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I need a little help here. I am in a pretty sad place right now, my mother is starting to lose her 14 year battle with cancer. She is a life-long Catholic, but she NEVER pushed her beliefs on me or ever made me feel small for being Athiest. I respect her and I will carry out all her wishes, however, with all the family and friends coming around all I hear ALL DAY LONG is christian talk. "God" "Faith" "spiritual" blah blah blah. It's almost harder to deal with all that than it is to deal with the cancer. My Mom is talking less about all that religious stuff, but the family is insane with this stuff. It's all gloom and doom. I want her feel good so I stay upbeat and positive, but the Catholics long faces and gloomful attitudes are pizzing me off.
Anyone go through similar circumstance? How do I deal with this besides snapping on people?
I'd find out what the burial practices are for her beliefs and do that. It would do honor to her one last time. What her friends think doesn't matter nor does it matter what your beliefs are. This isn't about you or them, its about the deceased.
I need a little help here. I am in a pretty sad place right now, my mother is starting to lose her 14 year battle with cancer. She is a life-long Catholic, but she NEVER pushed her beliefs on me or ever made me feel small for being Athiest. I respect her and I will carry out all her wishes, however, with all the family and friends coming around all I hear ALL DAY LONG is christian talk. "God" "Faith" "spiritual" blah blah blah. It's almost harder to deal with all that than it is to deal with the cancer. My Mom is talking less about all that religious stuff, but the family is insane with this stuff. It's all gloom and doom. I want her feel good so I stay upbeat and positive, but the Catholics long faces and gloomful attitudes are pizzing me off.
Anyone go through similar circumstance? How do I deal with this besides snapping on people?
Love your mom for who she is and if you find that it is too much to bear listening to others talk, tell them that you would prefer not to hear it. Your mother is going to a place that is fit for her and no preaching can make it better. It only adds to the pain.
Comfort her and reassure her that you will be alright as I'm sure she is worried about what will happen after she is gone. Read to her, give her happiness with memories. Share your greatest desires and give her hugs. If she can get out, take her for even a short walk. Let her feel the air and sun. Those are lasting gifts. Just be love.
My mom went through trials with lung cancer and a mastectomy. I'm in a different situation with her and if I loved her the way you love your mom, I would do those things. You mom would really appreciate it.
I need a little help here. I am in a pretty sad place right now, my mother is starting to lose her 14 year battle with cancer. She is a life-long Catholic, but she NEVER pushed her beliefs on me or ever made me feel small for being Athiest. I respect her and I will carry out all her wishes, however, with all the family and friends coming around all I hear ALL DAY LONG is christian talk. "God" "Faith" "spiritual" blah blah blah. It's almost harder to deal with all that than it is to deal with the cancer. My Mom is talking less about all that religious stuff, but the family is insane with this stuff. It's all gloom and doom. I want her feel good so I stay upbeat and positive, but the Catholics long faces and gloomful attitudes are pizzing me off.
Anyone go through similar circumstance? How do I deal with this besides snapping on people?
I'm sorry for your mom's illness. I'm sorry you're going through that. Cancer is a horrible disease. I'm truly sorry for your pain.
Maybe ask her about it? Ask her if she is ok with her friends/families discussing it. Make her comfortable--if it bothers her, step up and act on her behalf. If not, just grin and bear it. Enjoy the time you've got with her.
I'm also very sorry to hear about your situation. I know my Mother who is religious even has particular songs she would want to be played at her funeral and we'll make sure when that time comes that her wishes are respected. I would make every effort to just ignore the religious comments and try to concentrate on the remaining time you will have with your Mother. Her wishes are what is most important.
I am very sorry to hear you are going through this. I can't imagine being in that position with my own mother.
When my husband was dying of cancer, people were coming over, being gloomy and depressing, and sucking the joy out of my husband's final days.
I put a big sign on the front door that said:
Be here and be cheerful!
Life is too short to be gloomy.
Make it clear to people that this isn't about them, it is about your mother having peace and love in her final days.
Certain people wouldn't take the hint and had to be banned.
I am sure that the religious visitors care very much for your mother and are expressing their grief the only way they know how. Be patient with them as long as they aren't being depressing.
It is a hard time regardless of what you believe. I have always yielded to the wishes of the sick individual till after they are gone, and the funeral is over. I than go off and come to grips with the reality of the loss, box up all the mental abuse from the passing, and put as much distance as I can from those who need a god to deal with death. I think death of a friend or family member is always harder on the living. I try to remember that when dealing with the bible thumpers who seem to find some comfort in their god myth. It is the burden we have by being the logical adult in this hard time.
Wow, thank you all for your support!
As far as her religious beliefs, I ALWAYS respect them. I respect her wishes and as her power of attorney I will be sure that her wishes regarding church services will be carried out. It's not HER wishes that I have a problem with, it's more really just me trying to cope with so much church/god talk at this moment. My Mom could never do anything to ever upset me, I love her more than anything in the universe, but the family and friends who are visiting in droves and saying all these prayers is what's really hard for me to handle since I don't believe any of it and I see her slowly dying and suffering it's hard to accept people thanking this god of theirs.
Even my Mom is being drained by all of it. I just don't know how to handle my stress from this.
It would be nice to unload on all of them and tell them (WITHOUT MY MOM HEARING IT OF COURSE!) what I think, but I can't. I have to "keep it together" and be everyones shoulder, me, the non-believer.
Location: In the North Idaho woods, still surrounded by terriers
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I can only reiterate what others have said: If it helps your Mom and she enjoys the visits then it is your place to ignore how you feel about it. BUT, if it tires her or leaves her feeling drained or saddened then it is also your place to gently put a halt on all of it. Maybe just allow a select few in to visit? Those who are gentle in their approach? What may seem pushy or interfering on your part now will no doubt be greatly appreciated by your Mom.
When my adult son died unexpectedly his wife's family (deeply Christian lot) were like a flock of buzzards trying to console, to help, to make the grief all better with their words...but my daughter-in-law was not deeply religious, nor was my son, and all their well-meaning words did was make her feel guilty and more grief-stricken. I knew my son, what he would want and not want, and so as grief-stricken as I was myself, I stood up to the in-laws and religious friends and told them to back off. We had a simple celebration of his life, not a funeral, with a bon-fire and lots of silliness and memories and not one word about heaven or hell or a "better place". My daughter in law has thanked me repeatedly for this over the years...she was content knowing that Kris was remembered in the way HE would have wanted.
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