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I'm being pressured by my grandma on my father's side to convert to Christianity again. First she started by asking me to remove all reference's on my facebook about me being an atheist, then she started going on about how she really wants me in heaven with her when, I told her that the simple fact was I just don't believe in a god and then I asked her to stop trying to change me. The conversation ended abruptly after that and it's left me feeling down.
I get along with my grandma perfectly so long as we don't talk about religion but lately she is become more and more overbearing and I just don't know how to deal with it in a manner that wont severely hurt our relationship.
I'm being pressured by my grandma on my father's side to convert to Christianity again. First she started by asking me to remove all reference's on my facebook about me being an atheist, then she started going on about how she really wants me in heaven with her when, I told her that the simple fact was I just don't believe in a god and then I asked her to stop trying to change me. The conversation ended abruptly after that and it's left me feeling down.
I get along with my grandma perfectly so long as we don't talk about religion but lately she is become more and more overbearing and I just don't know how to deal with it in a manner that wont severely hurt our relationship.
Hmmmm.... This is tough. Try not to be to smug or derisive but ask her if it would be any different if you were Jewish, Muslim, or Baha'i. After all, she wants you to be in heaven; not believing in God is basically the same thing as worshipping a different one, no?
Hmmmm.... This is tough. Try not to be to smug or derisive but ask her if it would be any different if you were Jewish, Muslim, or Baha'i. After all, she wants you to be in heaven; not believing in God is basically the same thing as worshipping a different one, no?
Well I do get the feeling that it's just because of the term atheist. She just seems more lenient to other monotheistic denominations
Well I do get the feeling that it's just because of the term atheist. She just seems more lenient to other monotheistic denominations
Yeah, that's kind of the point. Why be lenient towards monotheistic religions if you're claiming that Christianity is the only way? The term Atheist often freaks everyone out but they don't see it from the perspective of if you believed in an entirely different God altogether. To them it shouldn't matter if you're an Atheist or a Jew or a Muslim or even a Zeusist, by the standards they set, a belief in a different God should be just as condemning as a non-belief.
At the risk of having stones thrown at me, I'd be inclined to wonder what purpose it serves to have your grandmother know the truth about your atheism. Now before everyone gets up in arms with June, whereby everyone reacts by going: here is the rule of thumb June has always tended to utilize in raising "little June" (who is only 21) particularly around "all things Grandmother related."
In the event that telling his elderly grandmother the truth about any certain situation or detail, the rule of thumb is this: If her knowing the truth is going to hurt her, then don't tell. June is not exactly saying that either little June or you should lie, as June most certainly does not condone lying. However, in the case of an elderly grandma, where it would no doubt give her so much happiness and reasurrance thinking that she will be seeing you in heaven one day upon her demise, June tends to "look the other way" on that sort of thing. --June's not so sure she sees emmense harm in letting grandma believe that.
Because grandmothers are old, grandmothers are sweet, grandmothers adore their grandchildren, and most of all: Grandmothers deserve peace.
But June also realizes that every case is different. And to be perfectly honest, June isn't exactly sure whether or not little June has ever told his grandmother that he's a "little heathen" just like his mother!
At the risk of having stones thrown at me, I'd be inclined to wonder what purpose it serves to have your grandmother know the truth about your atheism. Now before everyone gets up in arms with June, whereby everyone reacts by going: here is the rule of thumb June has always tended to utilize in raising "little June" (who is only 21) particularly around "all things Grandmother related."
In the event that telling his elderly grandmother the truth about any certain situation or detail, the rule of thumb is this: If her knowing the truth is going to hurt her, then don't tell. June is not exactly saying that either little June or you should lie, as June most certainly does not condone lying. However, in the case of an elderly grandma, where it would no doubt give her so much happiness and reasurrance thinking that she will be seeing you in heaven one day upon her demise, June tends to "look the other way" on that sort of thing. --June's not so sure she sees emmense harm in letting grandma believe that.
Because grandmothers are old, grandmothers are sweet, grandmothers adore their grandchildren, and most of all: Grandmothers deserve peace.
But June also realizes that every case is different. And to be perfectly honest, June isn't exactly sure whether or not little June has ever told his grandmother that he's a "little heathen" just like his mother!
Take gentle truthful care.
I tend to agree with you, June, but I think his grandmother already knows of his wicked ways??? I'm pretty sure, at least. Or are you just saying that coos could feign conversion for his grandmother? Because I think that he mentioned he has some stuff on his facebook page that says he is an Atheist and I guess his grandmother looks at his facebook account. So, should he cease and desist any and all speak of being an Atheist on matters such as that so his grandmother doesn't find out or should he just tell her that he converted?
I guess I'm asking because I know I have to head up to my grandmother's house for what will probably be my last visit. She may (or may not) ask me to pray for her as I really don't know what she believes. I don't have any problems with telling her that I will do that but if she was looking at my City-Data posts and asking me to change my ways... What would I do then? I think there's an element that says it's alright to tell Grandma that you're a believer but there's also a boundary in that you shouldn't have to change your entire life and what you say or think around that either...
Now, such as is my case with my grandmother not reading my City-Data stuff, I don't really have any qualms about making the kind gesture. I'm just trying to make a fairly equal comparison.
At the risk of having stones thrown at me, I'd be inclined to wonder what purpose it serves to have your grandmother know the truth about your atheism. Now before everyone gets up in arms with June, whereby everyone reacts by going: here is the rule of thumb June has always tended to utilize in raising "little June" (who is only 21) particularly around "all things Grandmother related."
In the event that telling his elderly grandmother the truth about any certain situation or detail, the rule of thumb is this: If her knowing the truth is going to hurt her, then don't tell. June is not exactly saying that either little June or you should lie, as June most certainly does not condone lying. However, in the case of an elderly grandma, where it would no doubt give her so much happiness and reasurrance thinking that she will be seeing you in heaven one day upon her demise, June tends to "look the other way" on that sort of thing. --June's not so sure she sees emmense harm in letting grandma believe that.
Because grandmothers are old, grandmothers are sweet, grandmothers adore their grandchildren, and most of all: Grandmothers deserve peace.
But June also realizes that every case is different. And to be perfectly honest, June isn't exactly sure whether or not little June has ever told his grandmother that he's a "little heathen" just like his mother!
Take gentle truthful care.
I would agree with June7 if the religious issue was not already known by all parties, but here we have the Grandmother already knowing, so those cows have left the barn already. This requires the position of being who you are or giving in to something you don’t accept. I favor accepting my own personal identity rather than one being forced on me to make someone else feel good about their myths. I think it is healthier to be yourself than being something your not.
I personally think when a person is an adult and is dealing with adults the decision on religion is theirs and theirs alone. Adults who pressure them on issues, regardless of age, should be prepared to hear the objections and the reasons why a person made the non religious choices. That choice needs to be respected.
In many experiences Grandmothers are not always sweet; they can be just as controlling and cruel as any other person trying to control other people. In my life I was lucky to have two great grandmothers, as well as great parents, but in my daughters situation she has one Grandmother who is truly the worst person I have ever known. Age has only made her worst, and driven her children and family away from her. The issue is her desire to control and she will use any method including religion, threats, violence, and harassment to accomplish that goal. Age is not a "get respect free card"; respect is earned regardless of age.
No stones June7, just the way I feel on respect and age.
In many experiences Grandmothers are not always sweet; they can be just as controlling and cruel as any other person trying to control other people. In my life I was lucky to have two great grandmothers, as well as great parents, but in my daughters situation she has one Grandmother who is truly the worst person I have ever known. Age has only made her worst, and driven her children and family away from her. The issue is her desire to control and she will use any method including religion, threats, violence, and harassment to accomplish that goal. Age is not a "get respect free card"; respect is earned regardless of age.
Well, I don't think coos is saying his grandmother is this horribly wretched old woman. I think his thing is that she is concerned over his facebook account and his admission of Atheism both on the internet and I suppose to her. On one hand, I think if Grandma and Coos were sitting around and she asked what he believed and he said "I'm an Atheist" and she freaked out and told him a whole bunch of stuff about the Bible then he could just say "You know, Grandma, you're right, I never looked at it that way before." It would satiate her even if he had to swallow his own pride. But, then there's the issue of not only his admission of Atheism to her but also his openness about it on the internet which she apparently reads. Now, I'm not sure just how open he is on the internet about it or how much she has read or been told by him but there are some things that make it a little more difficult to change to just "pull one over" on Grandma. It's one thing to flip-flop in mere conversation but another thing to change your personal outlets within society for Grandma, no?
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Doesn't that depend on the denomination?
here is the rule of thumb June has always tended to utilize in raising "little June" (who is only 21) particularly around "all things Grandmother related."
