Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A little boy is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying his eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"
The little boy turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."
The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"
Not sure if this one has been posted.. I can't read 40 pages of jokes to see:
Once there was a young boy who absolutely hated math. He refused to do his homework, so his grades were always low. His parents tried to get him help but the local public school was doing him no good, so they enrolled him in a Catholic school in hopes that he would do better.
When the boy came home from Catholic school he immediately went up to his room & didn't come out. He spent hours every day locked inside his room. He abandoned his Xbox & computer habits in favor of his books & homework. When his first progress report came, his math grades was an A, 98%. Dumbfounded, his father sat at his bedside that evening.
"So what's gotten you so interested in math? Is it the Brothers at the catholic school? Or do they have better curriculum? Why the sudden change?"
The boy thought for a second and said, "As soon as I walked into that place I knew they were serious about math. They have this guy nailed to a plus sign. I knew right away this place means business!"
If the Lord Jesus knew that one night each year a steady stream of unsaved children would come to His door asking for a treat, would He . . .
Run off to church and ignore them so He could fellowship with other believers? Stay home, but turn off the lights and hide back in the TV room? Use this once-a-year opportunity to share His love with these precious lost souls?
A priest and a rabbi were sitting at the food court of the local mall, when a cute 12 year-old boy walked by.
The priest says, "Hey Abe, let's go screw that kid!"
The rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rafius
-------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practise. -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
My brother-in-law who is a Baptist preacher messed up one day during prayer requests and says to "...remember Mr. [So-n-So]. He has a ruptured dick and is in a lot of pain". I'll say!
Looks like you had better be careful whose lap you sit on this Xmas.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Run off to church and ignore them so He could fellowship with other believers?
Stay home, but turn off the lights and hide back in the TV room?
Use this once-a-year opportunity to share His love with these precious lost souls?
Ooops!
