Atheist Forum Joke Thread (animals, Jesus, Mormons, preaching)

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[eloy]

[Mercury Cougar]

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs1386.snc4/163816_154466927935952_100001179373915_285679_3555 472_n.jpg (broken link)

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[Nozzferrahhtoo]

A couple of Christians engaged in preaching through the “alpha course” where I used to work got offended when I attended and made a little joke about something. They took a “how would you feel about atheist jokes” approach and then told the following in the hope of somehow offending me…

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AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees, powerful rivers. beautiful animals” He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him and a 7-foot grizzly bear charged towards him.

'Oh my God!' he cried and at that Time Stopped and everything froze and a voice said 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident and you expect my help now?'

The atheist replied, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
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However far from being offended I answered: Silly atheist. He should have specified _which_ of the 33820* forms of Christianity to turn the bear into. If he had specified Mormons for example they eat meat sparingly so he would have been in with a good chance at least. If he had said Amish the bear might have been compelled to wander off looking for gravy first.

Or maybe even another kind of nutter like the Ugandan "Ten Commandments of God" sect. The bear would have just wandered off into a hut and burned the place down around him then. Not before getting his wife and kids into the hut first however! So the man would have been ok!

Not to say that any of the Christians here are nutters of course. Lord no. Just the other 33819 denominations who clearly have it wrong. You guys are on the money clearly.

Needless to say they did not invite me back and did not see the funny side. Guess they would have preferred if I had got angry and offended rather than having a funny, yet entirely accurate, retort that showed I knew more about some areas of Christianity than they did.

*World Christian Encyclopedia (year 2000 version)

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