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This is lenghty but please take the time to read it.
I attended a memorial service this past Thursday for a friend of my mother's who died very unexpectadly last week. First off I want to say that while this woman was a very close family friend that the problems I had with her memorial service don't reflect upon her and her accomplishments she did before she died.
This woman, Teresa, died at only 40 years old leaving behind a 12 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. She spent most of her life dealing and using drugs and caught up in all of the other things that go along with that habit. 5 years ago during a suicide attempt she started a 180 on her life and lived clean and maintained a job and got her kids back in her life. This started when she became a Christian.
As you would expect she said her faith was the reason she got her life back on track and if that's what it takes to keep you off drugs and have a stable life than more power to you. It works for some people and you can't argue with results. Her memorial service was the first memorial/funeral I've been to since becoming an active non-believer and seeing the whole christian process of handling death was very alarming with my new perspective.
-The main thing that angered me which was repeated throughout the service was her pastor saying "We don't know why God called Teresa home. We'll never understand the plans God has and why he chose to take Teresa at this time."
I've heard that over the years but now hearing it as an atheist it was insulting to the intelligence of mankind. Teresa was grossly obese and years of heavy drug use had taken it's toll on her body. She was not a well person but somehow it's a mystery to christians that she would die so young. Working in the insurance industry myself if she would have been put through underwriting it would be very obvious to us that she would not live a long life. There is nothing mysterious or unexplained about it. She was the victim of her previous bad choices and poor health.
- The pastor was going on about the "god's plan" BS and he kept saying to her 2 young children that "you don't need to be sad. Your mom is in a better place in heaven with Jesus". Now telling kids things is dependant upon what they can handle but to just outright lie to them like that made me mad. These kids lost their mother at a young age and will go most of their lives not knowing her. The pastor then went on to say that we would all see her again in heaven and then came the worst part of the service.
Using her life story as a recruitment tool to christianity.
- The word memorial is based from the word memory. For Teresa's memorial service we should be honoring and celebrating Teresa, but no such luck with the big ham god in the room. Certain people got up and told stories of Teresa only briefly mentioning her then launching into a seemingly rehearsed speech of how "god did this" and "god did that" by using Teresa. It was all very impersonal and mostly about how god used Teresa to accomplish his own agenda. No family members spoke, only religious leaders and one lady who was using her service as a fundraiser for the big local homeless shelter in town. The whole "memorial service" was building towards how great god was and how "Teresa would want you all to serve god and follow his plan for your life".
***
The service got me thinking about a lot of things. Losing someone is a very vulnerable time in anyones life. I don't look forward to the day when I will lose someone I love dearly but I know it will happen and it could happen anyday. I felt sad for these grieving people who were hurt by the sudden loss of their sister. I also see how in times like this it's comforting to think that your loved one is in a better place and free from the troubles of living. It reminded me of when I too was a believer and felt that if I lived my life according to god's will that I would be in heaven with god and all my loved ones to. You have to admit it's a nice way to end things.
But alas it's not real. Death is the end of perception. No sight, smell, taste, touch or sound. It is the begining of rotting in an overpriced pine box.
Throughout the service the message was one of "live your life according to god's plan and you'll get to heaven." I agree with living my life to a plan but it will be my plan. I feel for believers as they are the ones who will never truly live. They do their best to live up to an unreal standard of life, often falling into the darker trappings of religion. Alienation from the world, self righteousness, advocating the better dogma, and personal unfulfillment. They should be focusing on the brighter sides of their faiths like loving one another as yourself and doing unto others, etc... However it's false to think the feelings of goodwill towards others and other morality are mandated by a god.
For all the anger I felt towards religion in Teresa's service I felt glad that I was no longer bound to the trappings of religion and that I will be freer to live life how I want and enjoy my one life I have to live instead pining for something better in an afterlife based on my ability to follow orders.
So even though this subject is about death I just wanted to take the time to share that we who see beyond the ancient invisible force of suppresion of free will, are the ones who will really truly know what it means to live.
Now I'm not looking forward to convincing my brothers to give my mom a non-christian funeral service. I'm only 22 but this has already got me planning my funeral out in case I go young. I will not be used as a recruitment tool for a god in my death.
What are some of your guy's thoughts on death and your own way you would like to be remembered.
Good question...if I were to go young (i'm 26 now), I think I'd allow for a Christian service as my mother and most of my family are Christian. I don't want to make it harder on these people by having a service where someone stands up and says "Well, he's gone for good and we'll never see him again".
I'll be dead and won't know the difference, so whatever mechanism helps family cope would be fine with me.
This is lenghty but please take the time to read it.
I attended a memorial service this past Thursday for a friend of my mother's who died very unexpectadly last week. First off I want to say that while this woman was a very close family friend that the problems I had with her memorial service don't reflect upon her and her accomplishments she did before she died.
This woman, Teresa, died at only 40 years old leaving behind a 12 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. She spent most of her life dealing and using drugs and caught up in all of the other things that go along with that habit. 5 years ago during a suicide attempt she started a 180 on her life and lived clean and maintained a job and got her kids back in her life. This started when she became a Christian.
As you would expect she said her faith was the reason she got her life back on track and if that's what it takes to keep you off drugs and have a stable life than more power to you. It works for some people and you can't argue with results. Her memorial service was the first memorial/funeral I've been to since becoming an active non-believer and seeing the whole christian process of handling death was very alarming with my new perspective.
-The main thing that angered me which was repeated throughout the service was her pastor saying "We don't know why God called Teresa home. We'll never understand the plans God has and why he chose to take Teresa at this time."
I've heard that over the years but now hearing it as an atheist it was insulting to the intelligence of mankind. Teresa was grossly obese and years of heavy drug use had taken it's toll on her body. She was not a well person but somehow it's a mystery to christians that she would die so young. Working in the insurance industry myself if she would have been put through underwriting it would be very obvious to us that she would not live a long life. There is nothing mysterious or unexplained about it. She was the victim of her previous bad choices and poor health.
- The pastor was going on about the "god's plan" BS and he kept saying to her 2 young children that "you don't need to be sad. Your mom is in a better place in heaven with Jesus". Now telling kids things is dependant upon what they can handle but to just outright lie to them like that made me mad. These kids lost their mother at a young age and will go most of their lives not knowing her. The pastor then went on to say that we would all see her again in heaven and then came the worst part of the service.
Using her life story as a recruitment tool to christianity.
- The word memorial is based from the word memory. For Teresa's memorial service we should be honoring and celebrating Teresa, but no such luck with the big ham god in the room. Certain people got up and told stories of Teresa only briefly mentioning her then launching into a seemingly rehearsed speech of how "god did this" and "god did that" by using Teresa. It was all very impersonal and mostly about how god used Teresa to accomplish his own agenda. No family members spoke, only religious leaders and one lady who was using her service as a fundraiser for the big local homeless shelter in town. The whole "memorial service" was building towards how great god was and how "Teresa would want you all to serve god and follow his plan for your life".
***
The service got me thinking about a lot of things. Losing someone is a very vulnerable time in anyones life. I don't look forward to the day when I will lose someone I love dearly but I know it will happen and it could happen anyday. I felt sad for these grieving people who were hurt by the sudden loss of their sister. I also see how in times like this it's comforting to think that your loved one is in a better place and free from the troubles of living. It reminded me of when I too was a believer and felt that if I lived my life according to god's will that I would be in heaven with god and all my loved ones to. You have to admit it's a nice way to end things.
But alas it's not real. Death is the end of perception. No sight, smell, taste, touch or sound. It is the begining of rotting in an overpriced pine box.
Throughout the service the message was one of "live your life according to god's plan and you'll get to heaven." I agree with living my life to a plan but it will be my plan. I feel for believers as they are the ones who will never truly live. They do their best to live up to an unreal standard of life, often falling into the darker trappings of religion. Alienation from the world, self righteousness, advocating the better dogma, and personal unfulfillment. They should be focusing on the brighter sides of their faiths like loving one another as yourself and doing unto others, etc... However it's false to think the feelings of goodwill towards others and other morality are mandated by a god.
For all the anger I felt towards religion in Teresa's service I felt glad that I was no longer bound to the trappings of religion and that I will be freer to live life how I want and enjoy my one life I have to live instead pining for something better in an afterlife based on my ability to follow orders.
So even though this subject is about death I just wanted to take the time to share that we who see beyond the ancient invisible force of suppresion of free will, are the ones who will really truly know what it means to live.
Now I'm not looking forward to convincing my brothers to give my mom a non-christian funeral service. I'm only 22 but this has already got me planning my funeral out in case I go young. I will not be used as a recruitment tool for a god in my death.
What are some of your guy's thoughts on death and your own way you would like to be remembered.
Very interesting and thoughtful post DTO....reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by Thomas Jefferson
"Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote
from the truth who believes nothing, then he who believes
what is a wrong."
I try to live by that quote as much as possible. To me that quote means that if you think strongly, but don't know without any shadow of a doubt that something is true, keep an open mind at the very least and don't lock your mind up by declining any contrary evidence you may come across.
I personally "believe" that there is a spirtual dimension to all of us. I feel there are things going on all around us that we are not aware of and that there are "beings" that assist us if we allow them the opportunity to do so. We all believe some things on faith...and faith is just that...faith. If you have proof of something you need no faith to believe it. So by the very definition of faith, those who believe in gods plan for their life can't really know that this is how things are run. I personally believe that we should live our own life, have our own experiences and march to our own drummer. To me that is what experiencing life is all about.
At my funneral, I would like my life to be celebrated. I hope people will get up and tell funny stories about some of the ways I made them laugh. Some of the quirky things I did that made them shake their heads. Maybe I taught them some lessons here or there. The last thing I want or the audience needs is to cry over my demise. Yes there will be tears from those who loved me...after all we are human and have emotions. Those emotions are fine....but I want a celebration.
I think if religious service helps people to cope with a death of a loved one, who are we to say or judge? As long as they believe into "afterlife" it would be easier for them to deal with death. Yes, it is a wishful thinking, it is so wishful to actually never "die" and be alive somewhere else, that it keeps them to go on. Death is sad, it's a reality, it's there and we can't avoid it. No matter what Christian believes are, we're going to the same place: underground.
I wouldn't know what will happen after i die, nor will i care, i'll be dead! They can have any type of ceremony they want, it wont make a bit difference to me.
I am quite sure, that, over the years, I have given people plenty of ammunition for the type of "remembering" I would prefer. I would like for friends and family to gather and tell all of the funny stories they could remember about me, I have always been an active participant in my own life, buckling them swashes when practical. I have committed hi-jinks, mischeviousness, pranks, and opportunities for frivolity on at least four continents/maybe five- back in me drinkin' days I may not have always remembered my antics/same goes for back when I "experimented" with several psycho-active substances. I only abused those ingredients to which I had access. After the stories die down, char-broil my butt and take my ashes out on my last fishin' trip in the Ocean, and scatter me to the winds and water.
this is a very thoughtful post. i never understand all the 'god's plan' stuff, as we have free will and are free to make our choices for our life and not for what a "higher power' wants. i guess if the service helps people with the grieving process, then that's good. but overall, i think religion is a lot of other people telling you how to live your life and what morals to abide by, as you said, oppression. maybe one day more people will realize this.
Thanks. There are a lot of good points here. Especially from those of you with religious family that may be comforted with some sort of religious service.
A few days after the memorial service I wrote about, my mom did slip some sort of "Well you know...Jesus...forgiveness....choices...." shpeel into conversation. I just let it go. I know she's still convinced that her religion is right and according to her I'm going to burn in hell for being gay. Oh well. It's just a shame that she will let that strain our relationship.
I want my friends and children to have an all-out party when I die. Great food, great booze, great music...celebrate the fact that I was alive and I tried to make the most of it, damn it! Don't be sorry I'm gone, be happy that you knew me, and if you really feel the need to do something symbolic to remember me, then make a charitable donation to the Humane Society.
I would like that to except I'm usually the one always planning my parties amongst my friends. I'll have to leave very detailed instructions.
But of course, I agree! I'd have it all paid and planned ahead of time, and have everything booked in advance. After all, I wouldn't want to leave my most important party up to someone else...they might buy cheap booze instead of the good stuff, and serve cocktail weenies instead of foie gras.
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