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Old 08-10-2016, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Macao
15,945 posts, read 36,144,182 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
So if a young woman working away from home and sending most of her income back to The Philippines wants to marry, is the new husband expected to support the family as well? What if the husband takes a job where the wife can't get as good a job? I think this custom would greatly reduce the chances of any young Filipina woman from marrying or are my Western ways showing too much?
That is definitely one of the larger cultural differences.

Filipinos believe that kids are their 'social security' in old age. Kids must take care of them financially for life. WHich is probably why so many FIlipinos have so many kids, despite most completely unable to financially support those kids. Hence the circle of poverty...

Whereas in the U.S., the general theme is to severely limit your output of kids, because of our american belief that we have to be responsible for our kids for life. If you bring them into the world, you have to guide them, help them, lead them, give them the best you can. (Whereas in the Phils, the kids have that role)...

How do Westernerns and Filipinos couples resolve this? Not very well. I think the Filipino spouse is going to do that no matter what, with or without the western spouse knowing it. Ideally the westerner hasn't married one too uneducated or too unskilled...but Filipinas are quite content with the lowliest of jobs. They don't mind working at all, but they generally don't have much ambitions to seek our professional career-like work. Most likely the spouse will take on a minimum wage American job, and send as much home as she can, while the husband uses his paycheck to pay for everything at home.

I think the westerner has to enter into a completely different mindset entirely. It isn't going to be one of those traditional American weddings where you have two equal partners, bringing in double income, and trying to get kids into good school districts and all that...
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Old 08-10-2016, 10:52 PM
 
1,446 posts, read 1,843,786 times
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if the westerner married someone with low-level education/skills, then of course, the finances will be heavily lopsided, hence the general requirement of most developed countries for their citizens to prove their capacity to support the foreigner spouse. it's the same thing as with couples from developed countries. ironically, it's the opposite between me and my western partner...
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Old 08-11-2016, 10:12 AM
 
3,339 posts, read 2,074,964 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zilam98 View Post
too bad, i don't really care for showbiz in general, whether it's philippines or elsewhere.
ok, the bottom line is, even those in the upper crust of society wants their children to marry wealth so you cant blame a family if they want "benefits". im not saying this is the majority but there are those who do

I and my spouse are not rich but we are a little bit comfortable but when I give money to my parents, they are a little bit embarrassed and always ask me if my spouse is ok with it


I do believe that the culture of trying to depend on others depends on the family. on both sides of our family, our relatives don't expect anything from us whenever we are on vacation. they only come when we give word that they have something or that we are going to have a get together


sometimes, this dependency attitude is also the fault of the ex pat or OFW. when they go home, they tend to show off, giving things here and there etc.


so if you are married to Filipino who have relatives who need help, make sure to emphasize that helping is not bad but give priority to your own family. if you have extra money or extra time to give, then that's fine but it should not be at the expense of family finances and time
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Old 08-12-2016, 04:07 AM
 
12 posts, read 8,196 times
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Most of these ofw are the bread winner. It is actually normal to most of them to provide everything for their family. I just hope that they save a percentage of it for themselves so if the time comes that they need to go back home or unable to work they have something to finance their needs or even put up a business.
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Old 08-12-2016, 12:00 PM
 
1,446 posts, read 1,843,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by payutenyodagimas View Post
ok, the bottom line is, even those in the upper crust of society wants their children to marry wealth so you cant blame a family if they want "benefits". im not saying this is the majority but there are those who do

I and my spouse are not rich but we are a little bit comfortable but when I give money to my parents, they are a little bit embarrassed and always ask me if my spouse is ok with it


I do believe that the culture of trying to depend on others depends on the family. on both sides of our family, our relatives don't expect anything from us whenever we are on vacation. they only come when we give word that they have something or that we are going to have a get together


sometimes, this dependency attitude is also the fault of the ex pat or OFW. when they go home, they tend to show off, giving things here and there etc.


so if you are married to Filipino who have relatives who need help, make sure to emphasize that helping is not bad but give priority to your own family. if you have extra money or extra time to give, then that's fine but it should not be at the expense of family finances and time

sorry, i've never been one to show off. i'm such an atypical filipino in that i even try to be as discreet as possible when going home, but i've only been home 2x in the past 9 years. and i try to live as far away from other filipinos as i can here in the US just to avoid all that one-upmanship.
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Old 08-12-2016, 12:32 PM
 
3,339 posts, read 2,074,964 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zilam98 View Post
sorry, i've never been one to show off. i'm such an atypical filipino in that i even try to be as discreet as possible when going home, but i've only been home 2x in the past 9 years. and i try to live as far away from other filipinos as i can here in the US just to avoid all that one-upmanship.
I didn't generalized..i posted "fault of the ex pat"


so kabayan..we are the same in attitude..and one thing I observe also about our kababayans..they like big houses..as if its all what we need forgetting about retirement and their childrens education ( I mean not the 2 yr courses but those university education we see on other Asians)
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Old 08-12-2016, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Elysium
6,573 posts, read 3,631,003 times
Reputation: 4558
Quote:
Originally Posted by payutenyodagimas View Post
I didn't generalized..i posted "fault of the ex pat"


so kabayan..we are the same in attitude..and one thing I observe also about our kababayans..they like big houses..as if its all what we need forgetting about retirement and their childrens education ( I mean not the 2 yr courses but those university education we see on other Asians)
Beyond the real estate investors consider the kids are probably at home with the spouse and the first couple of grandkids and not going until their mid thirties and their peak earnings years. So space is needed.
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Old 08-16-2016, 12:36 AM
 
19 posts, read 21,560 times
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It's presented as strong family values, but it's usually mostly extortion and parents and people making irresponsible decisions and then taking advantage of whoever they can get money from (children, relatives, anyone white).

I live in the PI and see it every day.
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Old 08-16-2016, 10:07 AM
 
3,339 posts, read 2,074,964 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SANDRUNNER View Post
It's presented as strong family values, but it's usually mostly extortion and parents and people making irresponsible decisions and then taking advantage of whoever they can get money from (children, relatives, anyone white).

I live in the PI and see it every day.
i strongly disagree with that but i don't live where you live and don't tolerate dependence
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Old 08-16-2016, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,277 posts, read 5,166,483 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
And how long is this arrangement supposed to last? What if they want to start a family of their own or go to school or travel? Is that the main reason they leave and go to Singapore, Indonesia, etc--to send money home for their families?
I'm trying to better understand the culture. Thank you.
I would say a portion, yes. My husband's family has been here for decades, and they still help the others still in the Philippines a ton.
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