Kids and Yes/No Ma'am and Yes/No Sir (Decatur: college, military)

[Ant131531]

I didn't really learn it per say because I'm from LA, but occasionally, I'll use it, though it's not in my standard english. I don't think anyone has seen me as disrespectful because I didn't say 'yes mam'. Some of these responses on here are what I expect from a bunch of southerners. Counting down the days....

[ATLTJL]

One time I'm going to agree with Ant.

Maybe it's because I was raised with northern sensibilities, maybe it's because I've just been observant....but I've seen so many people use "sir" or "ma'am" as a sign of fake respect and then tear the person to shreds once they are gone. So I just don't buy that fake respect one bit, I'm instantly suspicious of it.

A lot of people may like it, but I really doubt anybody would think children are disrespectful for not using it. As long as they don't call adults by their first names before being told by the person that they can, I think a genuine yes or no is fine. I think sincerity beats fake graciousness any day of the week.

[Ant131531]

Originally Posted by ATLTJL

One time I'm going to agree with Ant.

Maybe it's because I was raised with northern sensibilities, maybe it's because I've just been observant....but I've seen so many people use "sir" or "ma'am" as a sign of fake respect and then tear the person to shreds once they are gone. So I just don't buy that fake respect one bit, I'm instantly suspicious of it.

A lot of people may like it, but I really doubt anybody would think children are disrespectful for not using it. As long as they don't call adults by their first names before being told by the person that they can, I think a genuine yes or no is fine. I think sincerity beats fake graciousness any day of the week.

Southerners seem to have a lot of insecurity issues if someone not addressing you by mam means they are disrespectful. Aren't there more important thing in their lives then something as small as this?

[syracusa]

Originally Posted by LovelySummer

I would not characterize telling someone to stop calling me "ma'am" as "freaking out." However, it is annoying if we are having a conversation, however short, and everytime the person responds to me, the person says "ma'am." Teenagers do this to me all the time. Yes, it's annoying. It's like they have been taught that they cannot make a statement wout adding "ma'am" on to the end. Same thing when I call Delta Airlines and I get a rep. Everytime they read a flight number or something, the person says "ma'am." At the end. They just don't have to go through that trouble with me. I know you respect me by the way you are exchanging with me in a cordial and informative or pleasant manner. I don't need the "ma'am" as proof that you are being respectful. I don't equate "ma'am/sir" with respect. I equate how you treat me with respect. So, if I call a governmental agency and am getting the runaround and much attitude, but you call me "ma'am," which undoubtably happens, I don't equate that situation with respect. On the flip side, it's just not necessary for me. I'm not 100 years old. For me, it's a term for an old woman or an old man.

They don't do all this as a special courtesy to you, to give you "proof" that they respect you, or to go into so much trouble especially for you. Neither do they care that you are insecure enough about your age to feel "100 years old" when someone calls you "ma'am". They say it because it comes naturally and automatically to them - as this is how they were raised to speak. It's not a "trouble" to them.
You are reading too much into it. This is how some people speak in the South - and all of the rational and pragmatic sensibilities of the North or elsewhere is not going to change this.
You are here - so dealing with this little innocuous custom is not too much to ask. If you really want to hear about things you shouldn't have to deal with - I can give you a list. I promise I have much heftier material at hand for you than this innocent "ma'am/sir" thing.

[ThreeSides]

Originally Posted by ATLTJL

One time I'm going to agree with Ant.

Maybe it's because I was raised with northern sensibilities, maybe it's because I've just been observant....but I've seen so many people use "sir" or "ma'am" as a sign of fake respect and then tear the person to shreds once they are gone. So I just don't buy that fake respect one bit, I'm instantly suspicious of it.

A lot of people may like it, but I really doubt anybody would think children are disrespectful for not using it. As long as they don't call adults by their first names before being told by the person that they can, I think a genuine yes or no is fine. I think sincerity beats fake graciousness any day of the week.

This comment is very interesting to me. As stated above, I grew up in suburban Chicago, joined the Army, was indoctrinated w/ sir/ ma'am use while in the Army, moved to Memphis, Tn, then to Peoria, Il. In Peoria, my use of sir/ ma'am was met with contempt. ADMITTEDLY, I would call some people sir/ ma'am as a means of irking them, while seeming respectful. This is the first thing that came to mind while reading the initial post. However, this does not answer the OP's question.

[LovelySummer]

ThreeSides,
I think that it could be that where we are from, "ma'am/sir" is culturally seen as something that one says to elderly people, not to people who are not elderly. As such, I understand why the women or people at your job met your comment with contempt. Up there, it's out of the norm and doesn't seem appropriately applied to someone in their 20's, 30's, 40's. I would even hazard a guess that a woman in her 50's called "ma'am" would internally think that you are trying to say that she looks to be elderly.

I think it's just a cultural difference.

That was the reason that I started this post - to understand the Atlanta cultural expectation and assumption given that Atlanta is really a heterogeneous mix of people from all over so it was not clear to me that the typical norms that I associated with the south were necessarily in place.

Originally Posted by ThreeSides

This comment is very interesting to me. As stated above, I grew up in suburban Chicago, joined the Army, was indoctrinated w/ sir/ ma'am use while in the Army, moved to Memphis, Tn, then to Peoria, Il. In Peoria, my use of sir/ ma'am was met with contempt. ADMITTEDLY, I would call some people sir/ ma'am as a means of irking them, while seeming respectful. This is the first thing that came to mind while reading the initial post. However, this does not answer the OP's question.

[ThreeSides]

Originally Posted by LovelySummer

ThreeSides,
I think that it could be that where we are from, "ma'am/sir" is culturally seen as something that one says to elderly people, not to people who are not elderly. As such, I understand why the women or people at your job met your comment with contempt. Up there, it's out of the norm and doesn't seem appropriately applied to someone in their 20's, 30's, 40's. I would even hazard a guess that a woman in her 50's called "ma'am" would internally think that you are trying to say that she looks to be elderly.

I think it's just a cultural difference.

That was the reason that I started this post - to understand the Atlanta cultural expectation and assumption given that Atlanta is really a heterogeneous mix of people from all over so it was not clear to me that the typical norms that I associated with the south were necessarily in place.

Agreed! I totally understood why you asked the question and commend you for doing so. I shared my experience to demonstrate to others that it is not the norm everywhere.

Now, who wants to draw a correlation between the violence in Chicago and not using the the words "sir/ ma'am"? /SARCASM.

[pit2atl]

Originally Posted by sirrob

Politeness in kids will take them a looooong way in life. It's also a great reflection of their parents. So yes-no/ sir/ma'am, is completely acceptable no matter where you live.

This!!!!!

[AtlJan]

I personally love "yes, ma'am/sir." We teach our children to either say "Yes please" and "No thank you" or "Yes/No, sir/ma'am". We find that if they just say "yes" or "no", it doesn't sound as respectful and quickly slips into "yeah", "naw". . .etc. To me, manners are the first way we teach children to put other people before themselves--carrying their plates to the kitchen, saying thank you.

Regionally, I notice a big difference in speech patterns in terms of what is a bad word and what isn't. I am not comfortable with words like cr*p, fr**king or fr*gging, "what the", and religious epithets of any kind. In New York and New Jersey, it seems even educated people use these words in common parlance. I suppose, it's acceptable there, but this Southerner is shocked every time!

[10 feet tall]

I was raised in the south, and I was not required to say "sir" or "mam". However, I was required to use complete and appropriate words when talking with adults (i.e. "yes/no thank you", rather than "yeah/naah" etc).