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The numbers just aren't stacked in the favor of single black women looking for serious relationships in this place.
If I was willing to settle for booty calls, I'd have men lined up. But because I'm seeking something serious they don't want to be bothered. And in response to Tony, I'm not cooking and cleaning for a man who isn't trying to marry me. Cooking and cleaning for a boyfriend does not mean he'll make you a wife. In most cases he doesn't.
Men go by chemistry and whether or not they are in the settling down phase of their lives. If a man isn't ready to commit, his girlfirend being a domestic goddess doesn't change that.
I'm Buddhist so I don't go to church. I have been very active in my religious community over the years, and just ans Kelnic pointed out, there are very few single men there. The men who are there are married. When I paricipate in religious meetings or study groups, it's always either mostly women or only women.
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD
Men go by chemistry and whether or not they are in the settling down phase of their lives. If a man isn't ready to commit, his girlfirend being a domestic goddess doesn't change that.
There's some truth to that. I knew soon after I met my wife that I was really interested in her long term, but the big question for me was "do I want to get married at all?", not "do I want to marry this person?".
After having seen several friends crash and burn, marriage looked like a risky proposition to me.
You are obviously a white guy. And the exprience you shared is what I have witnessed among either non-black men I have dated or my non-black male friends.
When dating difficulties in Atl is discussed it turns into a black issue, as black women in this city have the hardest time of it. When black dating issues are discussed on any forum, it is quite common that black men, share the same misogynistic, antiquated views as Tony Georgia (who is also a black male) that black women are single because, as so many black men put it, we no longer know how to cook and clean or submit to the authority of a man. And even if that man doesn't have a job or the means to support a family, it's still black women's responsibility to make him feel like a man and cooj and clean for him.
With all that being said, I have exclusively dated interacially here and the majority of my male friends are not black. The men I've dated never asked me how well I cook or clean, and my white guy friends not one time ever mentioned cooking and cleaning as their reason for choosing their mates. When I asked my white guys friends why the picked their wives/girlfriends, the number one reason was looks, with personality and education/job being secondary.
They never ever mention cooking and cleaning as a prerequisite for their mates. This must be a black male thing, as I only hear them make those sort of comments.
I find that with white men they choose based on if they are ready to settle down or if the woman they are with is really hot and they don't want her to get away.
You are obviously a white guy. And the exprience you shared is what I have witnessed among either non-black men I have dated or my non-black male friends.
When dating difficulties in Atl is discussed it turns into a black issue, as black women in this city have the hardest time of it. When black dating issues are discussed on any forum, it is quite common that black men, share the same misogynistic, antiquated views as Tony Georgia (who is also a black male) that black women are single because, as so many black men put it, we no longer know how to cook and clean or submit to the authority of a man. And even if that man doesn't have a job or the means to support a family, it's still black women's responsibility to make him feel like a man and cooj and clean for him.
With all that being said, I have exclusively dated interacially here and the majority of my male friends are not black. The men I've dated never asked me how well I cook or clean, and my white guy friends not one time ever mentioned cooking and cleaning as their reason for choosing their mates. When I asked my white guys friends why the picked their wives/girlfriends, the number one reason was looks, with personality and education/job being secondary.
They never ever mention cooking and cleaning as a prerequisite for their mates. This must be a black male thing, as I only hear them make those sort of comments.
I find that with white men they choose based on if they are ready to settle down or if the woman they are with is really hot and they don't want her to get away.
Thing is, in divorce court generally the man gets taken to the cleaners. If we are going to risk that we need something in return. If I'm willing to put her name on my bank account, not be able to be with anybody anymore,etc I need something in return and I want that to be food and cleaning. If I'm risking her draining my bank account for the next 20+ years I deserve some peach cobbler and collard greens daily because I cam cook for myself without signing the contract
Thing is, in divorce court generally the man gets taken to the cleaners. If we are going to risk that we need something in return. If I'm willing to put her name on my bank account, not be able to be with anybody anymore,etc I need something in return and I want that to be food and cleaning. If I'm risking her draining my bank account for the next 20+ years I deserve some peach cobbler and collard greens daily because I cam cook for myself without signing the contract
Well that's why you need a good prenup, so you can't get taken to the cleaners in divorce court.
find that with white men they choose based on if they are ready to settle down or if the woman they are with is really hot and they don't want her to get away[/b].
I hate to say it but I do think their is some truth to your statement. I've noticed that when a white guy truly wants to commit to a woman, he does so, and their family. Its not quite like that in a the black community, and this is coming from me, a black female.
My question to you BD is how has your experience been dating interracialy? has it been more positive than that of dating inside your own race? Just curious. I might have to consider it myself.
You are obviously a white guy. And the exprience you shared is what I have witnessed among either non-black men I have dated or my non-black male friends.
When dating difficulties in Atl is discussed it turns into a black issue, as black women in this city have the hardest time of it. When black dating issues are discussed on any forum, it is quite common that black men, share the same misogynistic, antiquated views as Tony Georgia (who is also a black male) that black women are single because, as so many black men put it, we no longer know how to cook and clean or submit to the authority of a man. And even if that man doesn't have a job or the means to support a family, it's still black women's responsibility to make him feel like a man and cooj and clean for him.
With all that being said, I have exclusively dated interacially here and the majority of my male friends are not black. The men I've dated never asked me how well I cook or clean, and my white guy friends not one time ever mentioned cooking and cleaning as their reason for choosing their mates. When I asked my white guys friends why the picked their wives/girlfriends, the number one reason was looks, with personality and education/job being secondary.
They never ever mention cooking and cleaning as a prerequisite for their mates. This must be a black male thing, as I only hear them make those sort of comments.
I find that with white men they choose based on if they are ready to settle down or if the woman they are with is really hot and they don't want her to get away.
I'm a black male, and considered myself to be pretty progressive, and I used to agree with the portion in red. Unfortunately, what I have found is, not only can women not come to a general consensus on what is 'misogynistic and antiquated', they get to pick and choose which traditional practices are 'misogynistic and antiquated'.
Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that women are no different than men: They want the traditional when it's appealing, and prefer to toss it out in the name of progressiveness and equality when it's not. I know more than a few women who want to play the trad. housewife role - man bread wins, pays the bills, take her out - but will bare fangs at the mere notion that the man is the head of the household. I also know men who want to lie around all day while their women bread win, but are ready to tear down walls if someone suggests this in any way compromises their manhood/masculinity.
In short: People want what they want, and if they can attach pretty little labels like 'old fashioned values' or 'progressive minded', or nasty labels like 'sexist' to get their significant other to stand down and give them their way, they will do that.
How about just find someone that fit with your style, and you are more likely to be happy with your significant other.
Last edited by LAMayBeMaybeNot; 07-20-2012 at 07:31 PM..
I hate to say it but I do think their is some truth to your statement. I've noticed that when a white guy truly wants to commit to a woman, he does so, and their family. Its not quite like that in a the black community, and this is coming from me, a black female.
My question to you BD is how has your experience been dating interracialy? has it been more positive than that of dating inside your own race? Just curious. I might have to consider it myself.
I think generally white women know how what type of man to go after more than black women. Generally white women will see the potential in a white guy and snatch him up. Most Blk women would prefer him to already have is ish together before they get with him generally. Some sisters are more into his swag and trying to impress her friends verses looking at his character. Instead of snatching up the nerd in college that will be making $$$$ after he graduates they would rather date big pookie from bankhead and then complain that he isn't a good father after she gets knocked up
Last edited by tonygeorgia; 07-20-2012 at 07:03 PM..
I think generally white women know how what type of man to go after more than black women. Generally white women will see the potential in a white guy and snatch him up. Most Blk women would prefer him to already have is ish together before they get with him generally. Some sisters are more into his swag and trying to impress her friends verses looking at his character
Interesting. The majority of my friends are white women and none of them are with men who are not educated professionals. The ones who tried to date the men with "potential" were fed up with these men's lack of ambition and went back to dating professionals.
The white and Asian women I have been around will not accept a man who doesn't have education, a good job and the ability to support a family--Asian women especially. If you don't have any cash and can't support them, they will tell you to get lost and their families will tell you the same.
Asian women expect to not have to work, many of them.
I know of a black guy who was well-to-do. He married two white women--one American, one Russian. His first American wife left him and took his money. He had a child with his Russian wife who didn't work. He was making good money until the recession hit, and he was reduced to part-time. He asked his Russian wife to get a job and help with the bills. She told him that she's not getting a job, that she refuses to work, and since he's expecting her to work, she's going back to Russia to live with her mother. True to her word, she took his kid and went back to her country because she wanted to continue to be a kept wife and not get a job when her husband needer her support the most and to help contribute to the household finances. So much for white women standing by a man with potential.
Again you are talking myths and non-black women more than black women want men who have their stuff together. Don't be fooled.
Last edited by Atlanta_BD; 07-20-2012 at 07:18 PM..
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