Interracial dating for a black woman in ATL? (Atlanta, Jackson: best cities, real estate)

[south-to-west]

Originally Posted by MissShona

I think the initial question was if non-Black men in Atlanta are open to dating Black women. I don't know the answer to that (in fact, I don't even live in Atlanta, sorry)...but I think the question seems to be a bit "clinical"; almost like something a sociologist would ask....rather than a single woman looking to date (sorry...please don't take that statement personally).

In this day and age, someones race is not enough to gauge what type of person they are; what their interests are, what their upbringing was like, what their talents are....any of that. While environments can breed a certain "caliber" of people and what they will tolerate; it can't always be a tell-all. Especially in metro areas where there is a lot of cultural influx.

I am a Black woman and I've had quite a few boyfriends; none of whom were Black. I don't have anything at all against Black men. But my overall profile; the fact that I'm Jewish, that I like hardcore rock, punk and classic reggae, and I have a bit of an aviation fetish. It's hard to find Black men with similar interests; and I'm not going to feel comfortable with someone I don't have things in common with. And skin color is just one thing.

Also, backgrounds and norms can be overcome. My first serious boyfriend was from a rural area of South Carolina. He never had any close friends that were Black and was even kicked out of a club where he and his friends got into it with some other Black guys. We were both in aviation school together...and really had a great time. We were also both into the import racing/tuning thing. So the notion of "I'm Black and you're White" sort of was a non-issue after about the first week or so. Ironically, looking back, I do not think he had a real "preference" for Black women; just happens to be we just clicked. He had no real working knowledge of Black culture (which would bother many Black people, I know); but he saw more than just skin color in the end.

A more important question to ask is why you feel that you want to date interracially and what feelings kept you from doing so before? My mother is 100% African-American and my father is 1/2 Black Jamaican and 1/2 East Indian. I do see that in many African-American families, there is a pressure to stay strong culturally. African-Americans have had such a terrible history with institutionalized racism and superiority/inferiority issues; you can't deny the pain that many African-Americans see when one of their own goes to the "other side". I've seen this first-hand...although it doesn't affect me too much directly (my Father has always attracted and dated women from all backgrounds...probably because of his "confusing" ethnic looks). If you also have this notion of trying to "fit in" your White significant other into your sphere as a Black American (does that make any sense?), you may be in for a disappointment.

Let's say when you meet a non-Black significant other...you have straight hair (in all honesty, I know very, VERY few White people who understand the relationship most Black women have with their hair). Then you want to start going natural...rather it be an Afro or dreadlocks or something. Anyway, your appearance is probably going to change quite a bit. If the non-Black man comments that he liked your straight-hair better....well, that could be taken as, "oh, he doesn't appreciate natural African beauty" and you can end up getting offended. Meanwhile, if a Black man said this, it may be seen more so as just a preference one way or the other. Regardless of what the true intentions were....the "kicker" is in how you feel in the end.

So basically if you really feel that you can bond with someone; that they can be your best friend....you should date them and give it a go. Something as trivial as race should not stop you. However, if it's just like, "Oh I want to see what type X men are like to date" (and I'm not saying the original poster is like that...), then it kind of cheapens the whole experience. One the biggest turn offs to me is when a non-Black man comes with that, "Oh, I was always curious as to what it would be like to "be" (whatever THAT means) with a Black woman." People who say that don't see me as a person; they just see an appearance. And we all much, much more than that!

A woman that is an aviation nut and listens to classic reggae... I would've tried to have been your first black boyfriend, MissShona!

Great post!

[MissShona]

Originally Posted by south-to-west

A woman that is an aviation nut and listens to classic reggae... I would've tried to have been your first black boyfriend, MissShona!

Great post!

LOL....awww....you're too cute! Thank you!

[kayrob]

Originally Posted by south-to-west

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a black man currently dating a white woman, not because she's white and it's "exciting", but moreso for the simple fact that the woman I fell in love with happened to have white skin. It has nothing to do on how I feel about black women. I've dated plenty of black women, as well as Latinas and Asians. Women all have their quirks no matter the ethnicity.

Don't disparage the men of an entire ethnic group by making blanket statements. Just because a person is black like you doesn't mean that you can easily read them. Also, not all of us have commitment issues, although I agree with the Cosby in needing to address issues regarding marriage in the black community.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't date someone of another ethnicity because your'e tired of the opposite sex of your own ethnicity. Choose the person based on compatability no matter the color.

Thank You. Personally I don't have a problem with who anyone dates. It's hard enough finding the right person. But I guess I do have a problem with someone who feels they have to or want to justify it by demonstrating some loathing of their own race.

[CityFan]

My question is how you guys come together when you have different taste of food. I have never tried African American food, but I think it's so much different from what we usually prepare or cook. What ingreidients do you guys use in food?

[MissShona]

Originally Posted by CityFan

My question is how you guys come together when you have different taste of food. I have never tried African American food, but I think it's so much different from what we usually prepare or cook. What ingreidients do you guys use in food?

Are you talking about "soul food"? I couldn't tell you how to make it, because I didn't grow up on it. It's pretty inaccurate to say that all Black people eat soul food mainly as well (in my case it was either Caribbean food or just mainstream American food). While soul food tastes good, in general, it's not the healthiest fare. My Grandmother grew up on it but has cholesterol problems (so has stayed away for 20 years). I myself keep kosher (and most soul food recipes are not kosher because they use a lot of butter or cream with meat products).

My Grandfather loves soul food though and cooks for other people's parties. A good portion of these people are White people. Most of them see it as a treat...and I've never heard anyone complain (he's barbeque chicken is legendary...but his sauce has like 25 different ingredients in it...including a lot of brown sugar). Southerners of all races are pretty familiar with soul food. Almost to the point where soul food and southern cuisine could probably be synonymous.

[south-to-west]

Originally Posted by CityFan

My question is how you guys come together when you have different taste of food. I have never tried African American food, but I think it's so much different from what we usually prepare or cook. What ingreidients do you guys use in food?

LOL! I actually charmed my current girlfriend the first time I cooked Italian/Mediterranean food for her.

Like MissShona, I don't know how to cook soul food either; and whenever I start a family, I don't plan on raising my kids on it either. Although I can enjoy a plate of pork chops, greens, and corn bread like the next man, that stuff is way too unhealthy to eat day-to-day and contributes to the high rates of hypertension and heart disease in our community.

[Britishintown]

I cook a mean chili, as well as a host of other things including pastries and confectionary, but if you met me you would think it more likely for me to bite the heads off chickens, funny old world.

[crystalblue]

Originally Posted by MissShona

So basically if you really feel that you can bond with someone; that they can be your best friend....you should date them and give it a go. Something as trivial as race should not stop you. However, if it's just like, "Oh I want to see what type X men are like to date" (and I'm not saying the original poster is like that...), then it kind of cheapens the whole experience. One the biggest turn offs to me is when a non-Black man comes with that, "Oh, I was always curious as to what it would be like to "be" (whatever THAT means) with a Black woman." People who say that don't see me as a person; they just see an appearance. And we all much, much more than that!

see, i see it differently. id like to date a black woman to "see what its like" but that doesn't mean it couldn't be long term.

heck, im willing to give most gals a try to "see what its like". after all, isnt that what dating is all about?

[MissShona]

Originally Posted by crystalblue

see, i see it differently. id like to date a black woman to "see what its like" but that doesn't mean it couldn't be long term.

heck, im willing to give most gals a try to "see what its like". after all, isnt that what dating is all about?

Well you can have that intention; but sometimes, it's just 'more polite' to keep certain sentiments all to yourself.

[tgify2001]

Originally Posted by MissShona

I think the initial question was if non-Black men in Atlanta are open to dating Black women. I don't know the answer to that (in fact, I don't even live in Atlanta, sorry)...but I think the question seems to be a bit "clinical"; almost like something a sociologist would ask....rather than a single woman looking to date (sorry...please don't take that statement personally).

In this day and age, someones race is not enough to gauge what type of person they are; what their interests are, what their upbringing was like, what their talents are....any of that. While environments can breed a certain "caliber" of people and what they will tolerate; it can't always be a tell-all. Especially in metro areas where there is a lot of cultural influx.

I am a Black woman and I've had quite a few boyfriends; none of whom were Black. I don't have anything at all against Black men. But my overall profile; the fact that I'm Jewish, that I like hardcore rock, punk and classic reggae, and I have a bit of an aviation fetish. It's hard to find Black men with similar interests; and I'm not going to feel comfortable with someone I don't have things in common with. And skin color is just one thing.

Also, backgrounds and norms can be overcome. My first serious boyfriend was from a rural area of South Carolina. He never had any close friends that were Black and was even kicked out of a club where he and his friends got into it with some other Black guys. We were both in aviation school together...and really had a great time. We were also both into the import racing/tuning thing. So the notion of "I'm Black and you're White" sort of was a non-issue after about the first week or so. Ironically, looking back, I do not think he had a real "preference" for Black women; just happens to be we just clicked. He had no real working knowledge of Black culture (which would bother many Black people, I know); but he saw more than just skin color in the end.

A more important question to ask is why you feel that you want to date interracially and what feelings kept you from doing so before? My mother is 100% African-American and my father is 1/2 Black Jamaican and 1/2 East Indian. I do see that in many African-American families, there is a pressure to stay strong culturally. African-Americans have had such a terrible history with institutionalized racism and superiority/inferiority issues; you can't deny the pain that many African-Americans see when one of their own goes to the "other side". I've seen this first-hand...although it doesn't affect me too much directly (my Father has always attracted and dated women from all backgrounds...probably because of his "confusing" ethnic looks). If you also have this notion of trying to "fit in" your White significant other into your sphere as a Black American (does that make any sense?), you may be in for a disappointment.

Let's say when you meet a non-Black significant other...you have straight hair (in all honesty, I know very, VERY few White people who understand the relationship most Black women have with their hair). Then you want to start going natural...rather it be an Afro or dreadlocks or something. Anyway, your appearance is probably going to change quite a bit. If the non-Black man comments that he liked your straight-hair better....well, that could be taken as, "oh, he doesn't appreciate natural African beauty" and you can end up getting offended. Meanwhile, if a Black man said this, it may be seen more so as just a preference one way or the other. Regardless of what the true intentions were....the "kicker" is in how you feel in the end.

So basically if you really feel that you can bond with someone; that they can be your best friend....you should date them and give it a go. Something as trivial as race should not stop you. However, if it's just like, "Oh I want to see what type X men are like to date" (and I'm not saying the original poster is like that...), then it kind of cheapens the whole experience. One the biggest turn offs to me is when a non-Black man comes with that, "Oh, I was always curious as to what it would be like to "be" (whatever THAT means) with a Black woman." People who say that don't see me as a person; they just see an appearance. And we all much, much more than that!

I didn't intend to sound clinical. I must admit that I am pretty hyper-educated, lol! That might be the reason for the "clinical" questions. I agree that what matters most is compatibility with someone.

I was raised in white areas and find that I don't have much in common with blacks, even suburban ones (ones from black suburbs). I have dated non-black men before, so that does not bother me at all! I just wanted to know what it was like in ATL. BTW, still thinking about moving there!