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Nice write-up. And I agree with you about American culture. Here in America everything is about money and materialism first and everything else either doesn't matter or is secondary. Americans may have lots of money and cool toys but most have empty boring lives because they have little to no friends and family and just sit rotting away in front of a TV if they're not working.
Largely true. Philipinos are nice people but you do need to consider the culture you come from. I work with a guy who is half Philipino and whne he was born 2 of his aunts helped raise him - in America. His mom was Philipino. When she married his father (an Irish American) they came back to the states with his moms sisters in tow somehow. Somehow the dad adapted and it all worked out. They've been together 30+ years.
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Also, the cities in the Ilocos Region are small by Philippine standards, so it's a bit more rural than most other places. The settlements are also older. In fact, Vigan boasts a row of houses from the Spanish era, which can no longer be found elsewhere in the country. Some observations you have are still applicable to other places, like roads are really narrow by US standards. In rural La Union, people speak Ilocano to the locals, then Tagalog (or sometimes Pangasinan or Kapampangan) to other Filipinos, then English to foreigners. It's not everyday that a foreigner goes there. But if you're in Makati, BGC or in the beach resorts of Cebu or Boracay, no one bats an eye if one speaks English. One can even hear locals speaking English to each other because the server forgot to code switch to the local language.
OP - you're from Hawaii, right?
Well, you're probably aware that many of the Filipinos in Hawaii are from Ilocos or trace their ancestry to that region.
Ferdinand Marcos, a past Philippines President, was Ilocano. So when he got exiled in 1986, he went to Hawaii, because there were a lot of Ilocanos there, and presumably, they weren't as hostile to him as other Filipinos were at the time.
Another big cultural difference. In the U.S., parents provide for kids....the culture dictates that in the U.S., when you bring a kid in the world, you are somewhat responsible for them for life, financially. American parents sometimes help out their kids financially, at all kinds of different points in their life.
In the Philippines its the opposite. That means that Filipinos have kids with the idea that kids are RESPONSIBLE for their PARENTS for LIFE. It also means that anyone in the family who gets any money at all, is responsible for the entire family. They don't save that for their future - they send that to others to spend in the Philippines. They believe that when they have kids - those same kids will be slaving away for them, when they grow old, in the same way.
Cities like Hong Kong, Dubai, Singapore, you name it...is absolutely FILLED with Filipinas working 6-day 24-hour a day jobs, sending back their monthly salaries back to their parents (and/or their kids they left in the Philippines to work abroad).
I'm saying this because when a Filipina marries a foreigner, pretty much the entire family is looking at you as a money source. Just something to be aware of....as you contemplate some of these huge cultural differences.
If while you were in the Philippines, if anyone was waiting you for you to buy all the food or drinks or 'the pig (lechon)' or whatever else for 20+ people... it's just a small sign of things to come. Not all Filipina families are like this, but culturally, those are the cultural norms. Try to see if these are the cultural norms of your Filipina fiance as well. If they are, avoid her, as there are a hundred million other Filipinas just as quick to jump at a chance to marry a foreigner - so it's not like the opportunity to marry another sweet/kind/nice Filipina wouldn't ever come again.
This isn't very different from other Asian cultures, really. Asian cultures are a "We" society, whereas Americans are a "I" society. The flip side of this is that families pull together to help one another.
And yes, the economic situation of the Philippines is such that many Filipinos work overseas to support their families. The term OCW (Overseas Contract Workers) is ingrained into the national economy and society that there's a special queue or lane for them at NAIA immigration and customs. Remittances account for about 10% of the country's GDP.
As for Filipinas marrying foreigners, the other side is that they often get mistreated by the host family. Lots of that happening too. It works both ways.
I'm just saying, and not to rain on your happy times, but I would think about what financial obligations you will face after your married, because I can tell you its going to happen.
Best of luck with everything. Filipinos are great people. Really good hearts, but it is a developing country.
Wow, thank you, JakeinChina, for pointing out to me the financial obligations that foreign husbands have towards shelling out money to the wife's family. Oh my goodness!
I did not ask her about financial commitments. However, there were times where I did pay for all of the parents lunch, as well as for my GF, me, and her sister-in-law when we visited places like ChowKing, and paid half fee for a fancy seafood restaurant in Vigan City.
I was kind of turned off by the discreet racism by the mother of my GF. She kept telling me my "small eyes" looked cute. It may be a compliment, but kind of back-handed type of compliment.
Location: From Sunny Honolulu to Rainy Puget Sound Area
361 posts, read 397,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverkris
OP - you're from Hawaii, right?
Well, you're probably aware that many of the Filipinos in Hawaii are from Ilocos or trace their ancestry to that region.
Ferdinand Marcos, a past Philippines President, was Ilocano. So when he got exiled in 1986, he went to Hawaii, because there were a lot of Ilocanos there, and presumably, they weren't as hostile to him as other Filipinos were at the time.
Yes, silverkris, I do know that the majority of FIlipinos living in Hawaii are Ilocano people.
My mom's friend, who introduced me to her sister-in-law, who's brother is my GF's father, ....they are all Ilocano's.
Location: From Sunny Honolulu to Rainy Puget Sound Area
361 posts, read 397,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lance001
Nice write-up. And I agree with you about American culture. Here in America everything is about money and materialism first and everything else either doesn't matter or is secondary. Americans may have lots of money and cool toys but most have empty boring lives because they have little to no friends and family and just sit rotting away in front of a TV if they're not working.
It is soooo true Lance001. I don't know how to explain it. But I feel that it's hard to make friends here in the US, and I was born and raised here in the US (but from HI)!
I don't know how to explain it. But yes, people here are more individualistic and care about their own ambitions, their own lives,....kind of leave you out of their lives.
It seems that if you're white, then yeah, you are accepted in a social group. But if you're an Asian minority like me, then you're excluded from being invited to parties, or other social events. Heck, I even had white co-workers who didn't even bother adding me to their Facebook friend list because I was a non-white person (I can feel that vibe here in WA).
Compare that to Filipino families who tend to be tight knit, brothers and sisters tend to live together, or at least see each other often, and live nearby each other. They also tend to get together for birthday parties, and other events, and sing "video-oke" together. The togetherness of families kind of reminds me of S. Korea where my mom is from, where families there are also tight knit (but not as cohesive as Filipino families). It seemed to be easy for me to talk and socialize with my GF's sister, one of her brothers (the older brother didn't seem to want to talk to me), her aunties, uncles and grandma (nana).
Yes, silverkris, I do know that the majority of FIlipinos living in Hawaii are Ilocano people.
My mom's friend, who introduced me to her sister-in-law, who's brother is my GF's father, ....they are all Ilocano's.
Why were other Filipino's hostile to Marcos?
Where can I start?
Look up the history of Ferdinand Marcos and his controversial history of his presidency. Such as declaring martial law. Clamping down on the opposition. And the Ninoy Aquino assassination at MNL in 1983. Rigging and fixing an election in 1986. And the cronyism as well.
I'm just saying, and not to rain on your happy times, but I would think about what financial obligations you will face after your married, because I can tell you its going to happen.
Best of luck with everything. Filipinos are great people. Really good hearts, but it is a developing country.
depends on the family. if poor, you are expected to help but it is not mandatory. better option is not to let them depend on both of you. you must be firm when you say NO. but if money is not the problem, then you can help if you want. don't force yourself to the detriment of your own family.
the problem with foreigners or even Filipinos is they are show-off when they go in the Philippines. that's the start of the problem
we are Filipinos and our families (clan) is small and they don't come hanging around in our house when we are in the Philippines. we have to call them if we want to throw a party
Location: From Sunny Honolulu to Rainy Puget Sound Area
361 posts, read 397,888 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by payutenyodagimas
the problem with foreigners or even Filipinos is they are show-off when they go in the Philippines. that's the start of the problem
we are Filipinos and our families (clan) is small and they don't come hanging around in our house when we are in the Philippines. we have to call them if we want to throw a party
^^ So you're saying that it is bad for me to pay for my girlfriend's food and even pay for her older sister's food when we go out to eat?
I usually do that to be nice to the family members, since I will be a part of their family in the near future.
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On another note, to any Filipino's or non-Filipino's who got engaged to a Filipina.....what is the Filipino culture of getting engaged? Do I present a ring to my girlfriend in front of her parents? Is it done in front of a pastor/priest at church?
^^ So you're saying that it is bad for me to pay for my girlfriend's food and even pay for her older sister's food when we go out to eat?
I usually do that to be nice to the family members, since I will be a part of their family in the near future.
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On another note, to any Filipino's or non-Filipino's who got engaged to a Filipina.....what is the Filipino culture of getting engaged? Do I present a ring to my girlfriend in front of her parents? Is it done in front of a pastor/priest at church?
People think that once you pay you are never going to be able to stop. However the culture is the opposite from the US. If it's your birthday/party you are paying not be treated by your friends.
For getting engaged think old school asking her parents permission. If no father is around an uncle or the oldest brother would probably sit in with her mother. Depending upon the province/ethnic group she might present her right or left hand. The church normally wouldn't be involved yet. Are we talking about Catholics, Islamic, INC, or Protestant (Christian or born again in their usage of the language ?
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