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Doesn't bother me, though I sigh and get out the popcorn. because it seems to add nothing much to the story and is only done because it is now The Fashion.
Eventually due to things like me waking up one night to find my wife standing over me with a butcher knife as I slept, my marriage fell apart whether I wanted it to or not. One can argue that my wife executed upon me a monstrous betrayal, depriving me permanently and irreversibly of the most important desired narrative arc for my life. One can imagine that I should be justifiably angry at her -- or to the extent she was not responsible by reason of insanity, at god, or at life, or whatever other throat I could find to choke.
A better (and better adjusted) outcome is to recognize that my wife was not the devil incarnate (despite at times acting like it), she was ill, and I chose poorly (it is surprisingly easy to conveniently forget that I had plenty of heads-up and warnings about her mental health issues before I married her, and I did it anyway, and that was because of another idealistic notion I had, commonly called a "Jesus complex" -- I wanted to save her). No one held a gun to my head; I was present for all this too. I could have left her at any time, and knowing what I know now about how relationships should actually work, and having better boundaries and more realistic objectives, that marriage would have lasted about 15 weeks, not 15 years -- assuming I was dumb enough to enter into it at all. Lacking the mindless divorce taboo, I would have had it annulled and I certainly wouldn't have got her with child not once, but twice. THAT's been a gift that's kept on giving, I can tell you.
So ... it would have been way better for me to have let go of my attachment to being a one woman man for life and my attachment to saving my wife when she couldn't save herself. Once I realized that, I did not need to be angry at her or my bad luck or even at myself -- I was after all young and stoopid, as we all are at one point in our life. I allowed myself to be as I was -- a young fool. I allowed my wife to be as she was -- a mentally ill piece of work. I allowed my life to be as it was -- imperfect but incrementally improving. And I moved on. And made more mistakes and endured more disappointments, frustrations, and betrayals, and learned gradually how to have fewer of them. And even had a few pleasant surprises that were worth celebrating, and learned gradually how to have more of them.
Letting go has nothing to do with allowing endless abuse to be heaped on you. It is not trusting people that aren't trustworthy. It is letting go of false notions. Notions of rightness, impotence, helplessness, caring what others think of you more than what you think of yourself or what you need, and so on.
If you are obsessing about someone not acting toward you as you want them to then I can be pretty sure that you are not letting go of some narrative or idea that you have no choice but to put up with it or keep trying to fix it.
She can afford toAnother example. My current wife's father is an emotionally unavailable, unsupportive, objectifying, shaming, empty coward. She obsessed most of her life keeping him on a pedestal and trying to figure out how to please him rather than accepting how he was -- that he was unpleasable and uncaring. She obsessed most of her adult life trying to get her stepmother to like her instead of accepting that she was a borderline personality who irrationally saw her both as a threat and as competition for her father's wealth. And she was angry at being misunderstood, mistreated, and disrespected pretty much no matter what she did or didn't do.
Eventually my wife figured out that she needed to stop clinging to those expectations and -- poof -- her generalized anxiety disorder massively improved and her anger began to evaporate. Those sick relationships fell away and she didn't have to deal with them anymore. She developed clear personal boundaries and was safe within them. Because she was willing, at root, to let go of her "right" to a loving, caring, supportive father, and could then deal with him as the empty a__hole that he was. And even, in a brilliant bit of metaphysical jiu jitsu, let her father go gracefully, letting him know that he owed her nothing. Which is an example of forgiveness. Her father owed her so much more than he gave her, and she let him off the hook. He's an 80 year old shell of his former self, and who cares at this point. That train left the station a long time ago. be generous, even with him.
That to me is forgiveness in action.
Sorry you had such a bad experience Mordant. I have Bipolar, thankfully (if I can be thankful about it) I don't have the psychotic part of it. For such a long time I couldn't figure out why I have such high and low moods, the Dr's told me it was Pms I finally found a great Dr and she spend 1 1/2 hours with me on my second appointment going over my history. My last manic episode was on 2013 and it lasted for a couple months. My poor partner said I'd never been that bad. Anyway I've never threatened anyone, and while I can't remember most of the episode, there are parts that we just have to laugh about. Like I thought I won the lottery, or that the President was coming to visit me. I saw a house with the America flag flying and came to the conclusion Obama was coming.
Anyway they changed my medication, after everyone was blaming everyone else for messing up my meds. But I've been stable since they changed my medication. I hated the zyprexa, it made me gain 30 of the 50 lbs I lost. I've since lost that 30! There is such a stigma to mental illness, mostly because they get it from TV and movies. I'm just not a scary crazy lady just a person who has some wires crossed in my brain. My partner and I have been together for 18 years, most of the time she thinks my Bipolar is my quirky side.
Felt like sharing this. I got an e-mail this evening from Coast Central Credit Union where I have a checking account which apologizes for "the technical error in the last line of the "President's letter." The corrected version was in place and the last line reads:
Quote:
Coast Central is committed to providing you peace of mind and financial stability, while delivering all the financial services you need from your credit union.
This made me curious as to what the erroneous version read. I had dumped the e-mail without reading it, but fortunately it was still in my trash folder. I pulled it up and the last line of the President's letter there reads.
Quote:
Coast Central is committed to providing you peace of mind and financial stability, while delivering all the financial services you need from your credit union.son! Time to fire up the 'ole charcoal and make some amazing grub!
This may have been brought up before and if so please forgive me.
I have wondered for some time why so many people of a religion or non religion seem to care so much about the beliefs of others? What real difference does it make in day to day life?
Personally I don't see it but if others can explain to me why what they believe is so important, I would consider it.
This may have been brought up before and if so please forgive me.
I have wondered for some time why so many people of a religion or non religion seem to care so much about the beliefs of others? What real difference does it make in day to day life?
Personally I don't see it but if others can explain to me why what they believe is so important, I would consider it.
Well, do you suppose things would be different in the Middle East if Jerusalem was just another city rather than one which three different religions proclaim is their "Holy" city?
Well, do you suppose things would be different in the Middle East if Jerusalem was just another city rather than one which three different religions proclaim is their "Holy" city?
People can claim whatever they wish, does not make it true. The middle east is a political situation, not one of religious truth.
People can claim whatever they wish, does not make it true. The middle east is a political situation, not one of religious truth.
Yes, the politics of religion.
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I finally found a great Dr and she spend 1 1/2 hours with me on my second appointment going over my history. My last manic episode was on 2013 and it lasted for a couple months. My poor partner said I'd never been that bad. Anyway I've never threatened anyone, and while I can't remember most of the episode, there are parts that we just have to laugh about. Like I thought I won the lottery, or that the President was coming to visit me. I saw a house with the America flag flying and came to the conclusion Obama was coming.
just a person who has some wires crossed in my brain. My partner and I have been together for 18 years, most of the time she thinks my Bipolar is my quirky side.
