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Great advice, but I think the problem is too many women in this country are still driven by pretense and image-protection, which is likely a by-product of America's cultural adherence to puritanism. In the south this mindset is even more wide entrenched.
A lot of them just can't deal with the possibility of rejection and will not approach the man as a result. So we can expect more of these same complaints of women not finding suitable mates.
Good point. I have noticed that most of the women who have approached me have been from outside the south or even outside the U.S. I also noticed when I lived in NYC that women up there are usually a lot more forward than the ones down here. Factor in the density and sheer variety and it's a single guy's playground up there. I must say I enjoyed the attention.
Women need to get over the rejection thing just like guys have to. Not many guys are gonna be cruel about it because we've all been there(and those who haven't are lying).
Quote:
Originally Posted by ada.junila
I attend Kennesaw State.
I have approached men, but it always backfires, as the men in the long run assume I am an easy lay.
I dont know if I have to be in the right area, or something, Im not sure.
So KSU is a party school? Really...
Where do they party? Cowboy's?
Easy lay? You know, it would make things a lot easier if you ladies would stop treating sex as some sort of goal that you must properly defend or some reward you bestow on guys who have managed to jump through what ever arbitrary hoops you decide to hold up on dates or whatnot. I realize some guys(and arguably most college guys) may look at it that way but some of us just get annoyed when you act as if sex were a doggy treat or something. Again, you dictate the pace of the relationship by virtue of being the woman.
Dating is hardly ever as simple as you think it will be.
Lol, honestly, KSU is not a party school but in the same token people like to party (downtown atlanta and away from KSU).
It seems like there are less relationships formed at my school.
Honestly. Its not about sex being a treat to men or anything that you are assuming about me. I am just a traditional female who believes that if a man likes you, he will approach you.
I stepped out of my traditional ways and they all lead to nothing serious.
You need to be honest as well, please do not act like Atlanta is full of all these eligible men, when its not even easy to connect with men even when they are on the same level as a college student or higher.
Lol, honestly, KSU is not a party school but in the same token people like to party (downtown atlanta and away from KSU).
It seems like there are less relationships formed at my school.
Honestly. Its not about sex being a treat to men or anything that you are assuming about me. I am just a traditional female who believes that if a man likes you, he will approach you.
I stepped out of my traditional ways and they all lead to nothing serious.
You need to be honest as well, please do not act like Atlanta is full of all these eligible men, when its not even easy to connect with men even when they are on the same level as a college student or higher.
99% percent of college students like to party. If anything you should be able to find more guys open to relationships there than at Atlanta colleges. KSU is by no means a small school. I just find it so hard to believe that a school that draws mainly from the suburbs and exurbs is less fertile for relationships than intown schools.
The problem with being a traditional female is that the rest of society is becoming less and less traditional. I won't say whether that's a good or a bad thing. It just is. I could assume the role of a "traditional" male and demand a woman who will cook and clean and obey me as head of the household but I doubt very seriously I'd get very far with that approach with most women nowadays. You have to adapt to the situation or sit around wondering why only jerks approach you.
Atlanta IS full of eligible single men. What do you mean by being unable to connect with them? It's not easy to connect with them if you aren't meeting them half way. I've been in several situations where I've approached women who seemed interested enough but apparently felt it was up to me to carry the entire conversation. That's not only irritating but exhausting. Not to mention men and women communicate entirely differently. Men are geared to understand clear, obvious signals while women seldom give them. Like I said, dating is rarely easy, at least until you find someone worth figuring out.
Lol, honestly, KSU is not a party school but in the same token people like to party (downtown atlanta and away from KSU).
It seems like there are less relationships formed at my school.
Honestly. Its not about sex being a treat to men or anything that you are assuming about me. I am just a traditional female who believes that if a man likes you, he will approach you.
A lot of y'all say that until the man asks for you to cook him a dinner at the end of the date. Back in the old days that sort of thing was expected, ya know.
But these days a lot of y'all American women seem to demand that men spend until they go broke, and even then you gals offer nothing in return, nevermind that we compete with you gals for the same jobs. More and more men are becoming aware of the precarious economic realities of dating versus survival and are starting to realize that these impositions that far too many American women tend to force on them are quite irrational and unfair.
Until a lot of you women learn to reconcile the inconsistencies in your puritanical views towards dating while still wanting an equal say in how the date is conducted, you may as well expect the dating drought to continue. But at least some of y'all get it. Don't know about the rest though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ada.junila
I stepped out of my traditional ways and they all lead to nothing serious.
And yet the traditional way it seems isn't working, given that you felt compelled to post this thread in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ada.junila
You need to be honest as well, please do not act like Atlanta is full of all these eligible men, when its not even easy to connect with men even when they are on the same level as a college student or higher.
Your experience is anecdotal.
Without knowing you personally, there is no way to know if you truly tried all avenues to meet the right men(At Georgia State U. there are plenty of single awkward-looking gentleman who spend many a day & night in the computer lab). Also, there's no way to know if your personality is such that it practically invites men to talk to you.
It seems to be quite a popular trait among many women in Atlanta to appear standoffish and aloof to the point of coming off like a stereotypical attitudinal American woman(the whole "pretense" stuff). I'm not accusing you of being that way; I'm merely stating my anecdotal observations of dating-age women in Atlanta.
People can paint some innocent image of themselves all day long on the internet, but at the end of the day it's just an image.
Last edited by AcidSnake; 10-29-2011 at 10:32 PM..
Why don't you find someone who you actually like as a person and start things off as a friendship? Then if it develops into something more, awesome....and if it doesn't, at least you have a friend who can tap you into his social network.
The relationship that lasts is the person who you actually enjoy being around, not just who you are attracted to. If you don't play games and don't look at dating that way and are just yourself, you're bound to get noticed by that right person.
Of course there are those little things you can do to show you're interestd and see if the other person does those things back.
Just find someone with a common interest and start off exploring that interest together, whether it be the outdoors, horror movies, fishing, softball, midget wrestling, or whatever!
You can thank the feminist movement for this. Women wanted equal rights and now this is what you get. These divorce laws are unfair and until they are straighten out the dating scene for women will get worse. Men are not ready to sign up for marriage knowing she will have the power to divorce us for any reason. Most women file for divorce which mean they will get a free child support check, the house, some of our 401k, alimony in some states, etc. Men are not ready to sign up for that. Plus women these days are not like the women back in our parents days. Today's women cant cook a real meal, too many tattoos, weave, and they have horrible entitlements. There are a few good women out there but today is a different day. Do you know why people used to be married for 30+ years back in the day? The man worked and the wife stayed at home. This worked because each person knew their role. For the most part, families that have a stay at home wife have longer marriages than if the woman makes more money or they both are working.The feminist movement ruined this and this is why the divorce rate is so high. If you want the marriage rates to increase you need to let the gov know that today's guys are not trying to sign up for this deal. We are not trying to sign away our rights especially if we have assets and a great career. Ladies you want to get married? Here are a few tips for you. Stay in the gym. Men do not want to marry a fat slob. Learn how to cook real meals. Do not argue and test your man all the time. Don't use sex as a weapon. Give your husband sex when he wants it. He will give you money when you want it and you should give him sex. Also ladies pick better men when you are dating. Do not date the bad boys first, have a baby by them and then ask "where the good men are?" when the "good guys" do not want to take care of kids that are not his. Your best years are between the ages of 25-30. You need to try to get married b4 you are 30 b4 the wrinkles kick in. When guys hit 30, a lot of us want younger women. Most men if they are in the mid 30s would rather marry someone younger than someone who is his age. These are the real reasons why guys today are not in a hurry to marry in Atlanta and in most large American cities.
Last edited by tonygeorgia; 10-30-2011 at 09:01 AM..
I think the dating scene in the metro is hard if you are not into bars and clubbing. I do agree that meeting people at college is a good idea but it sounds like you have tried that.
You could also seek out people of similar interests online that have meetups in our area. Or you can try volunteering for some special cause you believe a lot in whether it is politics, social or artistic. How about church if you attend? Cobb county does have a lot to offer, but it would depend on your interests, of course. I think exploring your personal interests will give you some good ideas for other social outlets besides college.
Suburbs in general are harder to meet people... but it's not like there aren't young people here to choose from (not that they are all single, but still)... according to 2010 census Atlanta area has 809,728 people 25-35 years old... slightly more than Washington DC metro and more than Boston...
Interactive: Young and restless *| ajc.com (http://www.ajc.com/news/AtlantaForward/interactive-young-and-restless-1046575.html - broken link)
In general, most women on dating sites have issues:
In no particular order, you end up with the following:
1) Women who have emotional/personality disorders (they can't cut it in the real world, so being online often allows them to mask their true behavior--at least in order to get a date). In reality, these women have likely already scared many men away because of their toxic personalities.
2) Heavy women. (Nothing wrong with very overweight women, but there's less demand for them, and so they try to improve their odds by way of the Internet).
3) Feminist-minded women: These are the hard-core radical feminist crazies who want to see discrimination against women around every corner, and if you don't agree with her ideology, then you're out of the loop. Being in the loop, however, and agreeing with everything she believes, would be a literal prison. Since they're crazy, most men don't want anything to do with them.
4) Divorced Women/single mothers: Circumstances happen, and everyone realizes this, but a lot of women to be found online come from broken relationships, which, in many instances, indicates a personality flaw (the result of #1), or they are looking for someone to help raise their children. That said, you'll always play second fiddle to her children, so for a single, never-been-married man, you'll likely prefer to not be with women such as this.
I realize that if you're young, it can be a hard road to travel. That is, the dating road. Trust me when I say this. Young women in their early 20s are about the worst that it gets. They're emotionally immature, and they treat men, on average, like dirt. They realize that men are hormonally-led at their age, and appear quite needy (testosterone will do that), and it's a turn-off for them. It's also provides a way for them to "toy" with you or "lead you on". It's nothing but a game. A young single man in his early to mid twenties often becomes frustrated, because he doesn't understand the true nature of many of these women.
The best way to get women: Do not care about what women think, or even actively search for women. You have to invoke confidence and do your own thing, as though you are going to live a life for yourself and no one else. Women are up for a challenge, and if they see that you're not interested in them, they'll often swarm in. After all, they like the challenge.
I say this to all the single guys. The worst thing that you can do is allow your temporary state of extreme emotional neediness, the result of extremely high levels of certain hormones, to lead you to seek out any women. There are a lot of young women who are morally debased, and are nothing more than emotional vampires. They have nothing to offer you over the long haul. You can't allow your neediness to ignore the red flags and go after the first woman who shows interest in you. After all, the modern American woman doesn't fall after the guys, unless they're emotionally unstable themselves, and have a personality disorder, and in the end they'll "drive you insane". Young Women will fall after you if you invoke an apathetic attitude toward women. Many women in their thirties will seek out a relationship, but many of these are damaged goods, or belong to one of the four groups above.
In the end, what harms most men is their biological urges of adolescence and young adulthood. Don't allow it to defeat you. If you can control it, you can find yourself a genuine good woman, or you can wait out the time-frame of severe neediness. This will usually occur around the age of 28 or so. By the time you're in your thirties and beyond, men clearly have the upper hand. Women have the upperhand, given these realities, up to about the age of 25-27.
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