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Old 10-06-2009, 01:10 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
4,085 posts, read 8,756,265 times
Reputation: 2691

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An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, “Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this.” The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.”
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:15 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
4,085 posts, read 8,756,265 times
Reputation: 2691
The Pope took an atheist philosophy professor out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:31 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
4,085 posts, read 8,756,265 times
Reputation: 2691
Two muffins are being toasted in a toaster.

The first muffin says, "WOW, it is HOT in here!!!"

The second muffin says, "WOW, a talking muffin!!!"
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Old 10-06-2009, 03:05 AM
 
Location: Valencia, Spain
16,155 posts, read 12,795,579 times
Reputation: 2879
A little old lady was walking past the local brothel just a few minutes after a police raid and all the girls were lined up against the wall. Seeing the queue of girls waiting to be processed, the old lady's mind drifted back to the war years and she remembered the time when, if ever you saw a queue of people, there was something to be bought. Thinking the girls were queueing to buy something, she joined the end of the queue.

She waited awhile with nothing happening so she turned to the girl next to her and said, "What are we queueing for my dear?" The girl, who was having a bad day and none to impressed with being arrested replied sarcastically, "Oranges."

"Oh" says the lady, "I haven't had a nice orange in a long while. I'll wait a little longer."

Just then, the arresting officer walks along the line to take names and sees the old lady. He say to her "You're a little old for this aren't you Grandma?"

Grandma replies, "Well I might have lost all my teeth but I can still suck 'em."




....remember folks. It's the mind it goes into.... not the mouth it comes out of!!
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Old 10-06-2009, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Western Cary, NC
4,348 posts, read 7,335,163 times
Reputation: 7276
A friend sent this to me and I found it funny. Not sure why it was pulled from Youtube, but glad it came up on other nets.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/310592/

YouTube Pulls Atheist Video After Making Front Page of Digg.com

“This satirical infomercial, which had been on YouTube for months, was pulled by Youtube, who deemed it “inappropriate content,” only after it skyrocketed into the top three topics on digg.com and began accumulating tens of thousands of views. Upset by the censorship and implications, several youtube users have re-uploaded or ‘mirrored’ the video in protest. Watch it in full here:”
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:50 AM
 
Location: New York City
5,553 posts, read 7,973,084 times
Reputation: 1362
Watch it all to the very end! LOL....Hilarious!



YouTube - Family Guy - Roadrunner Dies
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Old 10-06-2009, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Valencia, Spain
16,155 posts, read 12,795,579 times
Reputation: 2879
Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneInDaMembrane View Post
Watch it all to the very end! LOL....Hilarious!

Aaahahahahahahahaha!!! Still wiping my eyes man! Thanks.
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Old 10-06-2009, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Brussels, Belgium
970 posts, read 1,696,256 times
Reputation: 236
It all makes sense now...


YouTube - SMBC Theater - Just a Theory

(Follow the link to see a larger version.)

Last edited by Roxolan; 10-06-2009 at 01:15 PM..
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Old 10-07-2009, 06:53 AM
 
776 posts, read 1,271,404 times
Reputation: 258
An atheist is tragically killed in a car accident. He wakes up in hell. Satan welcomes him, saying “Hello, You led a GREAT life and are just the kind of fellow I want down here.” “As a reward I am going to let you pick the room you spend eternity in.”

Satan takes him to the first of three rooms, an immense room with a polished marble floor. As far as the eye can see there are people straining to stand on their heads, feet dangling in the air, with only a tiny padded rug beneath their head to balance on. Assistant devils are walking among the people, whipping and beating them each time they fall. Everyone is red-faced and straining with the effort to stay upright. The atheist says, “No, I don’t want to spend eternity in this room.”

Next, Satan takes the man to an even larger room. Same thing as the first room, marble floor, people standing on their heads. Devils whipping those who fall. Except no one in the second room has the little padded rug underneath their head. Many of them are bleeding because of the hard marble floor. The atheist says, “This room is worse than the first one. I don’t want to spend eternity in this room either.”

The last room is much larger than the first two. People are sitting around, sipping coffee, chatting, and massaging each others shoulders with towels. Things don’t seem so bad, except the marble floor is covered with an inch of hog manure, giving the room a terrible stench. The atheist says, “Well, I guess I could get used to the terrible smell. I’ll stay here.”

Satan leaves the atheist with the lieutenant devil in charge of the room, “Now take good care of him.” The atheist, looking around at all the people chatting and drinking coffee, thinks, “Well, this isn’t really so bad after all.”

The lieutenant devil clears his throat as he steps up to a microphone behind a podium. “Okay everyone, your monthly break-time is over, now get back on your heads!”
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Old 10-07-2009, 08:38 AM
 
Location: S. Wales.
50,079 posts, read 20,492,491 times
Reputation: 5927
Quote:
Originally Posted by cncracer View Post
A friend sent this to me and I found it funny. Not sure why it was pulled from Youtube, but glad it came up on other nets.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/310592/

YouTube Pulls Atheist Video After Making Front Page of Digg.com

“This satirical infomercial, which had been on YouTube for months, was pulled by Youtube, who deemed it “inappropriate content,” only after it skyrocketed into the top three topics on digg.com and began accumulating tens of thousands of views. Upset by the censorship and implications, several youtube users have re-uploaded or ‘mirrored’ the video in protest. Watch it in full here:”
I have to say the funniest was the searing and vitriolic hatred of the subsequent remarks of the gaggle of religion -believing commentators.
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