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Old 11-11-2013, 11:14 AM
Location: In a little house on the prairie - literally
10,202 posts, read 6,089,990 times
Reputation: 4527


Now it really depends what you mean by door knockers.

Attachment 120804

Last edited by kris; 01-10-2014 at 01:41 PM..
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:43 AM
Location: Middle of nowhere
20,332 posts, read 10,448,010 times
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Originally Posted by cupper3 View Post
Now it really depends what you mean by door knockers.

Attachment 120804
Why don't they even knock on my door?
The ones we get around here look more like this.
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Old 11-14-2013, 02:29 AM
Location: 'greater' Buffalo, NY
3,067 posts, read 2,108,277 times
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If I want to **** with the Jehovah's Witnesses (the only brand of religious door-to-door solicitor I get), I simply answer the door. I've had a stereotypical Jesus-esque appearance for several years now (my profile picture is from the infancy of this period...2007 maybe...the hair has been grown in the interim), and it tends to leave the proselytizers reeling a bit (or more than a bit), especially if they intend to distribute promotional material which features religious imagery. One time a couple Lents (yeah, I still can track my Christian mythological calendar) ago, a hulking would-be evangelist (accompanied by a sidekick, no less) quivered and essentially surrendered his iconography-adorned pamphlet to the aura of my atheist (unbeknownst to him) Jesus vibe. Third Coming was me answering the front door of an entirely unremarkable suburban Buffalo house, clearly.

Once this past summer I answered the door incredibly hungover and ornery...these being conditions under which I would normally not answer the door (for anyone), but my quick glance out the front window produced an inaccurate assessment of the visitor as a deliveryman. I opened the door and quickly found out that eternal salvation was instead what was on offer. I tactlessly cut him off mid-introduction with "Sorry, I'm atheist, I can't believe you still believe in god", slammed the door shut, and went back to sleep till late afternoon.

Oh, humanity.
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Old 11-14-2013, 03:44 AM
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,820 posts, read 6,364,683 times
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Yeah, I just tell them I'm atheist and don't believe in any of that. Usually I don't even bother answering the door.
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Old 11-16-2013, 09:30 PM
Location: Victoria, BC.
30,883 posts, read 31,765,340 times
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Being proactive....

John Safran vs. mormons - YouTube
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Old 11-17-2013, 12:27 AM
17,853 posts, read 12,223,092 times
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Originally Posted by BP72 View Post
Because, like telemarketers, they come when I am trying to accomplish something.

Maybe I should ask them for their home address so I can come to their house when I am ready to talk. I might have insomnia one night and ready to talk around 3 a.m.
LOL. That's what I do to telemarketers. Ask them for their home phone number and what time they are usually having dinner with their family and tell them I will call them then.

Or another one is saying that I am a very busy consultant and am normally paid $600 per hour for my time then ask for their name and address so I can send them an invoice. Would probably work for door knocking bible humpers as well but haven't tried it.... yet.
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Old 11-22-2013, 07:20 PM
Location: Chicago
319 posts, read 501,790 times
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Originally Posted by Tele-Cat View Post
I don't answer the door any more. I have answered the door with no pants for the Mormons and when I opened the door, all I said "if you can justify the Mountain Meadows Massacre, I'll talk to you, otherwise, I'll pee on you."

You never saw bicycles move so fast in your life outside the Olympics or downtown San Francisco.

The most recent one was a long time ago (seven years?). I was working from home and in a meeting (phoned into the meeting) and one of my cats (since departed) was napping on my desk, as he usually did when I was WFH.

All of a sudden, there was this terrible, loud pounding on my front door, like a cop with a search warrant. Brat (the kitty) went flying and he took my cell phone with him because it had been plugged in (long meeting) so the battery wouldn't die.

I apologized for the disruption and asked if we could take a five-minute break (I had to pee, too); I muted the phone, opened the door, and there was this little old man, bible in hand, anticipatory look on his face (hey someone opened the door) and I bellowed at him "EVER HEARD OF A ****ING DOORBELL (we had one), YOU ***HOLE? GET THE **** out of here before I call the cops on you!"

No one ever came to my door after that, even after we moved. I answer the door when I'm expecting a delivery, a service call or a friend coming over. If I'm not expecting you, you better be one of my neighbors and have an emergency. OTW, I'm not answering the door.

Honestly aside from a couple of you, you really aren't having enough fun with these guys. I have a couple of favorites.

First: The Canada Connection:

Preacher/Child Preacher (Elder): "Have you heard of "jesus"
Me: "No, who's that"
Preacher/Child Preacher (Elder): *confused look* " ... You've heard of jesus before"
Me: "No, I really haven't, I'm from Canada"
Preacher/Child Preacher (Elder): "They have jesus in canada"
Me: "I don't know what you're talking about, we have Hockey."
Preacher/Child Preacher (Elder): *confused look*
Me: "Pretty silly to start this off with: 'Have you heard of jesus' huh?"
Preacher/Child Preacher (Elder): *walks off*

Second: Reverse Evangelism

Preacher/Child Preacher (Elder): *knock-knock" "Hello, we'd like to talk to you about the book of Mormon"
Me: 4 hours of me covering the bullet points of how Joseph Smith was a con-artist.

This eventually culminates in me positing the following situation: "Lets say that all of a sudden there is a terrible catastrophe, and most of the electronic information that exists is suddenly wiped clean, there is a population crash due to a disaster, and a group of people, primarily my friends and relatives who went to hide in the hills with me, come across hand written works of science fiction that I wrote, and wrote in such a way that they would be told to little children to inspire morality in the face impending doom. Lets say that some of this became misinterpreted as a dogma, perhaps even religion, by my descendents, due to the fact that I was able to show them survival skills. Knowing me, after this 4 hours of shredding Joseph Smith's validity as a prophet, would you want to be one of the people following my religion?"

It's funny, the little Elders say no this...

Then they generally offer me a bit of kindling, which is what I use it for, and then wander off. I did plant the seed though...
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Old 11-22-2013, 08:03 PM
Location: Sto'Vo'Kor
328 posts, read 407,057 times
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Get a very protective dog. Works for me. Get a breed with some bass in its voice.
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Old 11-22-2013, 10:07 PM
540 posts, read 570,360 times
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I read this one someplace years ago. You say, rather furtively after opening the door: "Oh, I already have a religion." Hopefully they'll respond, "May I ask what it is?" And then you say, after lowering your voice and glancing around, "I shouldn't say. I don't think it's ... legal in this country."

Or do your best Loki/Tom Hiddleston impression: "You must be truly desperate to come to me for followers."

I admit I'm much too timid to actually try anything. I tend not to even open my door if I don't know who it is. There was this guy last week who came around several times. He had a clipboard though, so I think he must be a poll taker of some sort. He was hitting up all the doors in the complex. He kept ringing my bell and I kept not answering. Must have driven him nuts because my lights were on. I was thinking of using my porch light to send him a four-letter morse code message but he hasn't been back since I came up with the idea.

I lasted one night working for an environmental group where I went door-to-door to ask for donations. Then I quit. So I do have some respect for people who can do it day after day. Even if I also want to taser them.
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Old 11-23-2013, 02:52 PM
16,300 posts, read 24,961,439 times
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Truthfully with the increase in daytime robberies/burglaries and violent home invasions, when the doorbell rings, an there isn't a big brown UPS truck at the top of the drive, I go to the door with a gun on my hip.
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