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This past Sunday my mother asked me to come to church to take pictures of my brother for some recognition he was getting from the church. If I had my own transportation I would have left after taking the pictures but this wasn't possible so I had to stay for the whole service. At first I was irritated at the prospect that I would have to sit through an hours long fundie pentacostal church service but then I thought it might be interesting to hear the sermon with new, critical thinking.
Let me give you some background first. This is a long topic and you can skip the text in italics as it's not super crucial to the story but may help you understand better where I'm coming from. Feel free to skip back to regular text if you're not much of a reader.
I previously belonged to this church for many years growing up and was very involved. I was a cell group worship leader and even interned at the church for one summer. I had many friends there and was well known but I left once I moved out of my mom's house at 17 and wasn't forced to go anymore. Plus I was struggling with my sexuality so even though I was in the church I felt like a sinner all the time. Once I told people in the church everyone was trying to get me into counseling and telling me to find a girl to marry (at 17 mind you). After a few more years of anguishing over the guilt trip from religion on my sexuality I finally broke through my brianwashing and realized it was all nonsense and illogical and have been solidly athiest ever since. Oh happy day.
Now I may have left the church but my family was still very, VERY involved in it. My mother interpereted for the deaf people, my younger brothers are both very involved in the youth group. One was the worship leader and a cell group leader studying to become a pastor and the other was involved in the lighting/AV aspects of the services and is now wasting his time...I mean interning at the church for a year. Hence why I had to be there at church that day to photograph him on the pulpit.
There were many people that recognized me and still knew me through my family going there. My brothers wife's siblings were all shocked to see me there. They know I'm gay and not a believer so needless to say they were wide eyed seeing me in church. I guess waiting for the lightning to strike. Before the service I talked my brothers. My brother who wants to be a pastor said today was communion and he told me, I quote, "If I were you I wouldn't take communion lest ye be cursed." Then walked off. It was like out of a movie. Very creepy.
Service started and they began their pointless praise and worship. Luckily my landlord called just then so I got to get out for a bit but it was just sad seeing these people, especially my mother, waving their arms to the sky and singing and chanting in hopes of pleasing some invisible omnipotent man in the sky. The music was upbeat but the lyrics were so depressing. It was all about how useless your own logic was and how you couldn't even wipe your ass without god's help somehow. I couldn't believe how much I was the same way with trying to get rid of my own desires and hoping that if I gave into the will of god that there would somehow be a miraculous change in my life for whatever it was I was wanting god to do.
Then came the offering. I actually got mad after the bemusement praise and worship offered. The pastor got up there and said how great it was to give and then be blessed by god for giving. Honestly it didn't even sound that fleecing if you're brainwashed but I keep going back to what George Carlin said. "There's an all powerful, all knowing man in the sky...and he needs your money!" One thing I thought of a few weeks ago after a battle of ideologies with my mom was that christians see no problem paying a galactic pimp %10 of their money to be their ruler, provider, healer, protector, BUT the same people complain about taxes to the government for the same services more than anyone. But that's another topic...
So after the fleecing came the communion. The pastor reminded everyone that it was only for believers (and if you know the bible you do know there's a "curse" that comes along with it if you don't partake with Jesus in your heart. Whatever). It was at this point I realized a bunch of people were sitting there crying with their arms lifted up, my mother especially, again, probably asking forgiveness of whatever they felt guilty of. It sickens me to think that so many people assume the worst about themselves because christianity tells them to. It's such an oppressive religion that tells you you're hellbound dog sh*t and you need to be saved from your own natural impulses and desires. That was one of my biggest hangups when I tried to be a believer was how negatively I thought about myself and just people in general.
Then came the sermon which was actually preached by the pastors wife. This was gold.
It's way too long to get into details but she gave this TERRIBLE object lesson FULL of wholes. She made numerous "If' statements and presented them as facts that she had no way of backing up. I was stunned. I thought surely no one could be this out right stupid to not see the flaws in her sermons logic. Not even the theological ones but her secular points made no sense either. Surely no one could buy this could they?
Wrong.
Her faulty logic and weak arguments were met with shouts of "Praise Jesus!" "Hallelujah!" "Amen!" and applause. It was like watching Sarah Palin give a speech and seeing it lapped up by her brainless neo con fans.
The one nice thing about going to church was that it reaffirmed that I've made the right choice in life and if I ever feel like I need a reason to even more prove their is no god I'll just go to church.
Have any of you ex-believers had similar experiences going back to church and finding it to be lunacy?
Oh yeah. Went to a Pentecostal church, essentially on a dare from a girl that I liked. What she didn't tell me is that it was a *revival* weekend.
At least three hundred people there, probably more, but I don't trust my memory on that count. This very loud and charismatic black preacher. They hooting and hollering and speaking in tongues. And throughout the entire sermon, the preacher, out of all those people yelling and screaming, spotted me in the audience not buying a word of it.
At one point, I turned around, and there was an old man sitting next to his very enthusiastic wife who was standing and jumping and screaming. And he and I shared at "this is such bull" moment.
After three hours of this, the sermon ended and the preacher made a bee-line for me. He asked a couple of very easy "why don't you believe" questions, which I easily countered. Then, as a crowd started to form around us, he said, "You're a very intelligent young man and I wish you well," then turned and walked away without another word.
And yes, it completely confirmed my lack of faith.
Yes. Well, it's all round me. But I...help with a choir at times. The music is as you say, upbeat, though I can hear the constructional weaknesses in it and long to rewrite their bass line.
But the sheer circular argumentation of the lyics is fit to sicken
"Jesus is real. Halellujiah!! How do I know he's real? Because I feel it, I FEEL it. Inside. Inside me, yeah Halellujiah. That's how I know...
He..... Is....REeeeeeaaal!!" (Drum and piano flourish)
Yes. Well, it's all round me. But I...help with a choir at times. The music is as you say, upbeat, though I can hear the constructional weaknesses in it and long to rewrite their bass line.
But the sheer circular argumentation of the lyics is fit to sicken
"Jesus is real. Halellujiah!! How do I know he's real? Because I feel it, I FEEL it. Inside. Inside me, yeah Halellujiah. That's how I know...
He..... Is....REeeeeeaaal!!" (Drum and piano flourish)
One of the things I actually used to like about going to church was being able to play music. I even did it for the kids church with my best friend at the time and it was a blast. Then I started getting flack from leaders about worship leaders who's turned their gifts against god just like you know who....
(It's the devil for those of you fortunate enough not to have been brought up on christian myths.)
This past Sunday my mother asked me to come to church to take pictures of my brother for some recognition he was getting from the church. If I had my own transportation I would have left after taking the pictures but this wasn't possible so I had to stay for the whole service. At first I was irritated at the prospect that I would have to sit through an hours long fundie pentacostal church service but then I thought it might be interesting to hear the sermon with new, critical thinking.
Let me give you some background first. This is a long topic and you can skip the text in italics as it's not super crucial to the story but may help you understand better where I'm coming from. Feel free to skip back to regular text if you're not much of a reader.
I previously belonged to this church for many years growing up and was very involved. I was a cell group worship leader and even interned at the church for one summer. I had many friends there and was well known but I left once I moved out of my mom's house at 17 and wasn't forced to go anymore. Plus I was struggling with my sexuality so even though I was in the church I felt like a sinner all the time. Once I told people in the church everyone was trying to get me into counseling and telling me to find a girl to marry (at 17 mind you). After a few more years of anguishing over the guilt trip from religion on my sexuality I finally broke through my brianwashing and realized it was all nonsense and illogical and have been solidly athiest ever since. Oh happy day.
Now I may have left the church but my family was still very, VERY involved in it. My mother interpereted for the deaf people, my younger brothers are both very involved in the youth group. One was the worship leader and a cell group leader studying to become a pastor and the other was involved in the lighting/AV aspects of the services and is now wasting his time...I mean interning at the church for a year. Hence why I had to be there at church that day to photograph him on the pulpit.
There were many people that recognized me and still knew me through my family going there. My brothers wife's siblings were all shocked to see me there. They know I'm gay and not a believer so needless to say they were wide eyed seeing me in church. I guess waiting for the lightning to strike. Before the service I talked my brothers. My brother who wants to be a pastor said today was communion and he told me, I quote, "If I were you I wouldn't take communion lest ye be cursed." Then walked off. It was like out of a movie. Very creepy.
Service started and they began their pointless praise and worship. Luckily my landlord called just then so I got to get out for a bit but it was just sad seeing these people, especially my mother, waving their arms to the sky and singing and chanting in hopes of pleasing some invisible omnipotent man in the sky. The music was upbeat but the lyrics were so depressing. It was all about how useless your own logic was and how you couldn't even wipe your ass without god's help somehow. I couldn't believe how much I was the same way with trying to get rid of my own desires and hoping that if I gave into the will of god that there would somehow be a miraculous change in my life for whatever it was I was wanting god to do.
Then came the offering. I actually got mad after the bemusement praise and worship offered. The pastor got up there and said how great it was to give and then be blessed by god for giving. Honestly it didn't even sound that fleecing if you're brainwashed but I keep going back to what George Carlin said. "There's an all powerful, all knowing man in the sky...and he needs your money!" One thing I thought of a few weeks ago after a battle of ideologies with my mom was that christians see no problem paying a galactic pimp %10 of their money to be their ruler, provider, healer, protector, BUT the same people complain about taxes to the government for the same services more than anyone. But that's another topic...
So after the fleecing came the communion. The pastor reminded everyone that it was only for believers (and if you know the bible you do know there's a "curse" that comes along with it if you don't partake with Jesus in your heart. Whatever). It was at this point I realized a bunch of people were sitting there crying with their arms lifted up, my mother especially, again, probably asking forgiveness of whatever they felt guilty of. It sickens me to think that so many people assume the worst about themselves because christianity tells them to. It's such an oppressive religion that tells you you're hellbound dog sh*t and you need to be saved from your own natural impulses and desires. That was one of my biggest hangups when I tried to be a believer was how negatively I thought about myself and just people in general.
Then came the sermon which was actually preached by the pastors wife. This was gold.
It's way too long to get into details but she gave this TERRIBLE object lesson FULL of wholes. She made numerous "If' statements and presented them as facts that she had no way of backing up. I was stunned. I thought surely no one could be this out right stupid to not see the flaws in her sermons logic. Not even the theological ones but her secular points made no sense either. Surely no one could buy this could they?
Wrong.
Her faulty logic and weak arguments were met with shouts of "Praise Jesus!" "Hallelujah!" "Amen!" and applause. It was like watching Sarah Palin give a speech and seeing it lapped up by her brainless neo con fans.
The one nice thing about going to church was that it reaffirmed that I've made the right choice in life and if I ever feel like I need a reason to even more prove their is no god I'll just go to church.
Have any of you ex-believers had similar experiences going back to church and finding it to be lunacy?
The newly deconverted often do. It's a natural reaction to finally being free of years of emotional abuse, often at the hands of our loved ones, and ourselves.
The newly deconverted often do. It's a natural reaction to finally being free of years of emotional abuse, often at the hands of our loved ones, and ourselves.
Probably but I lost a lot in my life due to religion. I've said it on here before but I lost out on getting an education because my mom thought it would be better for me to be at home babysitting instead of in an "evil" public school telling me it was ok to be gay. So yeah, me and religion aren't on the greatest terms anymore.
Going back and seeing what I used to believe with different eyes was quite revealing. It's one thing to be on the internet and vicariously deal with religion but it's different to go back and see it face to face. Religion is very oppressive. Some people find comfort in it but it's no different than a woman who loves her abuser.
I've gone to services after I stopped believing in anything religious,godly; last time I was there it was for a friend who'se son passed away. I was there for her and noticed how silly it all was, it was always silly and unbelievable to me but the longer I am away from religion, the weirder it feels. It's strange because I do love some of the old music and especially the Latin hymns that, to me, have a huge worth as a musical piece. The hallelujahs are just empty words to me, they sound nice in a musical setting...I've learned to separate the godly form the musical.
Otherwise I see the churches/cathedrals as great architectural things, the artwork can be beautiful and to think of how old it all is, adds to its value IMO.
Otherwise, when you step away from it all, and look at it with a new pair of eyes, religion's all so see-through and shallow.
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One of the things I actually used to like about going to church was being able to play music. I even did it for the kids church with my best friend at the time and it was a blast. Then I started getting flack from leaders about worship leaders who's turned their gifts against god just like you know who....
