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Old 06-08-2009, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Downtown Omaha
1,362 posts, read 4,201,518 times
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I'm looking for some advice. Me and my BF have been dating for a while and I'm quite happy with him. During this time though he's found out I'm an athiest and every so often it comes up. He thinks that my "pessimism and unhappiness" (which I call realism and logic) is because I "don't believe in anything". I've set him straight and told him I'm not a devil worshippers but I get annoyed having to explain why I don't believe.

It's not a deal breaker for the relationship. Sometimes I find it comical because we're a gay couple and he's talked to me more about my non-belief than my fundie family ever has. He's not an avid, church going believer but just one of the people who's never really thought about it and just assumes there is a god. Have any of you other athiests had to deal with this? I just tell him I don't believe and spare him the vitriol and me the headache of explaning it all.
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Old 06-08-2009, 10:14 AM
 
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As long as both of you are respectful of each others beliefs it shouldn't be a problem. Respectful of course does not mean he can't ask questions and explore what you believe. And you should be willing to share, as well. There's some pretty extensive trust that goes into that exchange, but it can be well worth it.
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Old 06-08-2009, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Indianapolis
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. He's agnostic and I'm a Divine Love Christian. When the subject comes up, we share our thoughts and then let it go. It isn't important to hold the relationship together. Relationships should be based on love and nothing else. If there is friction, explain your views and why and listen to his as well. There will be a happy medium for hte both of you, you just have to find it.
Never ever argue about it because it isn't worth it.
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Downtown Omaha
1,362 posts, read 4,201,518 times
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I never bring it up with him because I don't care. He's not an active believer so I don't think about it. He's tried talking me into going to a mass to and I've refused. Should I maybe rethink my stance on that or not?
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:24 AM
 
4,669 posts, read 4,095,226 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTO Luv View Post
I'm looking for some advice. Me and my BF have been dating for a while and I'm quite happy with him. During this time though he's found out I'm an athiest and every so often it comes up. He thinks that my "pessimism and unhappiness" (which I call realism and logic) is because I "don't believe in anything". I've set him straight and told him I'm not a devil worshippers but I get annoyed having to explain why I don't believe.

It's not a deal breaker for the relationship. Sometimes I find it comical because we're a gay couple and he's talked to me more about my non-belief than my fundie family ever has. He's not an avid, church going believer but just one of the people who's never really thought about it and just assumes there is a god. Have any of you other athiests had to deal with this? I just tell him I don't believe and spare him the vitriol and me the headache of explaning it all.

What church does he go to that would teach him unbelief is wrong but gay is ok? I don't mean to condemn...but honestly...most churches that take a stand on unbelief tend to also take a stand on homosexuality as sinful.

Last edited by kdbrich; 06-08-2009 at 11:34 AM..
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Downtown Omaha
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He doesn't go to church. That's why I find it somewhat bothersome that he harps on my atheism.
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by DTO Luv View Post
He doesn't go to church. That's why I find it somewhat bothersome that he harps on my atheism.

I'm sorry....didn't see the word "not" in front of "an avid churchgoer". That makes a huge difference in understanding the statement.
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Old 06-08-2009, 01:44 PM
 
Location: Indianapolis
4,325 posts, read 5,264,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTO Luv View Post
I never bring it up with him because I don't care. He's not an active believer so I don't think about it. He's tried talking me into going to a mass to and I've refused. Should I maybe rethink my stance on that or not?
God is not religious. God is love. As long as you can both agree on love and what it's about, there should be no reason to bring religion into a relationship.
If you can both be in the moment, give to others, smile at someone who is in need of one, laugh together and with others, find peace within each other, see yourselves as love, give comfort and everything else that is good, then you will have solid ground for both views. It isn't about what religion or what book. It's about love. That's all that's important.
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Old 06-08-2009, 02:41 PM
 
2,893 posts, read 5,292,869 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DTO Luv View Post
I never bring it up with him because I don't care. He's not an active believer so I don't think about it. He's tried talking me into going to a mass to and I've refused. Should I maybe rethink my stance on that or not?
It can't hurt you, and could go a long way to showing that you are willing to listen and accept him as much as you want him to listen and accept you.

The only warning I have is, don't get sucked into a debate on theology or religious minutia. Just go and listen and when he asks if it changed your mind, you say "no".

From there, you will see where it goes. Either he accepts that, and appreciates you willing to listen, or it will escalate into greater attempts to convert you. Either way, you will have a greater idea of what he intends and his true feelings about non-believers.
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Old 06-08-2009, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Bellingham, WA
9,745 posts, read 14,193,918 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scarmig View Post
As long as both of you are respectful of each others beliefs it shouldn't be a problem. Respectful of course does not mean he can't ask questions and explore what you believe. And you should be willing to share, as well. There's some pretty extensive trust that goes into that exchange, but it can be well worth it.
+1 This goes for politics and religion. Sometimes it's easy for us to fall into the mindset that anyone who's opinion is different from ours is an idiot. This is a very foolish way of thinking, yet we've all done it at some point or another. It's not a big deal when we're arguing with each other on an internet message board, but in a loving relationship it's a huge deal, and a way of thinking that should be avoided.
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