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exactly why I don't buy into ex fundy-mental's blaming religion for glitchy parents and being them being stupid. All parents are glitchy and do the best they can. Abusive parents are abusive, period. When one reaches a certain age and still believes in died, woke up, and flew away, that is on that person.
I know this sounds bad, but I am not really emotional. I am working on it tho. if one got popped in the pooper, I can see the hate. But I also see the broken brain they can't see. I would give them a little lead way as long as they tell their story beyond big bad boogey man religion brainwashing people.
and, when people can't blame loved ones because they love them ... they really need to learn about themselves before pushing "religion made my mommy and daddy do that to me. boo hoo hoo ..poo me."
What. The. Heck!! I'm going to toss a little Zen on your word salad so you can understand why I don't do things like blame or take things personally.(I used to until I read this) BEHOLD !!!!!
The Taoists have a famous teaching about an empty boat that rams into your boat in the middle of a river. While you probably wouldn’t be angry at an empty boat, you might well become enraged if someone were at its helm.
The point of the story is that the parents who didn’t see you, the other kids who teased you as a child, the driver who aggressively tailgated you yesterday – are all in fact empty, rudderless boats. They were compulsively driven to act as they did by their own unexamined wounds, therefore they did not know what they were doing and had little control over it.
When I a "believer" in religion I was still a child (more or less). You always assume/trust that adults know what they're talking about when you're younger. When I was about 18 I realized how much I didn't agree with so much of religion (in general) and that it (logically) made no sense to me. (I also really enjoyed loved science in school, so this made me think and question things even more).
I am grateful that I eventually arrived to my own independent thinking and choices. The main thing I feel now I guess you could say ( in a way ) is something like "survivor's guilt", particularly when I see people I grew up with marching into churches with their kids (and the whole thing starting all over). Knowing that those kids are going to be taught not to question or challenge anything, and their young innocent minds are going to be filled with prejudices against gay people and those who have different beliefs than them is very depressing. And even after things as vile as sexual abuse are blown out into the open, so many (religious) people simply choose to sweep them back under the rug, look the other way and pretend it's not happening. This makes me fearful for their children, and wonder how any parent could knowingly and willingly play along with such a disgusting charade. It's chilling.
Self Freedom, more like it. It took me years though, I know everything happens in it's time and that's how I feel about how I finally got to where I am. A process.
I'm a former evangelical Christian and now I am atheist/agnostic/non-religious.
I struggle with feelings of self-hatred, mainly along the lines of "how could I have been so stupid to believe such things?" I take some solace in the fact that I was indoctrinated with evangelical Christianity since childhood. But I also clung desperately to the religion since I was heavily "invested" in it. My father had a major "altercation" where he almost drowned in a rip current and believed that the Christian God saved him. He quit his job and became an evangelical pastor, causing me a lot of I unnecessary hardship in the process. I simply couldn't handle the idea that it was all for nothing.
Anyone else have similar feelings? Any advice?
Sorry, I don't struggle with self-hatred at all, but I have a similar experience as you. My father is a deacon at an evangelical church and I grew up under their influence. I became an atheist towards the end of my college years at a (real) Christian College.
How old are you? I don't feel bad about my parents "indoctrinating" me, I stil enjoyed my childhood. It sounds like your issues likely run deeper then just problems with your parents beliefs. Sorry, no advice, but I hope you can get the help you need. Were you an atheist before your parents became believers and drug you with them? I could see that being difficult.
Sorry, I don't struggle with self-hatred at all, but I have a similar experience as you. My father is a deacon at an evangelical church and I grew up under their influence. I became an atheist towards the end of my college years at a (real) Christian College.
How old are you? I don't feel bad about my parents "indoctrinating" me, I stil enjoyed my childhood. It sounds like your issues likely run deeper then just problems with your parents beliefs. Sorry, no advice, but I hope you can get the help you need. Were you an atheist before your parents became believers and drug you with them? I could see that being difficult.
My fundamentalist childhood was also, in terms of anything my parents had influence over or involvement in, entirely positive despite the religious influences. My parent's own religious roots were more liberal (mainstream Catholic and Lutheran) and that probably helped them have a less authoritarian mindset. Freak's parents, IIRC, were more "off the rails "types, always a toxic combination with fundamentalism.
Self Freedom, more like it. It took me years though, I know everything happens in it's time and that's how I feel about how I finally got to where I am. A process.
Yes. It's a sort of thankfulness and perhaps in some cases a slightly smug thankfulness - like now I am out of a financial double- crunch that would have put me sleeping in doorways wwre it not for generous family. I am thankful that I am now comfortable. I am also thankful that I have no religion.
Location: Born in L.A. - NYC is Second Home - Rustbelt is Home Base
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OP, maybe for a week or two. Not my fault. Was just raised like it was fact. Sent to religious school and all the rest. Was indoctrinated and couldn't figure out the truth until I was on my own.
Religious nutters are like the compulsive gambling addicts and live in a dream world.
Gamblers Anonymous on the subject...
“A lot of time is spent creating images of the great and wonderful things they are going to do as soon as they make the big win. They often see themselves as quite philanthropic and charming people. They may dream of providing families and friends with new cars, mink coats, and other luxuries. Compulsive gamblers picture themselves leading a pleasant gracious life, made possible by the huge sums of money they will accrue from their ‘system’. Servants, penthouses, nice clothes, charming friends, yachts, and world tours are a few of the wonderful things that are just around the corner after a big win is finally made.
Pathetically, however, there never seems to be a big enough winning to make even the smallest dream come true. When compulsive gamblers succeed, they gamble to dream still greater dreams. When failing, they gamble in reckless desperation and the depths of their misery are fathomless as their dream world comes crashing down. Sadly, they will struggle back, dream more dreams, and of course suffer more misery. No one can convince them that their great schemes will not someday come true. They believe they will, for without this dream world, life for them would not be tolerable.”
Until we are ready to admit we have been lied to our entire life and all gods are fantasies created by humans to keep you under control, nothing can be done. Admitting the problem is step one!
No, i never hated myself...what I really hated was being forced (ie. emotionally manipulated, guilt tripped) into going to church. And this is something i will never be able to forget. My dad always had (and still does) this holier-than-thou mindset, especially "oh if we stopped going to church, what will people in town think of us?" uggh...i do not care at all! Another thing I hated was how he often placed the "importance of church activities" a high priority over his life at home or work, that is something I never understood. There is also some other stuff I could list here but I really do not care to go into anymore discussion on this topic, for me it will just turn into a *****-fest. Good day everyone reading this!
I'm a former evangelical Christian and now I am atheist/agnostic/non-religious.
I struggle with feelings of self-hatred, mainly along the lines of "how could I have been so stupid to believe such things?" I take some solace in the fact that I was indoctrinated with evangelical Christianity since childhood. But I also clung desperately to the religion since I was heavily "invested" in it. My father had a major "altercation" where he almost drowned in a rip current and believed that the Christian God saved him. He quit his job and became an evangelical pastor, causing me a lot of I unnecessary hardship in the process. I simply couldn't handle the idea that it was all for nothing.
Anyone else have similar feelings? Any advice?
Well, I was certainly never an evangelical Christian, and never much of a believer at all. I tried though, since it made my mom happy and it was a good way to meet girls while in high school.
When I realized that I truly did not believe in God (I mean truly knew it, not just questioned it), it did not bring about in feelings of self hatred. In fact, I felt mostly freedom, and it made me realize just how precious this life is. There is no need for you to feel like you were "stupid". The sad thing is, most people follow whatever religion they were born in. It doesn't make them stupid.
I think you should look at it in the opposite way, actually. You proved, to yourself and others, that you were not just another sheep. You proved that you can think for yourself, and don't need anyone else to do it for you. You should, in my opinion, consider yourself quite lucky. People who think for themselves seem to be a rarity.
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Even as a kid, I think I despised nothing more than the occasional appeal to "What will everyone think...?"
