on, but its the exception not the norm. Go to ANY dating type of website of any kind, and you'll literally see 100s of thousands of thousands of Filipinas all desparately hoping for some white prince (regardless of personality, obesity, ugliness, age or anything else) with the deep hope and desire that some white guy might possibly 'pick her' among the masses of profiles.
She is probably the one scared to death hoping that SHE found a decent one, it's usually not the other way around, when dealing with Filipinas.
Regarding the marriage/annulment. There is no divorce in the Philippines. Which means that many Filipinas are kind of stuck with the legal title of being married, long after they've gone their separate ways.
Wow. Who knows it can be scam. You know it's a shame that someone can get so sucked in. He thinks he's "in love", but honestly it's probably his mind. It's all in his head that she's the one, that she really cares, basically an illusion. Let me tell online dating rarely works out.
He should check all her info before he even leaves. Who is she really, what kind of marriage did she have, is she really not with the husband, and does she talk to other men in other countries. I mean she could probably be doing other men the same.
It's better for him to find out now, and get hurt now than later. Because if it's later he'll have much more defined feelings for her.
i always laugh when he hear about dumb guys doing this kind of thing. there are so many fish in the sea in the philippines. why would anyone stick with the first woman they meet online? tiger is right that your friend is prolly fine. but he would be much better off if he just started making frequent trips to the philippines and met more women.
i always laugh when he hear about dumb guys doing this kind of thing. there are so many fish in the sea in the philippines. why would anyone stick with the first woman they meet online? tiger is right that your friend is prolly fine. but he would be much better off if he just started making frequent trips to the philippines and met more women.
Yep, that's why SHE is way more luckier than HIM!
Most guys troll those sites and go on dating smorgasbordes...lining up dates one day after another for 2-3 weeks....or they just hit the bars and go crazy there the entire time...or most commonly, they do a mix of both.
SHE'S the lucky one...to find one who is completely unaware of what most foreign guys do on their Philippines trips. Once a guy becomes aware of that as being an easy possibility, any 40-something Filipina is 'game over'...in short, she won't be cheating on him, or scamming him. She is probably scared out of her mind that she might have actually found a guy who is clueless about that scene...scared that he might hit a bar or a mall, and find out how easy it is there for an old white guy.
That being said, if he does come and puts a ring on her finger, she'll be extremely happy. If he leaves the Phils without knowing what a feast he could have had, and just puts the ring on her finger, and takes her back....he'll be none the wiser, and definitely he'll be happy with a Filipina wife. They really are sweet and caring.
In short, he has nothing to lose. It's only her who might, if he finds out he can date almost any Filipina that crosses his path.
When I came to the US, most of my Filipina friends were asking if I can find them decent white American boyfriend. I think apart from the opportunity to live in the US, most Filipina find Caucasians to be extremely handsome and masculine. Also, they are excited to have kids with mixed race.
Last edited by kent_moore; 04-02-2015 at 01:26 PM..
When I came to the US, most of my Filipina friends were asking if I can find them decent white American boyfriend. I think apart from the opportunity to live in the US, most Filipina find Caucasians to be extremely handsome and masculine. Also, they are excited to have kids with mixed race.
I think there is something wrong in the education and culture of the Philippines.
It is true that many Asians have such mentalities, but it seems to me that the Philippines is an extreme. The media, the schools, and the politicians should do something to promote your national pride, including pride in your race and your own identity.
I think there is something wrong in the education and culture of the Philippines.
It is true that many Asians have such mentalities, but it seems to me that the Philippines is an extreme. The media, the schools, and the politicians should do something to promote your national pride, including pride in your race and your own identity.
Its a multiethnic society inclusive of all races joining in and believe me except for the Muslims pushing for their own national identity there is no shortage of national pride.
My son went with a friend to the Philippines and met two women. He married one of them 10 years ago. She is well educated and has worked very hard her entire life. She left home and went on contracts in other countries to have money to send home to her family, went to school to become a nurse, now works part-time even though my son's income is more than enough for their expenses. They have one child together and one from a prior relationship that she had. She is a good wife and mother.
I truly think more of these women coming in end up on the bad end of the deal and there are more than enough stories on the web to back up that thought. "Nice" guys can be good friends and not so nice husbands as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
I have known men that married women from both Japan and Korea and the relationships worked for them.
OP's friend needs to realize that a lot of people won't approve of the relationship and he'll get a lot of crap from family and friends. My son never needed the approval of anyone as I brought him up to be independent and to appreciate diversity.
My son wanted a wife that would be loyal and faithful as he travels a lot with military and he needed someone that was wise enough to handle the household and children when he was away. He found that.
I did not want my son to marry this way but as I said, I raised him to be independent. It works for him so it works for me.
Any marriage is risky anymore.
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