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Old 01-28-2017, 05:30 PM
 
196 posts, read 133,668 times
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This is not to say that all of them are this way.

But it seems a lot of the older generation Chinese parents seem to be arrogant sometimes and jump to conclusions about things without listening or examining the situation.

And also, many of them seem to want to standardize everything and assume they know everything like they are a king.

Sometimes it causes conflict between the younger generations and older generations within the Chinese culture.

Can anyone answer why many of the older generation Chinese parents are like that? Does it have something to do with the fact they think because they are at a certain status they are suppose to get everything their way?
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Old 01-28-2017, 08:42 PM
 
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American parents are truly less controlling than those in most other countries. But I do not think Chinese parents are unique in this regard.

Don't forget Chinese parents pay their children's college tuition, mortgage, and (in some places) bride price too. So that may contribute to their desire to control.
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Old 01-28-2017, 08:54 PM
 
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I think they are treating the younger generation the same way they were treated when they were young. They were bossed around, and it's finally their turn now. And of course there is the cultural expectation that the young will respect the old and defer to them.
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Old 01-28-2017, 11:44 PM
 
Location: Guangzhou, China
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I think that more than anything else, it's a result of the tradition of filial piety and ancestor worship clashing with the 21st century. It's just the way the culture works, and has worked for some time. There's a right and a wrong way to do everything, and a parent's job is to make sure that their kids do the "right" thing.

The 80's-90's generation in China knows more individual wealth, opportunity, and, in many respects, freedom than China has ever seen before, and have also grown up with more privilege than ever before. Older generations are still stuck in older ways of thinking; they expect that their kids who they spoiled, or at the very least, indulged their whole lives will suddenly do an about-face, stop living life for themselves, and start living for the family when they hit their 20's.

So, I don't really think it's "arrogance" per se. It's just a clash of generational cultures.
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Old 01-28-2017, 11:47 PM
 
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OP: Those whom you are speaking about would be the only ones who can tell you the true answer to your question.
Ask one of them.
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Old 01-29-2017, 12:07 AM
 
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If you think Chinese parents are control freaks, go visit India, Saudi Arabia or even Korea.
Do not always compare China with western countries, since the west is not always the norm.

That being said, I think Chinese parents often feel insecure. They are afraid their children will leave them or turn too liberal.
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Old 01-29-2017, 01:39 AM
 
10,847 posts, read 11,250,780 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toby2016 View Post
This is not to say that all of them are this way.

But it seems a lot of the older generation Chinese parents seem to be arrogant sometimes and jump to conclusions about things without listening or examining the situation.

And also, many of them seem to want to standardize everything and assume they know everything like they are a king.

Sometimes it causes conflict between the younger generations and older generations within the Chinese culture.

Can anyone answer why many of the older generation Chinese parents are like that? Does it have something to do with the fact they think because they are at a certain status they are suppose to get everything their way?
It is true.

The older generation always assumes they know more, which is fine. But the problem is they always try to impose their value or lifestyle on the younger generation, what job they should have, who they should marry, whether they should have kids etc etc. It caused so many inter-generation troubles.

The problem of the older generation in China is that they don't know how to let the young live their own lives without constant meddling. It is part of the culture.

But it is not all their fault. The younger generation is in general less independent too. They constantly need their parents to provide help and support (sometimes financially, such as in buying an apartment) although they are full grown adults, even having their own kids. So you can't say their parents should not have a say in their decisions because you involved them in the first place.
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Old 01-29-2017, 01:42 AM
 
10,847 posts, read 11,250,780 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettafish View Post
If you think Chinese parents are control freaks, go visit India, Saudi Arabia or even Korea.
Do not always compare China with western countries, since the west is not always the norm.

That being said, I think Chinese parents often feel insecure. They are afraid their children will leave them or turn too liberal.
true.

I have a Canadian colleague who almost never sees her parents after moving away. I don't think we need that kind "independence". Of course the parents can't control her, because they seldom hear from her.

Think about the great trouble the Chinese go through just to spend Chinese New Year with parents, quite a contrast.
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Old 01-29-2017, 03:52 AM
 
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Yes, but just wait another 20, or even just 10 years and that will disappear as the older gen passes on. They will bring with them their old style control freak attitude, along with ignorant things like total belief in TCM and other stupidities. Dog eating and the eating of exotic endangered animals like pangolins, bear biles, shark fins will be less too I imagine, thank heaven, as China's younger generation is far more worldly, sophisticated and educated.
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Old 01-31-2017, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Plano, TX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettafish View Post
If you think Chinese parents are control freaks, go visit India, Saudi Arabia or even Korea.
Do not always compare China with western countries, since the west is not always the norm.

That being said, I think Chinese parents often feel insecure. They are afraid their children will leave them or turn too liberal.
While I'm not in Asia, I am in an area with a noticeable Asian presence. In my kids' elementary school (approximately ~70% Asian, in the USA) there is a plurality of Indians. While, obviously, the local demographics are not wholly representative of the local populations of the countries where the parents came from, over here the Chinese parents are definitely the most controlling.

The only time I see most of the Chinese parents not being controlling is when they are socializing with other Chinese adults, and in those situations, they seem to almost completely ignore their kids. The Indian parents, in general, are not as controlling, even less so for their daughters than their sons. However, the Indian parents seem to be more consistent in their behavior, i.e. they will publically correct their kids' behavior. With the Chinese, they seem to be more controlling of their girls than their boys whom many seem to be raising as spoiled brats. Both of these groups, in general over here, seem to be somewhat lenient and dependent on primarily (if not for most, exclusively) associating only within their own in-group, and seem to defer noticeable control in the pursuit of group acceptance and happiness. (Oh, it's completely okay that you are doing something reprehensible because the Changs or the Patels let their kid do it, but if you yourself did it at home, you would be getting a severe beating.)

The Korean parents, while definitely more controlling than most White American parents, seem at least to me (anecdotally) less controlling than the Chinese and Indian parents (at least here).
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