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I was raised in the church and throughout my adolescent years, I never wanted to rebel from church. I had no interest in going out to parties and my parents were very strict and never allowed that sort of thing anyway. Now I am almost 30 and I still go to church mainly because I am so used to it and don't really know where else to go. Sometimes, it's fine. I like the socialization, sometimes the music is really good and I enjoy it. Other times, it's just a long miserable and depressing day listening to nonsensical sermons and me wondering why I still attend. Every now and then if I put off church, I end up bored and return to church the following week. And figuring out something besides church is daunting because I'm not the most social person, most people I'm close to go to church, and doing something else means making some new friends. How do you distance yourself from church when you have gotten this comfortable there yet get so depressed when you're there?
You sound exactly in the position I am in. I just turned 30.
I am not sure where I stand right now on religion itself, but I do know I am disgusted by the modern church's handling of things like LGBT issues, science, politics, etc and have had enough. Yet, I still go to appease my fundamentalist family and also because I am not sure where else to find a social life especially living in a small town like Oklahoma City. Going to church depresses me though because I have to wear a mask when I am there and can't be open about how I really feel about things or even the person that I really am. I will also sometimes take a few weeks off but will always end up going back because of the social structure. The alternative to church is meeting random strangers in a bar but I have never had any meaningful relationships begin that way.
This question worries me a lot. Just how much time were you wasting at church anyway?
In my mind, church is two hours Sunday morning.
If you grew up in a fundamentalist/evangelical household, it's far more than that. My dad is an IFB pastor and practically lives at the church. Growing up I was forced into Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night services. In addition, Awanas on Tuesday night and "soul winning" on Thursday. Usually Saturday nights involved some kind of service project at the church. So basically Monday and Friday nights were the only nights of the week I wasn't somewhat involved in church. If you grow up in this kind of a construct it can be difficult to leave, almost like leaving a cult.
The alternative to church is meeting random strangers in a bar but I have never had any meaningful relationships begin that way.
There's a much bigger world out there than that, even in a small town.
And if you really can't find another social venue, because your small town has a population of 117 and everyone is either your blood relative or in-law, then maybe it's time for you to move.
Sooner or later, you have to grow up and stop blaming your family for keeping you from doing what you want to do.
Well, I guess you don't *have* to. You can just spend your whole life feeling sorry for yourself. Your choice.
P.S., I made this decision as soon as I was legally able. It really is possible.
I started enjoying all of the little things I could never do on a Sunday morning: biking, running through the trails, enjoying a cup of coffee at the marina or the river, grocery shopping while the store is still empty, or hell: just sleeping in.
This question worries me a lot. Just how much time were you wasting at church anyway?
In my mind, church is two hours Sunday morning.
Two hours? I used to resent getting stuffed into starchy clothes in the Miami heat to endure mass which while seemingly endless, lasted a bit under an hour. There was always one mass designated "High Mass" which featured "singing" the mass, which was actually just chanting the Latin words, which stretched it to about 75 minutes, but fortunately my parents avoided that one.
I was jealous of kids who got to go to non Catholic services because theirs always seemed less stiff and formal, at least were in English, and at least had singing in the form of actual songs rather than the brain numbing chanting.
But it ran two hours? Was this typical for most Protestant faiths?
Two hours? I used to resent getting stuffed into starchy clothes in the Miami heat to endure mass which while seemingly endless, lasted a bit under an hour. There was always one mass designated "High Mass" which featured "singing" the mass, which was actually just chanting the Latin words, which stretched it to about 75 minutes, but fortunately my parents avoided that one.
I was jealous of kids who got to go to non Catholic services because theirs always seemed less stiff and formal, at least were in English, and at least had singing in the form of actual songs rather than the brain numbing chanting.
But it ran two hours? Was this typical for most Protestant faiths?
At least for evangelicals, yeah it is pretty normal. An hour for Sunday School and an hour for service. Plus maybe another hour of prep if you or your parents are helping with facilities or the music ministry. Plus another two for Sunday night, an hour of class and an hour service. Plus an hour or so on Wednesday for prayer meeting, plus an hour or two on Thursday for choir practice or worship team practice.
And if the denomination is charismatic, Pentecostal, or Assemblies of God, all worship services (not classes) should have a praise and worship modifier of 1.5 or 2.0 applied...��
And it gets worse if you are a PK (Preacher's Kid)
-NoCapo
Last edited by NoCapo; 09-06-2015 at 01:14 PM..
Reason: Phone typo!
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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I stopped attending when I was abut 10 years old, and would ride my bike to go fishing at a local lake, or have breakfast at a local restaurant instead of going to church. Most Sundays one or two of my brothers would go with me. My parents would have been very upset if they had found out, but then my mother stopped going about 10 years later. Currently none of my friends, and only one relative still attend church. Other than funerals and weddings, I have not been in close to 50 years, and have never had a lack of things to do on Sunday mornings. Normally just having coffee, reading the paper and relaxing
now, but we often will leave early for a road trip and get back in time for dinner.
The alternative to church is meeting random strangers in a bar but I have never had any meaningful relationships begin that way.
Actually there are many alternatives. Does Oklahoma City not have secular charities, fraternal organizations, political organizations and causes (you can probably be a big fish in a little pond in a place like O.C., if you're not conservative-leaning), food kitchens / pantries, hospice, and similar volunteer opportunities (they aren't necessarily 100% run by churches)? Can you not audit classes at a university? Go bowling? Something?
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