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Old 11-05-2011, 06:31 AM
 
2,397 posts, read 1,886,887 times
Reputation: 1185
Quote:
Originally Posted by cityfilms View Post
95% of metro Atl population has chip on shoulder and is angry about one thing or another. I have travelled everywhere in the US and when I come back here people here seem to be some of the most miserable people in the U.S., not joking.
You perceive that because you have developed relationships and acquaintances with people in this region, and because you're here long enough to see people become displeased. You aren't simply a passer-through who doesn't spend any considerable time with individuals to note their displeasure. Plus, people tend to first be friendly to an outsider, as they want the area to be perceived positively.
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Old 11-05-2011, 06:40 AM
 
2,397 posts, read 1,886,887 times
Reputation: 1185
Quote:
Originally Posted by ATLTJL View Post
THIS, THIS, THIS!!!!!!!! I know very few people who have benefited financially from marriage. I know you can't make a blanket statement about a gender because there are so many different type of people out there, but one thing I have noticed is that pretty much all women, no matter how successful or ambitious they seem, want to be taken care of by a man. I mean financially. She may have a good job, she may even make MORE than he does...but all women I know breathe a sigh of relief when they get into relationships. It's like even though they have the money and career, they still have a hard time bearing the responsibility to take care of everything. They seem to need a plan B. I don't know what it is, maybe in the back of their heads they know they may want to start working part time or become stay at home moms or they're afraid they're going to get fired. It probably comes down to a woman's natural tendency to be a nester and seeking security.

You know what else I've noticed? When I was a kid, the man went out and made money but didn't do much around the house, while women took care of children and the house. Nowadays women are working, which is great, and more men are spending more time with their kids, which is also great. But a big complaint I've heard from a lot of my married friends is that their wives go out and work like they do, but they don't do much around the house. These guys say they work and their wives work, but then they go home and cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of kids while their wives watch TV and do nothing, exactly what women used to complain about men doing. I've had quite a few people tell me this, like their wives think so long as they work, it absolves them from having to help out with anything else around the house, even if their husbands work just as hard. It's quite a strange role reversal. I think this is contributing to a lot of men deciding they don't want marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one person taking care of another...that's a different kind of relationship.

I also think the only reason sex has come up is because it used to be the thing that kind of made men get interested in marriage. A steady supply of sex without having to do all the hunting and working for it, that's an attractive proposition. I'm not going to comment about the availability of sex and whether the whole thing is overrated or not, just the fact that sex has been a traditional lure into the institution of marriage for men. When that becomes less attractive or equally attractive alternatives are available elsewhere, it reduces one of the big reaons men have been willing to go along with the whole idea of marriage for so long.

Personally, I think the whole idea of relationships and marriage are way too stressed in out society. Listen to the radio, watch TV, everywhere you look the message is, "If you are not in love, you are nothing." The whole idea of actively pursuing it and wanting it so bad you are willing to settle for the first thing that seems okay seems odd to me. To me, it signifies not being completely satisfied with yourself, like you need somebody else to validate your existence. I don't think people should worry about dating or relationships in terms of something to actively pursue. Instead, people should just live their own individual lives the best way they can. Along the way, most people will meet others that they like enough to decide to date (without purposely seeking someone to date), and some will find someone they love so much that they can't imagine not being with that person every day and then they can get married (instead of purposely seeking someone to marry).

Just my two cents
I agree. I think it is a major reason for infidelity. People sometimes actively seek out relationships for marriage, and then realize they've settled. Later, after they've been married, they don't actively seek other relationships, but they become acquainted with someone of the opposite sex in their day-to-day lives who they truly connect with, unlike their spouse. Wanting to be with their "soul mate" they cheat on their spouse and divorce happens.

In no way would I condone adultery, but I'm providing a reason why it may happen. Another reason could be that in addition to finding this "soul mate", the man's spouse harps, nags, criticizes, and complains all the time, to the point that it wears down his soul and this other person seems to fulfill what he wants in a significant other.
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Old 11-05-2011, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
2,750 posts, read 2,154,740 times
Reputation: 1407
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb View Post
Actually AcidSnake, both RainyRainyDay and I expressed compassion toward you. I'm the one who pointed out that you'd been hurt, remember?
Really? I didn't want to go there, but let's take a closer look:

Quote:
Originally Posted by RainyRainyDay View Post
Oh Snake, you usually come off as a caring and sensible guy, but this part of your life sounds like the out of control part. I hope one of these days, when you're ready, you find a relationship of mutual love and respect.
I didn't know that a simple bad dating experience or two would equal to a life out-of-control. Is that how y'all city-data ladies would judge the OP's situation? Because when looking at her story, it seems that she also had numerous bad dating encounters with the opposite sex.

Interested minds would really like an answer for that one.


Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb View Post
I agree Rainy. I hope this is just hurt talking and isn't actually reflective of his true mentality. If it is...sigh.
My "true mentality"? What exactly is that?

So according to the logic from this statement: If I have harsh criticisms of dating in Atlanta just like the OP with the exception being that I provided my own reasoning for it that you don't agree with, it's somehow reflective of some deep dark psychosis? Pretty specious logic that's being entertained here...hardly what I would view as the voice of "compassion".

Again, would y'all city-data ladies have approached the OP in this same way?

You gals aren't being totally honest in this discussion. You have an obvious bias in favor of this quixotic dating/relationship dynamic that's present in Atlanta, if not America by large.

Last edited by AcidSnake; 11-05-2011 at 05:40 PM..
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:00 PM
 
Location: West Cobb County, GA (Atlanta metro)
9,112 posts, read 20,406,237 times
Reputation: 4642
Some of the comments are getting personal. Stick to the topic ONLY please and stop getting so one-on-one with it, or it closes.

Thank you.
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Old 11-06-2011, 01:18 PM
 
Location: International
194 posts, read 166,388 times
Reputation: 157
Quote:
Originally Posted by cityfilms View Post
95% of metro Atl population has chip on shoulder and is angry about one thing or another. I have travelled everywhere in the US and when I come back here people here seem to be some of the most miserable people in the U.S., not joking.

lol have you been to Western NY before?
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Old 11-06-2011, 11:21 PM
 
Location: Hellanta.com
34 posts, read 26,628 times
Reputation: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by cityfilms View Post
95% of metro Atl population has chip on shoulder and is angry about one thing or another. I have travelled everywhere in the US and when I come back here people here seem to be some of the most miserable people in the U.S., not joking.
I would agree someone but ironically no one is actually from here so what do you suggest that it is. The same people in California, New York, and Miami are the same people transplanting here.
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Old 11-25-2011, 10:51 PM
 
Location: NY/NJ
1,406 posts, read 706,639 times
Reputation: 1555
Default Atl

Atlanta is dealing with the same problems that New York, Jersey, Los Angeles, and every other place in the U.S. is dealing with.

People just don't want to be in committed relationships anymore. Like one of the posters said earlier. Our society is fixated on SEX SEX and more SEX. It is all about getting your freak on.

I personally, single 30 year old male, am looking to settle down and can honestly say that it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

I remember back in the days when men used to be the players and the women were the victims. BUT OH HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED. Women have truly leveled the playing field.

DATING IN TODAY'S SOCIETY IS A JOKE.
It is sad that things have gotten this way... Especially in the black community. I feel sorry for our young men and women growing up.
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Old 11-28-2011, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Reynoldstown and lovin' it!!!
554 posts, read 406,241 times
Reputation: 356
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman View Post
Atlanta is dealing with the same problems that New York, Jersey, Los Angeles, and every other place in the U.S. is dealing with.

People just don't want to be in committed relationships anymore. Like one of the posters said earlier. Our society is fixated on SEX SEX and more SEX. It is all about getting your freak on.

I personally, single 30 year old male, am looking to settle down and can honestly say that it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

I remember back in the days when men used to be the players and the women were the victims. BUT OH HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED. Women have truly leveled the playing field.

DATING IN TODAY'S SOCIETY IS A JOKE.
It is sad that things have gotten this way... Especially in the black community. I feel sorry for our young men and women growing up.

What is your definition of dating? Because mine is basically any interaction with the opposite sex, it could actually be a date or it could just be some late night smash that comes by the crib after she leaves the club. Dating to me is playing the field and not being in a committed relationship. And to me Atlanta is a play ground for dating. This city is a gravy train IMO. How can you not love it? Yeah there are a lot of golddiggers, social climbers, and just overall chicks who think they are a lot more than what they are. But there are also a boat load of females who aren't like that. Walk thru pretty much any Whole Foods or any other niche grocery store, you will see literally a store full of fine ladies from all races who are in there taking a little longer than needed to grocery shop just so they can get pulled.

But I consider what you are talking about as relationships, which if you are actively looking for I could see as being a problem. But to me that is the problem, you're actively looking for a relationship. First off I think with anything in life that if you try to hard to find it, it wont come to you. Second, and I'm not saying this is you because I don't know you, but a lot of dudes can be too thirsty and chicks can pick up on that and that pushes them away.
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Old 11-28-2011, 07:57 PM
 
Location: NY/NJ
1,406 posts, read 706,639 times
Reputation: 1555
As far as my definition of dating goes...

I am strictly talking about dating in the context of finding a suitable marriage partner. I totally feel ya when you talk about dating in terms of male female interaction. I moved to east coast last year and have had more "dating" aka "opportunities to hook up" than i have had the entire time I lived in the south.

This is cool for a while but can be quite the challenge when you are looking for someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I have always been the type of dude that will NEVER chase after a woman, and it has worked great for me so far. THIRSTY dudes never get what they want. I encounter them all the time and just shake my head.

I just think that any one looking for WIFEY is in for a shock. NYC has some of the most beautiful women I have ever met, but I can honestly say that 8 out of 10 women i have encountered are NOT interested in long term serious relationship.I wonder if ATL different.

Just my perspective.
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Old 11-28-2011, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Reynoldstown and lovin' it!!!
554 posts, read 406,241 times
Reputation: 356
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman View Post
As far as my definition of dating goes...

I am strictly talking about dating in the context of finding a suitable marriage partner. I totally feel ya when you talk about dating in terms of male female interaction. I moved to east coast last year and have had more "dating" aka "opportunities to hook up" than i have had the entire time I lived in the south.

This is cool for a while but can be quite the challenge when you are looking for someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I have always been the type of dude that will NEVER chase after a woman, and it has worked great for me so far. THIRSTY dudes never get what they want. I encounter them all the time and just shake my head.

I just think that any one looking for WIFEY is in for a shock. NYC has some of the most beautiful women I have ever met, but I can honestly say that 8 out of 10 women i have encountered are NOT interested in long term serious relationship.I wonder if ATL different.

Just my perspective.

I somewhat agree, the reason I don't isn't with anything you said as much as it is just that we have two different mindsets. But that's cool because not everyone is going to think the same. I personally think that marriage as an institution is overrated. If I find a true love that knocks me off my feet then so be it, but if I never find that one and have to be a bachelor my whole life that is fine by me too...I'm cool either way.
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