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I spanked my son once. After that, the threat of spanking cause behavioral changes that I desired.
Today, my son, whom I respect and love more than anything, has retired after 23 years in the military. Of those he served 13 on Delta force, and 5 in the Seals. He now has a MS in computer science and is working on a PhD. He wants to teach college.
Refusal to spank is bad. Spanking too much is bad. Spanking so it hurts is bad. Spaning with anything except your hand is bad.
Location: In the North Idaho woods, still surrounded by terriers
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It's another one of those Black & White questions...one needs to look at the shades of gray. Depends on the child, the "crime", and the spanking. A swat on the behind to get a kid's attention doesn't seem wrong to me if the act warrants it...but beating or slapping are, in my opinion, never okay. As far as a "time out"...personally I don't see it as even remotely imprisonment. I see it as a way to calm a child down and let them take a few minutes to regroup if they have gone hay-wire..tantrums, fights, etc. It's a way to break the anger,acting-out cycle without using violence.
I think alot of people blur the line between spanking and abuse. A spanking is a simple swat on the backside with an open palm. Slapping a child across the face, swarping a kid with a switch, or hitting with an object... that's abuse.
I'm not generally opposed to spankings, but I think they should be an absolute last resort. I've only ever had to spank either of my girls for really serious issues. I prefer stick with timeouts, privelege losses, etc instead of spankings. Sometimes, though, some kids need something a little stronger to get their attention and get them back in line.
I'm fortunate, though, that usually just a simple threat of a timeout can get my girls back to behaving properly. I truly lucked out with good kids.
In my post, I was not meaning to define spanking as a single swat, but as a series of swats intended to cause transient pain, but still done in a controlled way, e.g. something akin to a school paddling.
I know all of us have been in a grocery store or some other public place and witnessed a young child who pitches a fit, is screaming at the top of their lungs, and driving their parents crazy. I don't have children and have never had to deal with such a situation although as a child I've been told that I behaved in such a manner. If I wasn't screaming I was probably busy puking or wetting my pants so I can sympathize with the frustration my parents must have felt. Nevertheless, my parents never resorted to any sort of violence and I finally just outgrew that behavior. I get the feeling that many parents reach a breaking point as a child is going through these stages and they respond by spanking and slapping them which can get out of control and I believe it can lead to more serious psychological problems for the child.
I mentioned my brother and his son who has behavioral problems. They have four children but they make such an effort to do things with them and create that bond between a parent and child that I have no doubt that they'll overcome this particular problem. They're always sending me these photos of all of the various activities that they have with their kids. What I think it all boils down to is that your children need to trust you and never be afraid of you.
When I was a kid and acted up in public, and having been spanked before, the mere threat of another spanking was enough to make me calm down. I didn't turn out to be an ax murderer. When I got a spanking, I deserved it, and I knew it (although of course I didn't like it, which was the whole point).
When I was a kid and acted up in public, and having been spanked before, the mere threat of another spanking was enough to make me calm down. I didn't turn out to be an ax murderer. When I got a spanking, I deserved it, and I knew it (although of course I didn't like it, which was the whole point).
When I was a kid and misbehaved I got spanked, usually w/ a ruler or a coat hanger. My brother and I turned out ok, and we don't resent our parents for it at all.
Keep in mind that this practice is still common in East Asia, and there doesn't seem to be any large-scale problems resulting from it.
Obviously spanking that goes too far falls into the realm of child abuse.
As a child, I was spanked by my fundy mother. Her favorite tool was a thick branch. These lashings resulted in painful welts;I remember counting the welts, one day, and finally stopped at 200. Other times she used a paddle but had a hard time keeping them in stock; she usually broke them during the course of the 'spanking'. Of course, there was also the trusty belt; she made sure to 'spank' using the buckle.
She justified the beatings with scripture. I often wondered why a loving god would advocate beating a child. I guess, she beat the seeds of atheism into me at an early age.
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