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Old 11-04-2011, 08:24 PM
 
2,399 posts, read 4,202,016 times
Reputation: 1301

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb View Post
I think it depends on what you're looking for. Sex is something that can be had for less than $20 in some quarters. A relationship, on the other hand is something that is value-added. Certainly men benefit greatly from marriage as it literally puts money in their pocket and lengthens their life span. It makes me wonder why any man would settle for something that's worth about the amount of money I spend in the dollar store each week, when they can have something infinitely more valuable. Of course, it's your choice, lots of people prefer the cheap and tawdry over the valuable. Fortunately, most adult males have learned better. Obviously the OP is looking for the latter. The species can heave a sigh of relief.
Marriage does not lengthen a man's lifespan. Married men, on average, are wealthier than non-married men, and thus have better access to healthcare. Hence, all of this leads to a longer lifespan.
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Old 11-04-2011, 08:27 PM
 
2,399 posts, read 4,202,016 times
Reputation: 1301
Quote:
Originally Posted by RocNY View Post
I'd rather die a few years earlier than hear the same nagging voice everyday for the rest of my life...
Women are naggers and complainers. Why is that?
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Old 11-04-2011, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA (Dunwoody)
2,047 posts, read 4,607,023 times
Reputation: 980
Please quote where I said that there wasn't more to longevity than marriage. I simply said that married men live longer, presumably like all studies there are rival causal factors, and the data set would be skewed in regard to #2 because unmarried women live longer than married women. So the married data set is skewed because married men live longer, and the same occurs with the second. That doesn't obviate the fact that married men live longer. I hardly see that as puritanical, though, of course, YMMV.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AcidSnake View Post
But I think the best study that shows that there is more to living a long life than simply marriage is the longest experimented study on longevity to date: the Terman Life-Cycle Study.

The results in that study have shown that there were two groups who were observed to have lived the longest life:

1) People who have married and have never divorced, and 2) people who have never married at all. It seems that living a life of consistency and purpose is the key, regardless of being married for life or never have been.

Google this study, if you don't believe me.
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Old 11-04-2011, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA (Dunwoody)
2,047 posts, read 4,607,023 times
Reputation: 980
Actually AcidSnake, both RainyRainyDay and I expressed compassion toward you. I'm the one who pointed out that you'd been hurt, remember?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AcidSnake View Post
Thank you!

But I gotta say it though:

When the OP posted her problems with dating she was given nothing but love and hand-holding. But when I posted my issues with dating in the metro it was just the opposite.

The inherent hypocrisy in differing responses to the same situation only shows that our society hasn't truly evolved yet to come to grips with the change in male-female relations and what equality truly means in a 21st century America.

The contradiction of socialization continues...
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Old 11-04-2011, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA (Dunwoody)
2,047 posts, read 4,607,023 times
Reputation: 980
Quote:
Originally Posted by DTL3000 View Post
There are some pretty obvious drawbacks to long term relationships, you know. Some people aren't ready to invest in a long term... relationship
Most assuredly there are drawbacks to long-term relationships, much as there are drawbacks to casual sex. Presumably we're all adults here and have the ability to decide which is our preference. My question is, why was the OP castigated when she expressed a desire for long-term relationships rather than casual sex? I find it curious that people who seem to object to their perception that I've minimized or placed a value judgment on casual sex, would have no problem with minimizing and judging the OP's desire for a long-term relationship. I believe that people do and should have infinite choices and those choices should be treated with respect (Unless of course, they involve animals or children.)

Quote:
You are the one putting a value on sex to begin with.
Hmmm, this is mad confusing here. I'm not the one who placed a value on sex, you guys did. You're the ones who pointed out how it could be obtained considerably more easily than a relationship. You went on doing so for at least four pages, you might want to go back and read some of the initial posts. So you placed a value judgment on both sex and relationships. I simply repeated what you had already said. According to y'all sex can be had for less than the cost of dinner and a movie. I was simply agreeing with you.

Quote:
You automatically assumed AcidSnake is running through women due to some painful experience or something. That's assuming an awful lot.
I have no idea what AcidSnake is doing in his personal life, but anyone reading his initial posts can see that they come from a painful place. I suspect that he revealed more than he intended, but who knows.

Quote:
Who are you to say this? If this were the case casual sex would be nonexistant. An attitude like that sounds like it comes from some painful experience.
Many people want to reduce sex to a mere bodily function because they fear being hurt, unfortunately, rather than being a barrier to pain, it becomes a barrier to intimacy. No, I've never personally experienced casual sex, just helped a lot of people pick up the pieces from the blowback.
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Old 11-04-2011, 10:49 PM
 
2,590 posts, read 4,517,182 times
Reputation: 3065
Most assuredly there are drawbacks to long-term relationships, much as there are drawbacks to casual sex. Presumably we're all adults here and have the ability to decide which is our preference. My question is, why was the OP castigated when she expressed a desire for long-term relationships rather than casual sex? I find it curious that people who seem to object to their perception that I've minimized or placed a value judgment on casual sex, would have no problem with minimizing and judging the OP's desire for a long-term relationship. I believe that people do and should have infinite choices and those choices should be treated with respect (Unless of course, they involve animals or children.)

I never castigated the OP for looking for a long-term relationship. I called her out for claiming that there aren't any men in her peer group looking for long-term relationships which is BS. I also told her she has control of the pace of her relationships. AcidSnake and some others put in their 2 cents worth on how they view dating. Not all of it was flattering to women but the "no good men" theory that brought about this thread in the first place isn't exactly flattering to men.

Hmmm, this is mad confusing here. I'm not the one who placed a value on sex, you guys did. You're the ones who pointed out how it could be obtained considerably more easily than a relationship. You went on doing so for at least four pages, you might want to go back and read some of the initial posts. So you placed a value judgment on both sex and relationships. I simply repeated what you had already said. According to y'all sex can be had for less than the cost of dinner and a movie. I was simply agreeing with you.

The way I see it some women are just as obsessed with sex as men are, but they approach it from a different angle. They are so concerned and on guard against guys just trying to get into their pants that their attitude about sex really gets irritating to guys actually looking for a mature relationship. This does the exact opposite of what women intend it to do and it makes sex a commodity or a favor to be given out once the guy has passed "the test." I told the OP that she has control of the pace of the relationship and I should have told her that if the sort of attitude I just described is noticeable to the guys she's interested in it will more than likely drive the decent guys away.

I have no idea what AcidSnake is doing in his personal life, but anyone reading his initial posts can see that they come from a painful place. I suspect that he revealed more than he intended, but who knows.

AcidSnake says a lot of things that a lot of guys feel but are too afraid to just come out and say. Maybe that comes from some bad experiences with the opposite sex but I couldn't help but nod my head in agreement on some of his points.

Many people want to reduce sex to a mere bodily function because they fear being hurt, unfortunately, rather than being a barrier to pain, it becomes a barrier to intimacy. No, I've never personally experienced casual sex, just helped a lot of people pick up the pieces from the blowback.

And yet many people can handle it without it wrecking their lives. No other person has control over your emotions unless you allow them.
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Old 11-05-2011, 12:25 AM
 
9,008 posts, read 13,994,443 times
Reputation: 7638
Quote:
Marrried men make more money because generally they have to work more hours or get a part time job when they have a family. They make more money with more expenses. Single guys make less money but have fewer expenses IMO.
THIS, THIS, THIS!!!!!!!! I know very few people who have benefited financially from marriage. I know you can't make a blanket statement about a gender because there are so many different type of people out there, but one thing I have noticed is that pretty much all women, no matter how successful or ambitious they seem, want to be taken care of by a man. I mean financially. She may have a good job, she may even make MORE than he does...but all women I know breathe a sigh of relief when they get into relationships. It's like even though they have the money and career, they still have a hard time bearing the responsibility to take care of everything. They seem to need a plan B. I don't know what it is, maybe in the back of their heads they know they may want to start working part time or become stay at home moms or they're afraid they're going to get fired. It probably comes down to a woman's natural tendency to be a nester and seeking security.

You know what else I've noticed? When I was a kid, the man went out and made money but didn't do much around the house, while women took care of children and the house. Nowadays women are working, which is great, and more men are spending more time with their kids, which is also great. But a big complaint I've heard from a lot of my married friends is that their wives go out and work like they do, but they don't do much around the house. These guys say they work and their wives work, but then they go home and cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of kids while their wives watch TV and do nothing, exactly what women used to complain about men doing. I've had quite a few people tell me this, like their wives think so long as they work, it absolves them from having to help out with anything else around the house, even if their husbands work just as hard. It's quite a strange role reversal. I think this is contributing to a lot of men deciding they don't want marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one person taking care of another...that's a different kind of relationship.

I also think the only reason sex has come up is because it used to be the thing that kind of made men get interested in marriage. A steady supply of sex without having to do all the hunting and working for it, that's an attractive proposition. I'm not going to comment about the availability of sex and whether the whole thing is overrated or not, just the fact that sex has been a traditional lure into the institution of marriage for men. When that becomes less attractive or equally attractive alternatives are available elsewhere, it reduces one of the big reaons men have been willing to go along with the whole idea of marriage for so long.

Personally, I think the whole idea of relationships and marriage are way too stressed in out society. Listen to the radio, watch TV, everywhere you look the message is, "If you are not in love, you are nothing." The whole idea of actively pursuing it and wanting it so bad you are willing to settle for the first thing that seems okay seems odd to me. To me, it signifies not being completely satisfied with yourself, like you need somebody else to validate your existence. I don't think people should worry about dating or relationships in terms of something to actively pursue. Instead, people should just live their own individual lives the best way they can. Along the way, most people will meet others that they like enough to decide to date (without purposely seeking someone to date), and some will find someone they love so much that they can't imagine not being with that person every day and then they can get married (instead of purposely seeking someone to marry).

Just my two cents
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Old 11-05-2011, 02:02 AM
 
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
11,334 posts, read 26,006,593 times
Reputation: 3990
Quote:
Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417 View Post
because everyone is to busy trying to get their freak on instead of engaging in a one on one serious relationship
The two are not mutually exclusive.
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Old 11-05-2011, 02:05 AM
 
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
11,334 posts, read 26,006,593 times
Reputation: 3990
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyiMetro View Post
You must be talking about us guys huh?? One on one SERIOUS relationship?? How can one ENJOY life When being SERIOUS? How does that work?
I enjoy my work, and yet it's very serious business.

I enjoy my marriage, but it's the most serious relationship in certain respects that I have.

Perhaps your inflexibility is the issue?
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Old 11-05-2011, 03:04 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
208 posts, read 418,038 times
Reputation: 220
95% of metro Atl population has chip on shoulder and is angry about one thing or another. I have travelled everywhere in the US and when I come back here people here seem to be some of the most miserable people in the U.S., not joking.
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