Interracial dating for a black woman in ATL? (Atlanta, Marietta: restaurants, stores)

[DoveDiva]

Originally Posted by cbreeze22

OK, I have heard this a lot, and I still don't get it. Whenever people ask why I'm dating someone (of course they only ask this when that someone isn't black), I offer my usual, honest explanation (he's hot, great hair, he likes the beach, same musical tastes, no known psycho ex-girlfriends/ex-wives, etc.). Suddenly I'm accused of not wanting to be black.

This isn't an attack but a genuine request for insight. Can you or anyone please explain to me how one relates to the other? What choices or actions signify "not wanting to be black" or having an "issue" with being black?

Well...let me rephrase it.

Black folks are multi-faceted. There are some who are tree-hugging, Ellen DeGeneres loving, organic food eating individuals just as there are some who love their barbecue, soul food, and peach cobbler. If anything, I think that's the beauty of being Black...we're all different.

Just from reading a few pages of the thread...the poster I responded to isn't giving me the vibe that he understands that. I mean, if I remember what I read correctly, he stated that he exclusively dates outside of his race because he can't deal with women who listen to r&b/hip-hop/whatever (kind of like an "I'm better than you" vibe) but at the same time, seems to be lamenting the fact that black folks won't give him the time of day. If he gives off that elitist attitude around any black folks that he meets, I can see why!

What I'm trying to say is that it's kind of sad that the poster refuses to date Black women because he likes Depeche Mode/Lenny Kravitz and thinks that all black women have such a myopic view on what constitutes being Black. I almost wonder who was he surrounding himself with because the Black folks I hang out with see nothing wrong with interracial dating and don't fit into society's box of what we should do because we're black. (for example: listen to only hip-hop, eat soul food all the time, etc etc)

[jadybug]

Originally Posted by DoveDiva

Well...let me rephrase it.

Black folks are multi-faceted. There are some who are tree-hugging, Ellen DeGeneres loving, organic food eating individuals just as there are some who love their barbecue, soul food, and peach cobbler. If anything, I think that's the beauty of being Black...we're all different.

Just from reading a few pages of the thread...the poster I responded to isn't giving me the vibe that he understands that. I mean, if I remember what I read correctly, he stated that he exclusively dates outside of his race because he can't deal with women who listen to r&b/hip-hop/whatever (kind of like an "I'm better than you" vibe) but at the same time, seems to be lamenting the fact that black folks won't give him the time of day. If he gives off that elitist attitude around any black folks that he meets, I can see why!

What I'm trying to say is that it's kind of sad that the poster refuses to date Black women because he likes Depeche Mode/Lenny Kravitz and thinks that all black women have such a myopic view on what constitutes being Black. I almost wonder who was he surrounding himself with because the Black folks I hang out with see nothing wrong with interracial dating and don't fit into society's box of what we should do because we're black. (for example: listen to only hip-hop, eat soul food all the time, etc etc)

If we all refuse to be individuals and use statements like, "Black folks are..." It will just keep aiding the myths/stereotypes. Be your own person. Culture is to be celebrated as long as it is not a dividing point!! Live outside of the box and in the, "Light." Can't go wrong that way, and will be less likely offended or offending someone else.

P.S. I truly don't wish to offend you, but I speak with experience on both sides of the aisle.

[DoveDiva]

Originally Posted by jadybug

If we all refuse to be individuals and use statements like, "Black folks are..." It will just keep aiding the myths/stereotypes. Be your own person. Culture is to be celebrated as long as it is not a dividing point!! Live outside of the box and in the, "Light." Can't go wrong that way, and will be less likely offended or offending someone else.

P.S. I truly don't wish to offend you, but I speak with experience on both sides of the aisle.

oh, you didn't offend me....that's pretty much what I said, but in different words.

[Arish]

Originally Posted by DoveDiva

Just from reading a few of your posts in this thread...sounds like you have more of an issue with being black vs. having an issue with interracial dating. *shrug*

I figured someone would say something like this ! And no that is not the answer I like alot of different things. And when I frequent these events I don't meet up or see alot of Black women or individuals. Also I have dated black women before and they didn't try to take the time to understand me or things that I liked. If I met a (black women) and I have to generalize this time because of your myopic point of view. If she was open minded and liked to go the places I like to go, and do some of the things I like to do and I was attracted to her ? I wouldn't have an issue at all with her what so ever Trust Me I wouldn't. Also I want to also meet someone that is going to meet me half way on everything not expect me to pay for or buy everything. I just like an open minded person not one that does the same thing over and over regularly or hang out with one type of race or crowd. I saw black women everyday when I was Atlanta that I was attracted too but when they opened there mouth alot of times I was just like wow that is ruined. And they made it clear that they thought I was weird or I wasn't ghetto or (if you want to call it black enough). Hip Hop is a part of my life not how I live my life I like a lot of different things so remember that ! And over here on the west coast the majority of the blacks donot conduct themselves that way. So I guess they don't want to be black either HUH ?

[Arish]

Originally Posted by DoveDiva

Well...let me rephrase it.

Black folks are multi-faceted. There are some who are tree-hugging, Ellen DeGeneres loving, organic food eating individuals just as there are some who love their barbecue, soul food, and peach cobbler. If anything, I think that's the beauty of being Black...we're all different.

Just from reading a few pages of the thread...the poster I responded to isn't giving me the vibe that he understands that. I mean, if I remember what I read correctly, he stated that he exclusively dates outside of his race because he can't deal with women who listen to r&b/hip-hop/whatever (kind of like an "I'm better than you" vibe) but at the same time, seems to be lamenting the fact that black folks won't give him the time of day. If he gives off that elitist attitude around any black folks that he meets, I can see why!

What I'm trying to say is that it's kind of sad that the poster refuses to date Black women because he likes Depeche Mode/Lenny Kravitz and thinks that all black women have such a myopic view on what constitutes being Black. I almost wonder who was he surrounding himself with because the Black folks I hang out with see nothing wrong with interracial dating and don't fit into society's box of what we should do because we're black. (for example: listen to only hip-hop, eat soul food all the time, etc etc)

This is to Dova Diva, I understand what you say and some of it makes since but some of it just doesn't. To answer your question I didn't meet those individuals you speak of when I was in Atlanta. If I did, I probably would have dating one with no problem I all trust me ! This group must be the little five points group in atlanta or something. I hung out in that area very rarely because I stayed so far away. And even in The Vinings most of the people I met were divided black and white. I do not care for R&b music unless it is Timbaland produced or Neptune's produced. But does that make me a bad guy I don't think so at all..I like it because it is different ! I don't think I am above anyone I just think I am past certain things I get bored with repetitiveness and the same thing over and over. Did I use to love R Kelly and Jodeci yes I did but to me there was no evolution in there work. I think everyone should try to think outside the box and find and explore new things. I hate people that live in the past and do not expand further because they may feel it isn't cool. I grew up around alot of different cultures and races so I have adapted to alot of different things and I am sure CBreeze22 has also. There are alot of factors as to why I moved to the west coast it isn't because of the black culture it was also how white people conduct themselves in that area also. Alot of them think that they are better than us and they looked down on blacks period, i hate that mentality.

[rcsteiner]

Originally Posted by jadybug

I've discovered that when you truly love someone, you see only and love their heart!!

I believe this sentence nails it on the head.

[lezvandyke]

This thread blows.

[Raycarv1]

Hello folks


I have been checking out posts on this thread, trying to get an understanding of socio/racial environment of Atlanta and to some degree the South. I am an African American male living in Sacramento, CA by way of the Caribbean, Brooklyn, NY, Germany, Spain.

One of the things I like about California is the fact that I have access to just about any venue, any street, neighborhood, profession, or dating scene. And this extends (generally) from Northern to Southern California. It seems from this thread that while interacial dating occurs in Atlanta, it is not fully integrated into the culture of Atlanta, so that it's not just a curiousity or a side show to the larger community. Some writers have said, it doesn't matter, you love who you want etc, etc, but does interacial dating exclude you from a larger social context in Atlanta?. What's the reaction if an interacial couple goes to a 5 star restaurant or hotel, the mall, Saks, Nordstrom, etc.

I ask for your response.

Thanx,

Raymond

[Desmoove]

I've been perusing all the threads here and elsewere regarding racism in Atlanta since as a real estate investor/developer, I'm planning on buying some properties there and will be spending some time there overseeing their development.

I've been generally hesitant to respond but it's late and I can no longer hold my thoughts to myself regarding this matter.

I am an American born black man originally from the midwest (Ohio) but have also lived in the South, well sorta (Kentucky), as well as most of the U.S. and due to my former job, the World at large.

Depending on where I was at the time, I've dated all types of women from black to Asian, Hispanic to middle eastern for various reasons but none of those reasons based on something so trivial and shallow as solely by their ethnicity.

I'm that black guy that doesn't fit the traditional negative stereotype-du-jour nor exhibit any of the mannerisms that many of the "successful" black women and others here say is so prevalent among American born black men. The supposed rare black guy who both owns and minds his own business, has good credit, no criminal record, etc and so on. In other words; the black guy who some of the successful black women here state don't exist so hence, don't date black men at all anymore. The other side of that coin is as some of the other black men here have stated; the thug lovin' "sista's" won't date black guys like us either.....ironically enough, because of the lack of same stereotype.

Not excusing black men from this behavior because I've seen some brothas out there with some tore up...er...shall we say well fed..white women. These are the types of dudes that would knock a twentysomething Alicia Keyes looking black woman over just to get a shot ata fiftysomething Roseanne Barr looking white woman. Nowhere else have I ever seen this behavior practiced moreso than I have seen whenever I visited the South.

I've never let my ethnicity dictate my preferences in taste of music, arts, etc but have known some black people to purposefully use drastic differences in what they perceive as expected of them as far as style or whatever else they consider being "black" to distance themselves from whatever is the supposed mainstream black american culture and zeitgeist. I've also known some black people that hate themselves so much that they overcompensate by enthusiastically embracing anything that they think further distances themselves from being perceived as "black" just to hear white people say the magic words......"oh, YOU'Re not like all the others...".

I'm not saying that any of the black people here in interracial relationships feel that way, just that it's been my experience that when people make their prospective partner's ethnicity the real and only POINT of their interest, other than fetishism, it's usually a sign of some underlying issues with a lack of ethnic self worth. I've seen black men and women who would be so right for each other, same interests and other things in common, etc, yet put them in the same room together, not even look twice at each other.

I say live and let love, no matter WHAT the color but at least do it for the right reasons! Life's too short.

I've never been to Atlanta but I've known many people from there and many of those were black/white biracial or mixed race couples. I've always heard that Atlanta was a "chocolate" city so figure that if white people still choose to live there, then they are the ones who generally wouldn't have a problem dating interracially much less care if anyone else did.

WHat I"M curious about is how non black white mixed race couples would fare there? My wife is asian, mixed thai/phillipino and though black/asian couples are pretty common in California, wonder what looks we'll get in ATL?

Oh and lest anyone think that ATL or the U.S. in general is racist as it gets, try being a black man with a thai wife living in Thailand, not to digress and to keep a long story short, let's just say that it wasn't long before we had to tell them all to kiss both our brown *****es and got the hell outta there!

[Merin]

Originally Posted by Desmoove

I'm that black guy that doesn't fit the traditional negative stereotype-du-jour nor exhibit any of the mannerisms that many of the "successful" black women and others here say is so prevalent among American born black men. The supposed rare black guy who both owns and minds his own business, has good credit, no criminal record, etc and so on. In other words; the black guy who some of the successful black women here state don't exist so hence, don't date black men at all anymore. The other side of that coin is as some of the other black men here have stated; the thug lovin' "sista's" won't date black guys like us either.....ironically enough, because of the lack of same stereotype.

Not excusing black men from this behavior because I've seen some brothas out there with some tore up...er...shall we say well fed..white women. These are the types of dudes that would knock a twentysomething Alicia Keyes looking black woman over just to get a shot ata fiftysomething Roseanne Barr looking white woman. Nowhere else have I ever seen this behavior practiced moreso than I have seen whenever I visited the South.

I've never let my ethnicity dictate my preferences in taste of music, arts, etc but have known some black people to purposefully use drastic differences in what they perceive as expected of them as far as style or whatever else they consider being "black" to distance themselves from whatever is the supposed mainstream black american culture and zeitgeist. I've also known some black people that hate themselves so much that they overcompensate by enthusiastically embracing anything that they think further distances themselves from being perceived as "black" just to hear white people say the magic words......"oh, YOU'Re not like all the others...".

I'm not saying that any of the black people here in interracial relationships feel that way, just that it's been my experience that when people make their prospective partner's ethnicity the real and only POINT of their interest, other than fetishism, it's usually a sign of some underlying issues with a lack of ethnic self worth. I've seen black men and women who would be so right for each other, same interests and other things in common, etc, yet put them in the same room together, not even look twice at each other.

I say live and let love, no matter WHAT the color but at least do it for the right reasons! Life's too short.

I've never been to Atlanta but I've known many people from there and many of those were black/white biracial or mixed race couples. I've always heard that Atlanta was a "chocolate" city so figure that if white people still choose to live there, then they are the ones who generally wouldn't have a problem dating interracially much less care if anyone else did.

As a black women in an interracial marriage living in Atlanta, I agree with EVERYTHING you just said.

Originally Posted by Desmoove

WHat I"M curious about is how non black white mixed race couples would fare there? My wife is asian, mixed thai/phillipino and though black/asian couples are pretty common in California, wonder what looks we'll get in ATL?

It depends where you are. We live in the Grant Park area and have many interracial couples in close proximity. Most people don't give us a second look in the East part of Atlanta, but those who do are mostly lower-income black people.
There is a really good place to eat breakfast in sweet auburn, and the people who work there are very nice. Both times we have entered the establishment, everyone looked at us.
Every once in a while we will go to Lithonia(this place has large black population) because of big Stonecrest development. People are generally nice to us, but very curious about us. They usually start out by complimenting my engagement ring and then strike up a conversation with my husband. I think people don;t expect us to be down-to-earth and are pleasantly surprised once they talk to us for a few moments.
You can see geographic location has everything to do with your experience here in Atlanta. You are your wife will be fine.