Black dating question (Avera: to buy, legal, vs)

[km08]

Originally Posted by keepthefaith

Oh and I definitely agree......I have never heard a guy say, "I would go out with that girl, but she's too poor....she drives a corolla.....she doesn't have enough swagger for me...etc." The majority of guys could care less. Definitely not the case with many women. She really could live in a cardbox and a normal guy would say,"Man...did you see that girl in that cardbox box?!?! She was fine!" But, I really do think the fix is for guys to stop trying to buy love.....

Regarding guys buying love...I don't think they do it because they want to...they do it because that is the only way a lot of women will give a man the time of day. Unfortunately, in our race, women are raised with the idea that if you spend time with a man, the man needs to be giving you something or doing something for you. Instead of trying to advance their education or utilizing the education they have to earn more income, they use their wiles to get men to give them material things and pay their bills. What many of them fail to realize is that they are only subjecting themselves to dealing with whatever crap and nonsense the guy wants to dish out. Many women put up with all manners of degradation, just so they can keep the money flowing.

Even many successful black women share this mentality. Not that they need you to give them anything, they just believe that this is what you are supposed to do.

I personally don't want a man paying my bills, because they begin to think this gives them the right to control your household and tell you what to do. Anytime there is a disagreement, they want to bring up what they have purchased for you or what bills they have paid. No thanks.

Women continue this behavior because men continue to feed into it. In this terrible economy, I don't know how anybody (other than the wealthy) can afford to pay someone else's bills.

[Glitterific]

What a frustrating thread.

Please consider using the word some before 'black women' or 'black men'. It would make many of this posts more valid, not to mention more bearable.

Also, black women are not the only women on the lookout for a man with money. We do get villified for it the most though.

[ttefylooc]

Originally Posted by keepthefaith

Everyday, I see women that are single, cool, and approachable. Gorgeous women too. I will say this though. Sisters: Smile. Do you know why Terrific & Successful Tyrone is walking down the street with Becky or Mitzy? She smiles. She says (and this is crazy) "Hello" when she passes him in the hallway or going down the street. And good googly boogly....she even bought Terrific Tyrone a drink when they went out (Gasp!). She laughed, she flirted, she had a good time with Terrific Tyrone and told him that she had a good time as well. And wonder of wonders..he had a great time too and he even told her that he enjoyed himself as well. Be friendly.

Agitated Anesha: "Just because I'm not all smiling and cheezin' in your face doesn't mean that I'm not nice!!!!" LOL.

There are a lot of incredible sisters out there, though. Sometimes it just takes time....

Good Point! I wish black women would smile and laugh a lot more, some can be very tense. NOT SAYING THEY DON'T AT ALL, just wish they would do it more often, it puts everyone at ease. Trust Me.

[adeltagirl]

Originally Posted by km08

You definitely misinterpreted my post. If you read my post again, you will see that I said, I have been APPROACHED by some professional men. I did not state or imply that it was important that a man I would consider as a mate be a professional or not. I honestly don't care if a man is a professional or not.




I am rejecting a white mentor because I feel that it is very important that my son has a consistent positive black mentor who can relate to the issues that my son experiences and will experience as a black male, while also instilling in him the importance of having goals, a great work ethic, etc. It is great that you had a white mentor who positively impacted your life, but I have a particular purpose in mind that a white mentor could not adequately fulfill.





Of course, everyone has their personal preferences. When seeking a mate, I think we can all agree that it is important that our mate possess certain characteristics and qualities that we each seek as individuals. My point when I mentioned their attire was to point out the fact that these men wear clothing that is extremely oversized. Pants that hang off their butts...having to hold the waist of their pants as they walk to keep them from falling off. They may be nice guys, but in my opinion - wearing clothing that is 5x too large for you is not a very logical thing to do. There are some women who find this attractive, but I am definitely not one of those women.

When I see or meet men who are dressed this way, I immediately get an impression that is not very positive. I would not allow my son to dress in such a manner and will not have a guy hanging around who does. This is too much of a thug vibe for my tastes...even though the guy may not be a thug.

I like to think that I am a very rational and logical person. I would like for a potential mate to possess the same qualities. What is the logic behind wearing clothing that is falling off your ass?...with the seat of your pants hanging below your knees?

Speaking in general terms, what do so many black men have against speaking English? What's with all the slang? I see this with degreed and non-degreed/ professional and non-professional men. I want my son to be able to get a decent job when he is an adult. If he shows up for an interview with his pants hanging off his butt and speaking slang, what kind of job will he be able to get?

What's even worse is that there are so many black women who are desperate for a man, they will snap up these type of men in a heartbeat...and take care of them. They will pass up a more traditional black man because he has no 'swagger'. These guys get tired of being passed over by black women, so they start dating whites, latinas, etc.. leaving even fewer available black men for the black women who seek this kind of man.

I am a professional married woman (9 years) with 2 daughters and I completely agree with every statement that you have said. Your points are valid, well written and speak the complete truth. My oldest daughter is 7 and I am raising her to realize that you can expect certain things in life but you have to know there is an expectation.
I'm not teaching her to be "stuck up" as many brothers would say when they come across educated, well spoken, about the business sisters. But I teach her that shaking her tail "ain't where it's at", boys that have their jeans hanging off their behinds are in fact GHETTO and education is of paramount importance.

There is definitely nothing wrong with having a desire to teach your child to live a lifestyle of self pride, values and self respect. Only liking individuals around your child that support your system is what a mother is supposed to do.

Kuddos to you sister. Do your thing and continue to raise your son to be a "good black man".

And just a side bar: who in the hell said it was sexy for men to have french braids (with colored beads), jeans where i see your boxers with your belt at your knees!!!!!!!!!??????????

What sexy is a man in a nice pair of jeans, button down shirt, tight hair cut and a great pair of loafers.

I wish my husband would try and rock the thug look? At dang near 40 "thug" is so NOT sexy.

After reading so many of the posts and getting a good laugh from several I was compelled to reply. I'm done...

[coolyfett]

Originally Posted by adeltagirl

What sexy is a man in a nice pair of jeans, button down shirt, tight hair cut and a great pair of loafers.

Why is that sexy?

What is sexy is a woman wearing tights...I don't know who made that style but if anyone sees them, tell them thanks!!!

[lookinround]

Props to km08 for actually thinking these things through. I may not agree with every point, but you're clearly not just shooting from the hip.

I absolutely understand the importance you place on having a Black man as a model for your Black male children. It is critical to provide them with a positive example that looks like them. There are lots of people who look like them, behave and present inappropriately, and represent themselves as being how Black people "really act" or are "supposed to act." Then there are the ones who don't look like them but have positive behavior - say, that White Big Brother you turned down. Mix the two together and you can leave a child thinking that Black = negative and positive = Not Black, and *nobody* wants the poor kid to start down the path of internalizing *that* one.

When raising kids it's important to realize that color matters not only because of societal BS, but because they learn by What Looks Like Me (and what happens to people that Look Like Me). That Black male mentor is critical. I hope I make a good one for my godson, bless his heart.

Back to dating - I don't think it's sisters like km08 that are the issue. It's the ones who can't get past materialism, ego, and control issues. And that bunch, let me tell you, is loud enough to send a brother looking elsewhere.

Cheers.

[TNRyan23]

Originally Posted by ArthursChoice

cause that was some awful shyt she was saying. What an arrogant assumption. Gon' tell the man why SHE think his woman married him...more of a put down. Prolly just jealous cause she ain't got nothing going for herself.

It's taken with a grain of salt. This is an internet forum where everyone believes their thoughts are correct and fail to want to change them even if it means looking foolish.

I know what I have at home and for the lady to say that black men and or women who are with other races would/do have a black man or woman on the side is sad and pathetic. I don't believe it but if it were true then that in itself says ALOT.

Hearing the stories she's had and stories from her mother, Her and her sister have both had the same luck with men. Her sister is currently in a relationship where her man beats her and neglects her children but she refuses to leave him. It's really sad. They both grew up and lived in New Orleans. I know my wife is a good woman and not a ho. I would never let someone on the net tell me different.

[truth25]

Originally Posted by ttefylooc

Good Point! I wish black women would smile and laugh a lot more, some can be very tense. NOT SAYING THEY DON'T AT ALL, just wish they would do it more often, it puts everyone at ease. Trust Me.

I wish as a black women I can laugh and smile a lot more, most women in general go through a lot. when it comes to relationships I'm always thinking about what a man is hiding about his self. Is it a baby mother, how many kids doses he have, is he really single or is it just for today? A month from know is he going to leave me for a white girl when he gets some money no matter what I do for him? and how faithful I am to him. So a good black man is hard to find. the black women that dosen't smile or laugh all the time sometimes are going though more then the Average women. Plus now days a black women has to have her own and black men are looking at us are you going to buy me a drink?

No wonder why some black women are giving up and don't want anything thing to do with a black man.

[Ron.]

Oh boy......... Most blacks and whites date and marry within their own race.

Originally Posted by KevK

Alot of highly paid black men prefer white women. So a black woman might have to date a white man.

[brightstar78]

I don't know about you but I am a married AA and I haven't really had a problem in the men department (unfortunately for my husband). I guess it might be the circle you associate with. Where I work I have all kinds of different guys coming in including AA's that are doing well for themselves. Sometimes I've heard that us AA's give off a negative vibe or something that we give off that a lot of men don't like.

I haven't had this issue and when I try to put on that front to keep guys from talking to me, it doesn't even work lol.

I was also open to the idea of dating other races too. I know it is important to have a black male figure in a young mans life, but it is also important to have a male father figure in a young mans life no matter what color he may be. I hate to say it but this is limiting a lot of potential people for you. No disrespect.